[sweetviolett]

Hi there…I think I have finally found the only place where I can honestly express my feelings about wanting/needing a daughter after my three lovely boys. I think I always dreamed of 2 children and probably assumed that I would have girls or at least 1 girl. It never occurred to me that I would be cursed with this longing for something that is so out of reach. I sometimes feel so down about it I can’t stand it. The guilt is terrible and I feel that I could never tell anyone as whenever gender disappointment is raised with my friends they all raise eyebrows and look disgusted. They all have one of each and have no idea what it’s like.

We didn’t find out the gender with our firstborn as I knew we would be having another one and felt relaxed about it – only a slight twinge of ‘oh its a boy not a girls THIS TIME’ . However, at the 20 week scan with number 2 I felt winded and then terribly sad for weeks – then guilty etc…obv. when he arrived we loved him and would not change him for the world…

but deciding to try for number 3 was a big deal and my husband and I talked about it for at least a year…I had just begun looking into swaying etc…when I fell pregnant anyway. We had a nuchal scan done at 14 weeks as I felt at 34 and with 2 healthy babies I should be prepared for everything…we did ask to be told the gender once the nuchal measurement had been done but straight away she said ‘ oh I can tell what it is’ At 14 weeks old there was no way that it was a girl. The same horrible cycle of feelings repeated and I was quite depressed throughout some of the pregnancy. However, once he was born I fell in love and for nearly 2 whole years thought he was definately it.

However, 3 years on and older but clearly no wiser I am broody as hell for a girl. I have been thinking of nothing else for 3 months now and it is driving me crazy. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS??? I am beginning to dream about being pregnant with a girl and am on the internet constantly searching for any methods that do not cost the earth and would actually work. I would be devastated to go through a pregnancy and be disppointed again – this feeling will clearly never go away…I just need a shoulder to cry on as it feels so selfish and silly to feel this way when I have 3 amazing children. My famiily would be shocked if I got pregnant again as I think they assume it is all over and 4 children is a lot and I am not working now…thoughts/shared experience etc…very welcome x

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t recommend getting pregnant again because there’s a chance you’ll have a boy, and this feeling of wanting a girl won’t go away. So here are some choices:

1. Accept the fact that you have three healthy children. Nobody has everything they want. Focus on what you do have that’s good in your life. 😀

2. Discuss adoption with your husband. If he’s up for it, you can guarantee you’ll get a girl and you’ll be doing something wonderful for an orphan.

3. Fostering a a daughter, temporarily, is a wonderful, if difficult, way to parent a daughter.

4. Volunteer in some type of institution where you can make a difference as a female role model to young girls. Orphanages, foster care, jails for youth, rehabilitation homes for drug addicted youth, hospitals, cancer wards, etc. You’ll find lots of girls who need mothering, and will be grateful for your contribution and contact.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

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