[IwannafeelWEIGHTLESS]

Ok so I’ve been talking to this guy for about a month and a half. He went to the same high school as me but we never talked then. We’re both 20. He’s in the air force and has been in korea for a year.He messaged me first on facebook and one thing lead to another and we started talking on a regular basis. Good morning& good night texts, skype and all that. We would skype for 3 hours. It was obvious we both were liking each other a whole lot. He would post stuff on his facebook like- “just got off skype and I’m in a great mood now.” or something like that. Oh yeah, and there’s a 13 hour time difference. So his 2:30pm is my 1:30am. He would always tell me I’m amazing and he can’t wait till he gets home so he can see me.
I have bad experience with military boys. I’ve talked to them when they were over seas or based somewhere and when they came home they never connected me. I told him this and he reassured me that was not going to happen. He knew that I was really worried about that. I even had a bad dream about him not wanting to see me and wanting to get back with his ex and it freaked me out really bad. I told him and he told me that he would never lie to me or hurt me cuz he’s had it done to him. (how many times have guys said that….)
We were texting one day and he said something and I thought he wanted me to say something dirty. (I’ve dated guys like that and even though I hate doing it, I always did). He called me laughing and all that and I told him a summary of my past experiences and that I wasn’t use to a guy respecting me. He just told me to be myself and everything would be ok. When he would go out with his buddies he would still be texting me. It got to the point where they knew who I was (at least that’s what he told me).
He wasn’t sure on his come home date yet but he knew it was going to be in the middle of october. Well he came home earlier than he had thought so he was pretty stressed for a week cuz he had a lot of stuff he had to get done and all that. We didn’t really talk that much for that week but I knew he was running around like crazy and I was always there encouraging him. He was almost home and he kept telling me how excited he was to see me and how he was going to hug me and not let go. This was cheesy but made me so happy. I told him that I haven’t been this happy in so long and that I was so excited for him to come home cuz if I was this happy with him there, I couldn’t imagine how happy I’d be when he was here.
He posted on his facebook “can’t wait to come home to my family that I love and this amazing girl.” I’d comment on it and he’d like it and all that. I’d post something similar on mine and he’d like it or comment on it.
He started acting different the day he was getting ready to leave. Just not as cutesy. I said something and he said he was just tired. When he was on his way home he was texting me throughout the trip. He asked me if I wanted to go to the movies(I told him we had to go on a date and we weren’t just going to hang out and watch a movie). I felt so awesome cuz he was getting home at midnight and he wanted to see me not even 24 hrs later. He saw me before he saw his grandparents and his friends. So I thought this was really good. (by the way, he’s only going to be in town for a month. Then he’s based outa town but he’ll be able to come home when he’s off)
I was expecting him to come to my apartment and pick me up. Well he asked me how I wanted to do this- “me come get u but I have no clue where u live. Or you come over here early before the movie and I’ll drive us to the theater.” (he told me before that he wanted me to meet his parents and I knew they were going to be there so I thought this was his way of saying “hey I want you to meet my mom and dad today”).
When I got there I was expecting that big hug he promised me. Well that’s not what I got. I got a half ass hug. We went inside and he said “I told you to come over when I told you I was home. The movie doesn’t start for another hour.” I felt dumb and just said I misunderstood you, which I did I thought he said come over now. I asked him if he wanted to come over to my moms house sunday for my birthday. & I said don’t feel obligated cuz I know you just got home and you probably want to see people but incase you’re free, I’d love to have you. He said yeah I don’t think I have anything going on. & he was being all flirty and poking me and stuff. I met his parents and grandparents and his grandma said nice meeting you. I’m sure I’m going to be seeing a lot of you.-made me feel good.
We went to the theater and he made a joke and said “yeah I just blew $19” (that’s how much the tickets were.) I hit him and we were flirting and all that. I told him that my bday has a curse (my dog died, my dad moved out, and I got into a traumatic accident). It wasn’t a serious comment I made it into a joke but it was true and he knew that. He said yeah I’m going to try to come out but I’m going car shopping all day but I’m gonna try. He kept nudging me and stuff in the movie (flirtzy stuff).
On the way home I said something about how my mom said she already liked him and he laughed and we joked. I told him if he wanted, if he ended up coming on sunday, that he could leave his car at my moms and come hang out with me at my apartment and I’d take him back there cuz I had to go back there anyway. He paused and said yeah I’m gonna try. Saying goodbye- he gives me a semi hug. Not good but better than the first. I said thanks for the movie he said you’re welcome. I’ll text you tomorrow. I left.
He texted me on my way home. Said I’m glad we went to the movies even though I was too focused on what was going on (movie was confusing). Chatted, said he was going to sleep, I said sweet dreams, he said same to you :].
Next day- I was still having these really weird dreams and he has been in all of them. Some were pertaining to him and I and some were just scary but he was always in them. I’ve been having a very hard time sleeping. I told him that I was having these scary dreams and I couldn’t go back to sleep after and I told him he was always in them and he said weird. I said yeah I hope you’re not a mass murderer ha. He said no I’m not I promise. He was at cedar point with his family and again he was texting me. He reassured me he was going to try to make it out to my bday party on sunday. He was in the car and he said I would ask you to come over but I think I may fall asleep on you. I said something cute and all that. We talked for a little bit and he said I’ll text you in an hour ok? I said ok. Well he never did.
The next day is my birthday. I knew he was busy so I didn’t expect to hear from him till later. Everyone was writing happy bday on my facebook and I saw that he was on there cuz he changed his status (bout car shopping) but he never said it to me. I went to my moms (I wasn’t feeling well due to a medication I take) and everyone kept asking about him. I said he’s car shopping. My brother paused and said car dealerships are closed on sundays….(I didn’t know that). I said idk I know he’s getting a car or something. Time went on and everyone kept asking me about him and it was starting to bother me and really embarrass me. My mom told me to text him and just say “hey did you get your car?” I did and he didn’t answer. Which I’m glad he didn’t right away cuz that would’ve meant he wasn’t busy.
I got home and I still hadn’t heard from him. I was really upset cuz it was 8pm and it was my bday. I thought maybe something may have happened and I called him to make sure. He answered and I said hey just checking to see if you’re alive….he said something about how car shopping sucked and the connection was failing and he said I’ll text you. I was really upset at this point because he didn’t even say hey happy bday” So I texted him and this was our conversation:
Well my bday was absolutely terrible.
-why

