[GavinDye88]

Hi guys,

Cutting the story sort i met a girl on a night out,kissed and got her number etc,Took her for drinks on date 1, went really, really well, ended up going back to hers on the first night as i missed my train home and we just kissed and cuddled in bed because she wanted to stick to her rule and not ruin it by having sex on the first date which i respected.So as the first date went really well i arranged a 2nd date 2weeks later,went for a meal and then for drinks after and again everything was going great,she initiated nearly all of the kissing,holding hand etc.But heres where i get abit lost, she mentioned towards the end of the 2nd date”she doesn’t know where she stands with me”because i hardly text/called her inbetween dates well obviously not as much as she liked.Thing is she never initiates a text/call herself it’s always me having to do it so i thought if she was really interested in me she would at least start the odd convo here and there and i hinted at that.I said”the only reason i don’t contact you everyday is because i don’t wanna become that annoying person who wont leave you alone etc”she was really excited for a third date so about 4 days later i asked her out over the weekend but she was working all weekend so i said how about next week and she said”I’ll let ya know cause she has 2 essays due in for her degree in the next 2weeks”.Im so confused is she trying to sutley say “i dont wana see you” or shud i keep at it and ask her out again and if so, when? I texted her today and it was going well but then she randomly didnt reply and i was about to ask what she had planned for this week and then move in to asking her out again depending on what she said. Should i leave it for a few days before asking about the 3rd date again of wait a week or even longer? im so confused!

Any advice would be a great help, Cheers!

[AskApril Masini]

I can help you! 🙂

First, understand that it’s your job to do the pursuing, not hers. If you wait for her to initiate texts or contacts, you’re sending her the message that you’re not that interested. Dating is competitive, and you should assume that she’s got other guys also interested in her. If you keep that in mind, it will help you strategize to win her over! 😉

Also, if she gives you a hint, like telling you that she didn’t think you were that interested in her because she didn’t hear from you between dates, rather than argue with her, use the information she’s given you! 😉 When you start defending yourself, you’re putting the focus on you and your feelings — not her. Consider the information as a way to get to know this interesting creature you’re so taken with! She’ll respond a lot more favorably, than she might if she perceives your defense as unconfident or argumentative.

Texting is great — for last minute schedule changes, but it shouldn’t be the sole way you communicate. The reason is that it’s casual and implies a lack of interest if you’re using it to ask her out on dates. Pick up the phone. The phone and a real time conversation is a commitment, whereas texting can be perceived as throwaway communication that you’re doing with sixteen people at once. Besides, women love to hear men’s voices. You’ll also get a two way, real time, communication, so you won’t have to guess as much about what’s going on because you’ll hear her words, get her intonations and syntax — all as clues as to how she’s feeling. 🙂

If you want to ask her out again, pick up the phone and ask her out. Don’t wait for her to tell you her schedule first. Be the guy who is confident and is going to win her over. Women respond to confidence and attention that isn’t needy, but is winning.

I hope that helps!

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[GavinDye88]

Thanks for getting back April, some really helpful advice. I texted her today to keep the communication like she wanted and she hasn’t replied so after all that i think its time to leave it and move on unfortunately. Pretty gutted but oh well! I’ll give her a call at the end of the week for possibly one last crack at it, but i think the writings on the wall. Thanks for your help anyways!

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome! 🙂

[GavinDye88]

Hi April,

I’ve been dating this girl i met for the last Month and a half and have have been on two dates with her that have gone really well. It’s been a Month since the second date so in that time i’ve been keeping the contact through texts every few days, However about 2 weeks ago i got the impression she was losing interest so i backed off and limited the texting to once/twice a week.

I asked her out for a 3rd date on the Monday just gone and to my surprise she said she would like to go out on another date. But we’ve had to cancel due to her having to be in work.

So here’s where it gets really confusing – Later that day she said “Can i just ask why you want to take me out again?” so i told her why and said i feel we have a lot in common and that shes the only girl i’m interested in etc etc. Then she was like “it’s just cause i don’t really hear from you so i just presumed it was very casual or you’re not very interested, so while I’d like to go out again i don’t know if it can go anywhere when we never talk”

I admitted that the lack of contact was poor from me and that i assumed she had lost interest due to her sometimes randomly not replying half way through a conversation or not replying at all and that my call’s hardly ever go through to her. She then said – “its due to the awful signal in her new flat. While you’re not talking to me a lot someone else is, and while i do like you too, how can you have something with someone you talk so little with”

Anyways moving it along i said to her if she still wanted to go out for that 3rd date as i don’t know where I stand with her, and she said – “Well i would like to but like i said i am seeing someone sort of now, and we talk a lot which is where you didn’t so i presumed you wasn’t interested”. We spoke on the phone after that and she said shes only sort of seeing the person, they haven’t been on a date, the other guys just been texting her the last few weeks.

