[allejam]

This is hopefully cutting a very long story short…and I do realize this isn’t exactly a “normal” situation… 🙄

I have always been sexually openminded and am bisexual. My current boyfriend of 3 and a half years has always known this from the start and has found it quite interesting. During our relationship we have invited people into our sex life, but have always had set ground rules and ideas about what we wanted, for example we never engage in anything if the two of us are not there…all was fine with this and we enjoyed some amazing experiences…

Last week however, after a night out I invited back a female friend whom we had had some fun with before, but on account of feeling ill I just went straight to bed. Whilst lying in bed I started to hear noises and moans from downstairs! I was furious but I never went down to them on account of having a very bad temper! When my boyfriend dropped her home and came upstairs he already knew he had made a big big mistake before he even saw me…he has told me what happened, and I do honestly believe it was a moment of not thinking on both their behalf but…

I am extremely hurt that they were with each other without me, as I feel this showed no respect for me whatsoever…but I am confused now as to what to do with regards to my boyfriend?

I feel the trust between us is broken, and trust is so important in a relationship – yet I do understand that everybody makes mistakes and that technically it is my fault as I willingly invited her into our relationship.

Him having done that has pushed a wedge between us, and made me consider if I should just walk away…It’s very difficult however as I could honestly see myself with him for the rest of our lives as we have an amazing relationship outside of this one hiccup, but I’m finding it hard to move past it and I refuse to be a doormat.

Some advice would be greatly appreciated….

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think you’re a doormat, but I think you’re in an impossible situation. Every time someone writes me here about threesomes it’s always with a sad ending. The dynamic you’re trying to control with “ground rules” requires those rules because it’s so easy for one or another to stray when you have a regular stranger between you. It’s not a situation that fosters loyalty between the two of you. The fact that you brought this woman home for the two of you to have sex with set the stage for sex to be had. When you went to bed, knowing she was still here with him, you put him in a tough situation. It’s understandable that you feel betrayed because of your ground rules, but it’s understandable that he did what he did given his physiology, the open relationship you have, and the fact that you actually brought this woman home.

That said, you should talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel. Ask him if he honestly thinks the two of you have a chance at a future together as a couple as long as you’re bringing women home to have sex with both of you — I, personally, don’t think he can honestly answer yes unless he’s in denial about himself.

I hope that helps you make a decision. Let me know how things go.

And please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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