well I didn’t hear from you all day and that hurt. & just stupid stuff.

-I was hasseling with the salesman till 3 so we went looking at other cars so I helped my parents and here I am

yeah. I just feel like a jackass cuz I thought I’d get a text at least.

-got really busy.

yeah I know. it wouldn’t bother me but you were on fb & junk. Idk I’m not mad, I’m just upset.

-i was on fb to check if my stuff got shipped from korea.

ok just tellin ya.

-oh ok.

you’re being straight with me right?

-yeah i got really busy and tomro i will be too

just makin sure. I’m really freaked im gonna get hurt.

-im gonna be busy for a couple of days.

that’s cool i get that, just sucked. will i get to see you at some point?

-ya well i know for the next couple of days ill be pretty busy.

yeah i understand. I would just really like to see you, when you’re not busy.

-Idk yet when I won’t be busy.

I understand but do you want to see me?

-ya just weird you freaked out like that.

i didn’t mean to freak out, im just paranoid. i know you’re busy and i was texting the first thing that popped in my head. i didn’t mean to freak you out. I’m just in a funk mood.

-ya and freaked me out.

sorry. im scared is all.

-why

I like you and I don’t want anything bad to happen. I’m not good at this stuff.

-alright brb gonna go eat.

ok.

[no text back which didn’t bother me too much cuz i know that he is really busy.]

So I texted this:
sorry i was an asshole. pinky promise to be a non asshole from now on. I’m chill as a penguin no worries . Sweet dreams. Hope you have a productive day tomorrow.
That was the night of the 9th and it’s the 11th and I haven’t heard from him.
I talked to my friends and they said that just give it a couple days and he’ll maybe text me back. I was really pissed cuz I thought I was in the wrong for what I had said. My one sister told me to text him and ask if I did something wrong but I don’t want to do that cuz I don’t want him to think I’m one of those crazy girls. (he had one and had to file a restraining order). I spoke to my other sister today and she told me that he was a jackass and I did nothing wrong. That everyone wants to be told happy bday on their bday.
It wouldn’t bother me so much if we would have ended on good terms. Like the last conversation we had wasn’t a good one. I just thought he would’ve made it a point to tell me happy bday especially after I told him that my bday is always terrible. That’s all I wanted. I don’t know what to do. I really like this guy and I honestly saw me and him lasting a long time. I can be myself with him and I don’t have to act like a girly girl. He just turned into a total jackass over night. I’m at the point where I just want him to acknowledge my existence. I don’t want to forget about him because he made me so happy. Even though it was for sucha short period of time. I was so happy. What do I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The problem is that you’ve only been “talking to this guy” 😕 for six weeks while he was overseas and now that he’s home, he’s not really interested in dating you or seeing you. 😳 It sounds like you invested too much emotionally before you got a chance to see if he would even date you. 😳

Your question, “Too busy to say Happy Birthday?” is sarcastic — because the answer is yes. He was too busy to celebrate your birthday — because he’s just not into you. I’m sorry if that’s harsh, but it’s a shame for you to waste any more time on someone who’s not interested.