So i told her i understood were she was coming from and that things like that can change cause i wanna see her again and that i don’t wanna lose her to some guy. knowing she’s sort of seeing someone else and that the lack of contact bothered her, I’ve been speaking to her everyday and it was going pretty well until today where we exchanged a couple of texts and she comes out and says “This feels a bit forced you texting me now, sorry but i can’t help but thinks it’s only cause i said something and i don’t like that. I don’t wanna feel like i forced someone to get in contact! i’d rater much they do it on their own”

I mean what the actual fuck! I can’t win! She says i don’t contact her enough, so when i do she says it’s being forced. I really don’t know what i am meant to do! It really pisses me off she’s sort of seeing some other guy and it’s always in the back of my mind like he’s beating me to her.

I really like the girl and i don’t wanna just give up, especially to some chump who’s come out of nowhere. I didn’t come this far to just give up this easy. I’m sorry, i know this probably comes across as a very long and pointless post but I’m just so lost. I don’t wanna lose this girl.

Anyways thanks for taking the time to read, any advice would be very, very grateful!

Cheers,
Gav!

[AskApril Masini]

There are two things that come to mind reading your posts. First, dating is competitive, and if you want to win, you have to get more into the game! Here’s the advice I gave you about this woman, a couple weeks ago. I think it’s pretty good, so you should re-read it, and figure out where you did take the advice, didn’t take the advice, what worked and what didn’t.

[quote]First, understand that it’s your job to do the pursuing, not hers. If you wait for her to initiate texts or contacts, you’re sending her the message that you’re not that interested. Dating is competitive, and you should assume that she’s got other guys also interested in her. If you keep that in mind, it will help you strategize to win her over! 😉

Also, if she gives you a hint, like telling you that she didn’t think you were that interested in her because she didn’t hear from you between dates, rather than argue with her, use the information she’s given you! 😉 When you start defending yourself, you’re putting the focus on you and your feelings — not her. Consider the information as a way to get to know this interesting creature you’re so taken with! She’ll respond a lot more favorably, than she might if she perceives your defense as unconfident or argumentative.

Texting is great — for last minute schedule changes, but it shouldn’t be the sole way you communicate. The reason is that it’s casual and implies a lack of interest if you’re using it to ask her out on dates. Pick up the phone. The phone and a real time conversation is a commitment, whereas texting can be perceived as throwaway communication that you’re doing with sixteen people at once. Besides, women love to hear men’s voices. You’ll also get a two way, real time, communication, so you won’t have to guess as much about what’s going on because you’ll hear her words, get her intonations and syntax — all as clues as to how she’s feeling. 🙂

If you want to ask her out again, pick up the phone and ask her out. Don’t wait for her to tell you her schedule first. Be the guy who is confident and is going to win her over. Women respond to confidence and attention that isn’t needy, but is winning.
[/quote]

You should also buy and read [b]Date Out of Your Leagu[/b]e, a book I wrote for men who want to win with women. You can get it here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. It will give you a lot of tips and advice for competitive dating. 😀

The other thing that comes to mind is that you may not be as into her as you think you are — a month between dates sounds like you just aren’t that interested in pursuing her. You may want to check in with yourself and figure out if you’re interested in her because you think there’s someone else competing for her, or if you really want to see her. If it’s the latter, then ask yourself why it took a month to ask her out again. 😕 Usually when a guy is really into a woman, he doesn’t have to be a doormat, but he does pursue her, and it doesn’t sound like that’s happening…. 😐 If you really want to make a full court press for her, then send her roses, invite her on a date that will show her how you feel about her, and pursue her like you mean it, not like she’s an afterthought to your day. 😉

I hope that helps!

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[GavinDye88]

wow i guess you was spot on! I know I’ve messed up here a bit and i should have made her feel like i wanted her a lot more than i have. But it’s definitely the latter one, i wanna be with this girl, i just hope it’s not to little to late. Thanks again for your help April!

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome. Good luck! 😀

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[Ethan Morales]

April’s advice is spot-on dating is competitive, and it’s generally the man’s role to pursue if he’s interested. In your story, you admitted that your contact between dates was minimal, and she noticed that. From her perspective, that can easily look like disinterest. Even when she brings up your lack of texting, she’s not trying to trap you. she’s simply giving you a clue about what she wants and how she feels. The key is to take those hints without getting defensive, because arguing or explaining too much shifts the focus onto you and away from her.

