[nycgirl2015]

I would like some advice and tips from women who have been in this position.
I am currently seeing a very difficult man. Some of the things that he does: he cancels dates with regularity and at the last minute. He disspears (no contact) for weeks at a time. He is not always truthful (frankly he lies quite a bit). He needs to be in control much of the time and has trouble whenever i try to take the upper hand (usually he will dissapear when i do so). I do not live with this man and can not imagine doing so in the foreseeable future. The best way I can compare him to is to compare him to mr. big on sex in the city (although i am more of a samantha than a carrie). he is not married although he may be dating multiple women.

I understand that i can do better, this is not the kind of advice i am looking for. I am an adult woman, a consenting individual making a choice to be with this man inspite of his personal issues – i am in love with him, and although i can live without him just fine i do not chose to. So basically tips for dealing with someone like this is what i am looking for. I believe he has many issues steming from a difficult childhood and i do have reasons to believe he has feelings for me (although I am not sure he is fully capable of love).

I need to know how to manage this situation. not being with him is not an option i am willing to consider. This is our second time being involved. First was 9 months ago, I got annoyed with his constant dissapearances and after many fights he broke up with me. In the past 9 months with no contact I realized that inspite of everything the only man I want to be with is him. I need a better plan for dealing with him and his issues. I appreciate any help.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you want to stay with someone who has all these issues, the best thing you can do is to except them and not expect him to behave differently. 😉 Find your sense of humor, and remember why you’re with him, so that when he cancels at the last minute, instead of getting angry about it, you can decide to do something else with your time because this outcome was a possibility all along.

The trick is to not try and change him, but instead, make changes in your own life that accommodate his behavior. 🙂

Hope that helps!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[nycgirl2015]

thank you. i am really unsure as to which way to go – stand up to him and set some boundaries or simply accommodate him. on the one hand setting any boundaries at all will cause a whole host of problems. on the other setting up no boundaries at all may result in him becoming worse and worse at this behavior.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you decide to put up boundaries because you want to stay with him, then you have to be very careful not to get into fights with him and you have to understand that your boundaries may be his deal breakers. 😉 Getting into fights with him (along with his disappearing without contact) seemed to cause him to break up with you in the past, so if you want to stay with him, you have to avoid those “pressure points” as long as they don’t compromise your sense of self and what you want.

On the other hand, trying to implement boundaries on someone who lies, cancels dates at the last minute, and disappears with no contact for weeks at a time, may be a lot like trying to cure a dislocated, broken arm with Band Aids. Bottom line, you have to decide what you want for yourself, and then I always advise that you go for what you want. You started out asking for tips for dating someone difficult, but you’re kind of easing into asking if you should put up boundaries, knowing that they’re going to create problems for him, and then for you in response.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Member]

Posts