You should buy and read Think & Dat Like A Man, so you have a much better idea of how to find, get and keep Mr. Right. You’re making some basic mistakes in dating, and this book will give you way more tips and pieces of advice on how to date successfully, then I can give you here.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[IwannafeelWEIGHTLESS]

He texted me last night right after I posted this. We talked for like 2 seconds but he did text me. My friend Aaron told me that his buddy was overseas and when he got home his girlfriend went through a lot. Said that it was hard for him to adjust to being home because he was so use to being told what to do all the time and use to a different time zone and crap. He said that it only lasted a week(s). I mean I think that makes sense. Cuz going from something as intense as that and coming home would be kinda awkward and weird. Should I just lay low and see what happens?

[IwannafeelWEIGHTLESS]

This may sound lame or pathetic but I heard some people say that coming home is a hard adjustment and I just looked it up and this is what I got:
He will probably be exhausted when he returns.
It may take several days or weeks to readjust back to civilian life.
He may not want to go out or have visitors.
He may be with you physically, but seem very distracted or “not there”.

That’s exactly what he’s acting like too. But I’m not sure what I’m suppose to do.

[IwannafeelWEIGHTLESS]

I am getting so much information but this is the last I got; not good. I told him I needed to talk to him and I told him that it really bothered me he didn’t say happy birthday to me but I didn’t mean to appear to be a bitch about it if I was but I didn’t think I was. The connection between his phone and mine is always really bad so I could barely hear him. He said yeah that kinda freaked me out but (couldn’t understand this part so it’s unknown) I have something to tell you you’re not going to like.
He was stationed in korea for a year because it was kinda like a basic training type of thing? I don’t know I don’t know military stuff. But he just found out that he is going to be going to Dayton on November 1st but once he gets there, he’s being deployed overseas for a year. He said that he tried the long distance thing before when he was in korea and it ended badly. He came home for a friends funeral and found out she had been cheating on him the whole time. So he doesn’t want to do that again. I honestly don’t want to do that but it’d really bother me if we didn’t at least give it a try and see what happens and if we get hurt then at least we got our answer. I’ve been hurt so much that there’s no way I could be hurt more than I already have been so I’m willing to attempt the risk. He’s not at that point. He said he doesn’t want me to be sitting here waiting for him and worrying about him and vis versa. I guess it’s for the best. Because he’ll be able to focus on what he has to do there instead of worrying about me. He said that we can still talk and be friends and stuff but he doesn’t see it working if we tried the long distances thing. But I told him that if anything changed that I’d be here. I’m not gonna wait for him for a year but I want to keep in contact with him and maybe when he gets back? What do you think?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think that based on what you’ve told me about this relationship and your history of bad experiences with other long distance relationships, you shouldn’t keep in touch with him any more. He isn’t showing you any kind of commitment in person, and he’s trying to let you down easily — but you’re trying to make more of it then there actually is. I think this is your pattern, and you’re being given the opportunity in this situation to break the pattern. 🙂

Be kind and polite and wish him well. You can send him a Christmas card, but that’s it. You need to move on and to give him space to move on, too.

I hope that helps. Please let me know how things go — and follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[IwannafeelWEIGHTLESS]

Alright. Well who knows. Maybe we’ll keep in contact here and there (casually) and when he comes home, maybe things will start back up again. But it is a year and that is a long time, a lot can change. Just sucks cuz it feels like we’ll never know what would have happened.

[IwannafeelWEIGHTLESS]

I am so incredibly upset right now. I looked on his facebook and he deleted anything that was pertaining to me. It feels like he wants to forget me and doesn’t want anyone to know about me. I told my friends and they said maybe or it makes him sad to look at it because he can’t be with me. Which is it?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s less important for you to figure out what’s in his head than it is for you to move on. He’s making it clear that for whatever the reason is, that he wants to move on without you. 😳 I know you’re hurt — but you yourself have said that you have bad luck with long distance relationships. This is the perfect time for you to try looking for an “in town” relationship. Rejection stings, but it’s also a gift because it guides us away from men who aren’t compatible or appropriate and allows us the freedom to find those who are! 😀

It’s a day and you get to start re-writing this new chapter in your life.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[IwannafeelWEIGHTLESS]

Ok problem….he’s been talking to me again..said that when he got to dayton they changed his cycle. [which means he’s going the next time or something. it’s confusing]. What the heck does this mean???

