[Freddy]

I met a cool lady at a wedding I stood up in, apparently she is good friends with the bride and other friends I know. I got her number and we texted a bit for a few weeks. She has been separated for over a year, so I knew from the start this was a hail marry in regards to romance, so I thought I would try and be friends. After inviting her to a BBQ and a few other benign get togethers with no success I let it go.

After two months, she started texting again asking how I’ve been and that she has not heard from me in a while. Every now and then I’ll get a text asking if I’m still working, or I may text her something light and end up texting back and forth for a while. I asked her if she wanted to hang out a couple of times after she texted me this last time and again, she is just not jumping on it.

Why do women text and want to talk, but then keep you at a distance? I’d be happy with friends because she’s cool as hell and knows people I know. I think that confuses me too…why not just be friends? She obviously wants to talk to me.

Variations of this scenario has been happening a lot more often since I turned 40 and am dating divorced women so I thought I would ask about the behavior. My friend just started dating a woman he had been working on for 6 months so maybe I need to be more patient and keep a line of communication open with women I meet while I continue dating? Even if it did not pan out right away?

Any thoughts?

[ankit]

What is about to worry in this ? She is texting you ,this is not an issue .If you just want her to be her friend it’s cool . I think she is also not putting weight on you . Take it easy ,don’t think otherwise . Take your time ,if in future you like to take further this relation then think about this .At this point in time there is no issue I think .

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

[b]This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions. [/b]

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum:
https://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Natalie Noah]

She enjoys your conversation and your company in a low-pressure way, which is why she texts and keeps in touch. However, her reluctance to meet in person may signal that she isn’t ready for a closer connection, romantic or otherwise or that she’s navigating her own life and boundaries as a recently separated woman. It’s common for someone in her situation to enjoy light, casual interactions without committing to more direct or consistent in-person involvement.

It’s also possible that she values the connection but wants to keep it in the “safe” zone of texting and casual conversation. For some people, the comfort of communication without the responsibility or vulnerability of meeting up in person is appealing, especially after a significant life change like a separation. Her behavior doesn’t necessarily reflect negatively on you; it may simply be about her pace and emotional readiness.

For you, the healthiest approach is to define what you want from the interaction and communicate it clearly if it matters to you. If you’re genuinely happy with friendship and light interaction, continuing the texting and occasional check-ins is fine. If you want something more, though, you might need to set a boundary for yourself: either express your desire to meet or step back if she isn’t reciprocating. This protects your emotional energy while keeping things respectful and honest, avoiding frustration over mixed signals.

[Member]

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