[jaz1118]

My boyfriend and i have been together for almost three years now. He has a big family, all brothers. Ive had an issue with him making me feel ignored around his family sometimes, specifically his sister in law. It seems whenever I’m around and she is also, he seems to hover around her. Its not in a sexual way but he just seems to always be around her. When i first told him how i felt he told me he was just that way with her because she’s been around forever ( i believe he was 15) and she’s like the boss. Which i understood what he meant at first but now it happens all the time. She also doesn’t exactly act very friendly toward me, never asks how I’m doing which makes it a little more difficult for me to try to interact with her. After speaking with him about this, last night his brother and her went over to his house and again he ignored me, he sat next to her at the dinner table with me on the opposite side, and i felt very awkward. He makes me feel uncomfortable also because he’s not a very touchy feely person in public but with her he will rub her shoulders while asking if she wants something to drink, or hug her and its very hard for me not to feel uncomfortable. I guess i would understand if he was younger and she was way older because i would see it more as an older sister or mom role but now that they’re both older and only about 6 years apart, it doesn’t exactly look right,especially because he doesn’t do this with his other sis-in-law, and even his dad notices because he will look at them then look at me and ask me how I’m doing or if i need anything because he sees me kind of excluded. Am i overreacting? Has anyone been through a similar situation

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It really doesn’t sound like you’re overreacting — and this [i]is[/i] a situation that comes up now and then for lots of people. Sometimes it’s a sister in law. Sometimes it’s a mother in law. Sometimes it’s an ex who’s still hovering in the picture. When an outsider comes between you and your boyfriend, there are a couple of things you can do to feel better.

* Find your sense of humor. When you take the intervention too seriously, you’re going to feel upset and displaced. If, however, you can find the humor in it, you’ll rise above the inappropriate behavior around you.

* Decide how serious the problem really is. If you and your boyfriend are having problems and this is just another in a litany of irritations, you may need to reassess the relationship, or the underlying problems. But if everything else in your relationship of 3 years is good, and this is the only problem, you might consider trying to let it go. Making a mountain out of a mole hill just gives credence to what shouldn’t be important.

* Let your boyfriend know how you feel when he abandons you for his sister in law, and ask him if he wouldn’t mind making sure to sit with you or not rubbing her shoulders (giving him specifics, so he isn’t confused). Then tell him what he does that makes you feel really good about being with his family, so he doesn’t feel that you’re only complaining. 😉

Hope that helps!

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