[Anonymous]

Hi, I am a 24 year old female. I am really stuck and feel like I need some advice. I have been dating my fiance for over 2 years now, and I am realizing how selfish he is, but I can’t seem to get him to change his behavior. He reminds me of a spoiled child.

I work full time, and he is a seasonal employee. Every other week he goes on 3-4 day hunting or fishing trips, which I don’t have a problem with, but when he is gone I feel like he treats me like I am insignificant. I was in the hospital, getting emergency surgery when he was hunting 7 hours away. He continued hunting knowing I was getting surgery, and didn’t call until the 8pm after I was in the hospital overnight. I live in his hometown, so I have no family, and my co-workers were the only people that came to be with me in the hospital. When I asked him why he did that, he said he was 7 hours away.

So because of that I feel like hunting takes priority over me, so he said he would make it up to me and show me that it doesn’t. But on his last hunting trip, he doesn’t call me, and when he finally answers my phone call he treats me like I am a nuisance, even though he promised he would show me it doesn’t take priority.

Another thing that bothers me is we’re engaged and he doesn’t make any effort to meet my family. I went on a trip to visit my grandparents, and my grandfather told me that he wanted to meet him. I told my fiance this and he said he would think about it. He never mentioned it again and never made any effort to make plans to go with me. I asked him why and he said he didn’t have any money, yet a week previous to this he went on a four day fishing trip in ID and had money for hotels, gas, and licenses.

I have been so loyal to him and have given my life to him. I am always next to him at family functions, trying to show my support and become a part of his family. He shows me no support, and seems to have no interest in my family. It breaks my heart because why don’t I deserve to get what I give? I don’t understand why he can’t see that I am worth a little bit of effort.

I don’t think I am asking for much. Please help me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re not asking too much — [i]BUT[/i] you are asking asking too much from this particular man. He is not someone who is interested in you as anything more than a place holder. If he really cared about marrying you and making a family with you and joining your family and his, he’d WANT to meet your family. That he doesn’t speaks volumes about his disinterest in you.

His not showing up for your emergency surgery because he was 7 hours away should have been the deal breaker for you. And not calling you once from a four day hunting trip is pretty bad form if one call is all you’re asking for.

Wake up and the smell the coffee. YOU are investing energy and life in a bad investment. Things are not going to get better — they’re going to get worse for you.

End the engagement, and get back on your feet as a single woman looking for Mr. Right. Only this time, choose more wisely. You need to date smart — especially since you are so clear on what you want in a man.

[Member]

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