[little_wing]

Hello, April.

I was dating a charming boy, we met it high school. i had graduated, he was still in school. i was the only one with the job, car, money, so i drove us places, bought us things, and whenever he could get the money, he spend it on me, but it was a rare occasion. he had loved me, i had loved him. to an exponential amount. but one day it had dawned on me. im tired of holding his hand. im tired of having to remind him to fill out job applications. im also tired to cleaning his room. i learned to stop doing that early on. so our relationship went on, when it was good, it was good. we were happy. when it was bad, it was bad. i was unhappy. he thought everything was fine. i had a talk with him, and came to the conclusion that it wasnt the right time for us to be dating because he was still in school, i was working and in college( at this time, we’ve been dating for 6 months). after a week, we got back together. i felt bad. the relationship continued. same old stuff. he still didnt have a car, job, money. i guess i should mention that he was a poor kid, only lived with his dad who was living off of food stamps, and disability. my family is not like that, we have our money. so his whole lifestyle was a shock to me. so i accepted that about him. then we start fighting more. and our relationship goes on, until i have to talk to him again. eight to nine months into our relationship we break up. again. i had told him i hadn’t loved him the past three months. i hadn’t been in love with him. later that day we got back together. i felt bad.

our relationship wasnt the same after that. i felt like i was lying to him every time we kissed. every time we said i love you to each other, but i didnt want to accept that. i wanted to love him. but i guess i felt i had to change him. i wanted him to do this and this and this. and i thought that if he did that, id love him. it would be easier. not much changed about him. and honestly i admire that he was a little stubborn about it. eventually, i had had enough. my boyfriend found out i was texting one of my co-workers. i told him that he had nothing to worry about, i wasnt going to leave him for my co-worker. my boyfriend and i broke up because i hung out with my co-worker and i didnt tell my boyfriend what i was doing that night. he lost trust and after my boyfriend and i broke up, i started hanging out with my co-worker more and more. and eventually, a kiss led to something more. he had told me he would want to be in a relationship he would just want a friend. i was ok with that, and it made sense because he was going to be going into the navy sometime soon. i just wanted to have a little fun and be free from my past relationship. but i made a mistake. i kept talking to my ex, like i still missed him and wanted to be with him. but i really just wanted to have fun with my co-worker. but i said those things, because i felt bad. i also felt bad because i told my ex that i wouldnt leave him for my coworker, and i basically did.

again, my ex and i gave to another shot, but he didnt trust me. i also felt bad. i stopped talking to my co-worker all together, i really honestly did. the relationship didnt change either. he still didnt have a job, car, money, and school wasnt going so well. he wasnt going. i was completely turned off by his lack of ambition, his laziness, and his selfishness. we fought. kicked and screamed. and a few day before our one year, may 20th of this year, we broke up one more time. the reason was a different one. he broke up with me because he couldn’t handle me not trusting him. i had found out he was talking to a girl whom ive known in school. not once was i mentioned. not once was my name brought up when him and her talked, and not once did he ever tell me he was talking to her. if he had nothing to hide, why wouldnt he just tell me about it, just cause? i thought we was going to throw it back in my face that i had left him by leaving me with this girl. he said he thought about it, but didnt want to do it because he loved me. and he cant do that to someone he loves. i told him if he just stopped talking to her id be fine, and he didnt. he kept talking to her. and he kept saying i did the same thing. i was not happy that he kept holding against me. and i wouldnt let it go that he was talking to her still, so my “nagging” made him break up with me. we were done. finished. and i was pissed.

later i found that the girl he was talking to got a boyfriend who was my ex’s friend. i was nagging for no reason. but atleast i cared?

now, we’ve still been talking every once in a while, and we hung out , talked about maybe later down the road it will be the right time. and then he thought it would be a good idea to go through my phone to see who ive been texting. and my co-worker was in there. the ex was pissed, because he assumes that my co-worker ruined our relationship, that hes a womanizer( my ex doesnt see that i dont want a relationship with my co-worker, i just want a friend with benefits), that hes using me. he doesnt know why im still talking to him.

i dont know how i should feel about everything. i dont know what i should do, say, think. will me being honest with myself and my ex clear everything up? i want best of both worlds, but i know i have to have one or the other. or neither, im fine with that too. am i wrong in my ways? am i really that awful of a person? did i give too much? please advise me on this 😐

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your boyfriend is not who you want him to be, but instead of accepting that the two of you are incompatible, you’re creating a dramatic mess. You’re nagging, complaining, getting upset, and making a bad situation worse. Until you move on and find someone who is better matched to you, you’re going to make an even bigger mess with this drama. Let go of this relationship, and find someone who is also in college, or older, who has a job, ambition and wants a monogamous relationship with you.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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