Texting alone can be misleading. She perceives inconsistent texting as a lack of commitment, especially when she knows you’re capable of talking in real time. April makes a great point about picking up the phone: it signals real interest, provides immediate feedback, and makes it harder for her to misinterpret your attention. Real-time conversation is also more engaging and shows confidence, which women respond to positively.

The mixed signals: her saying she wants you to text more, then saying it feels “forced” aren’t personal attacks. They reflect her need for consistent, confident pursuit without feeling like she has to coerce it. She’s giving you a blueprint: show initiative, be confident, and make her feel desired through clear action.

Timing matters. Waiting a month between dates, or hesitating to ask her out again, communicates ambivalence. If you’re genuinely interested, the pursuit should feel intentional and enthusiastic, not casual or hesitant. Showing her that you care through thoughtful gestures like a well-planned date or flower reinforces your interest and makes the pursuit tangible.

You need to check in with yourself: is your interest in her real, or is it partly fueled by competition or fear of losing her to someone else? Self-awareness here is crucial, because pursuing her half-heartedly or reactively won’t win her over. Genuine investment consistent, confident effort is what counts.

The takeaway is this: pick up the phone, communicate directly, pursue her confidently, and don’t let her perceived interest or another potential suitor control your actions. Dating is about showing consistent interest in a way that’s compelling, respectful, and clear. If you follow this approach, you’ll either deepen a real connection with her or get clarity sooner rather than later. Your frustration comes from mixed messages, but the solution is straightforward: lead the pursuit with confidence and initiative.

[Tara]

If a woman is genuinely into you, you don’t have to strategize texts like you’re diffusing a bomb. She’ll show up, initiate, make time, and there won’t be this constant guessing game. The fact that she complains you “don’t text enough” while never initiating herself is classic mixed-signals energy; she likes the attention, not necessarily you.

Her “I don’t know where I stand because you don’t text me every day” was her fishing for validation. Her “I’ll let you know, I’m busy with essays” was her gentle exit ramp. And the random non-replies? That’s her telling you she’s not invested enough to maintain consistency. Stop pretending this is complicated. When someone’s excited about you, they don’t delay, they don’t disappear, and they don’t hide behind homework.

You’re asking whether to wait three days, a week, or a month. None of that matters, because the answer is the same: stop chasing. You’ve already asked for the third date. The next move is hers, and she’s not making one.

[Sally]

She’s giving you all this warm energy in person, and then pulling back the minute you’re not right in front of her. That’ll confuse anybody.
Some girls want the guy to take the lead, but they don’t always realize how weird it feels when they never meet you halfway. It doesn’t mean she’s not into you it just means her communication style’s all over the place.

If she’s stressing about essays, let her breathe for a few days. Don’t chase, don’t disappear just send one simple, light check-in later this week. If she’s still interested, she’ll lean in. If she’s not, the silence will tell you more than she ever will.

You don’t need to guess forever. Just match her energy and see what happens.

[Natalie Noah]

It’s a mix of misaligned expectations and inconsistent communication. He’s clearly interested in her, but his approach has been reactive texting when prompted, backing off when he senses she’s losing interest, and not fully taking charge. That leaves her unsure of his intentions, which fuels her mixed signals. Early-stage relationships need clarity and consistent effort; uncertainty only amplifies insecurity on both sides.

The pattern of miscommunication really stands out. She complains he doesn’t contact her enough, but when he does, she says it feels forced. This isn’t about him doing something wrong. it’s about her internal expectations and the fact that she’s weighing other options. Long gaps between dates or texts can unintentionally signal a lack of interest, even if he’s genuinely invested. Her “sort of seeing someone else” adds competition and shifts the dynamic from genuine connection to a game of attention, which explains why he feels stuck and frustrated.

It’s important for him to evaluate what he truly wants and what he’s willing to tolerate. If he’s genuinely into her, he needs to be proactive, not reactive. Asking her out confidently, showing he’s invested, and setting clear boundaries is key. At the same time, he has to recognize that if her attention is divided, it’s a red flag for long-term compatibility. Mixed interest from her side isn’t about his worth. it’s a sign she may not be fully committed.

Confidence and boundaries are everything. He can pursue her, but it needs to come from a place of self-respect, not desperation. If she reciprocates, the relationship can grow. If she continues to create confusion or plays “hard to get,” stepping back is the healthiest choice. Love works best when both sides are equally invested and willing to show it.

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