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’ve given you my advice on this relationship twice, but you keep ignoring it. 😳

[chelsey]

😀 awesome advice ms. april 😀 you are so good!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you, [b]chelsey![/b] 😀

[IwannafeelWEIGHTLESS]

name dropped. blank message

[IwannafeelWEIGHTLESS]

Okkkk so this started up again. We talked again in 2013 while he was in afganistan. He apologized for bailing on me a hundred times and said that was not going to happen again. Well that time, I bailed on him for my ex boyfriend- whom I met in 2011 2 months after I posted about this feller.
Well we found each other AGAIN. Except this time, it was my turn to apologize and we were actually boyfriend and girlfriend. I could tell he was crazyyyy about me. He’s stationed in Dayton and that is about 4 hours away from me. We would text every 5 seconds, skype for hours, and talk on the phone for at least an hour every night. He ended every phone call with him telling me how much he cared about me and how crazy he is about me. If I didn’t answer within a couple hours, he would text “ya there babe?” Told me he was falling for me and all that. He asked me to be his girlfriend and everything seemed cool. He put in a request for an early discharge from the air force and he got approved! I was sooooo happy!! He was too. He’s a military cop but he hates it. He said if he couldn’t find a cop job then he was going to go to school in Georgia for 3 months for powerline junk and then come back here. That was the plan I knew of.
He wasn’t really talking to me and when I asked what was wrong he said he was in a funk. This went on for a couple days. He didn’t make it clear that this wasn’t caused by me so I was really confused. I told him I needed to know what was going on. He told me he can’t find a job and he’s going to go to Georgia and more than likely not going to be able to come back because he has to take the job that is offered to him and he can’t wait around for a job to be available in Ohio. I told him he was freaking out and needed to chill out because this all isn’t going to happen until September. He said he likes to have plans and we need to end this now. I said why don’t we just go with it and let everything figure itself out? He said he doesn’t want to drag this out and do what he saw my ex do to me. (my ex and I were happy for a year and then he drug me along ). I said “I really like you. You make me happy and I can be myself when I’m with you.” He said yes and that is all true on my end as well. I said dude you really like me why are you making this complicated? We were going back and forth and I said “well fine. I’m gonna end up in Tennessee anyway.” He said why did you date me if that was your plan? I started laughing and said I’d stay here if I had a reason to. We only dated for 3 weeks! The conversation wasn’t going well so luckily his phone died and it was over. I knew some of his freaking out most likely had a lot to do with PTSD.
I messaged him on Facebook and said I was really overwhelmed when we spoke and I would like to talk again because I need to get some things out there. He instantly called me. He was on his way back to this area (he comes out here every break he has. We went to the same high school so we’re from the same town.)I told him I just don’t understand all of this. He said how hard it is to find a job doing powerline stuff and that he more than likely wouldn’t be able to come back to ohio. Then I said ok that’s not what you told me. He said “yes I told you if I couldn’t find a cop job I’d do the powerline stuff.” Then he started talking about possibly getting a cop job which was weird because a few days before that he was opposed to staying a police officer. He got all hardcore and was like “you have to stay here for 2 years because of your program for school. Then when you graduate, I couldn’t expect you to come get a job by me in Texas or something. We wouldn’t even know if one is available.” I started laughing and said “dude we dated for 3 weeks! Why are you planning everything? Just let things happen.” He said he didn’t want to drag this out and do to me what my ex did and he doesn’t want to hurt himself by the long distance thing. I told him we don’t even know what jobs are going to be available at that time and how that changes. He said something about Texas- and I did get hardcore for a second- I said Texas has high pay for Physical Therapy Assistants. (my program). He said it could be any state and Texas was an example. I said “ok this does make sense I suppose but I don’t understand why you’re thinking all this stuff before it happens. You really like me.” He said something about jobs and all that. I said so now we never talk or see each other again? He said I never said that. I started laughing and said well that happens when you break up with someone. I said something about not wanting him to feel weird around me or whatever. He started laughing and said how I’ve seen his friends and nothing could make him feel weird. He said I can text him to say hey and just talk or if he’s in town and I want to go do something then we can. Some crazy ass way we started talking about his truck and all that. The conversation was just about over and I said so if things were to change, would things be different? (implying if he were to find a job in ohio or end up coming back here.) He said I don’t know what is going to happen. I can’t predict the future.
I decided I was going to reach out to him ONE time. I told him I was going to be near him because I was going to church and asked if he wanted to go to the dam for a walk with me. He never answered. So I deleted our conversation from my phone, deleted call logs, and deleted his number. He is still on my snapchat, facebook, and skype though.
I am just so confused!! I seriously KNOW he really likes me. He would tell me how his coworkers told him how happy he has been since him and I started up again. I don’t really know what I’m suppose to do. My friend told me to stay away from him because he seems too intense and he’s too much for me to handle. It’s all just so weird…I honestly didn’t expect this to bother me this much. I mean, it did the first time we talked right before I started dating my ex in 2011…my ex and I would actually get into mini arguments about him and they didn’t even know each other.
He would tell me how much he liked me and how he doesn’t think he ever stopped. That he has always liked me from the beginning. I remember him saying on skype how he wasn’t planning on him falling for me this fast. How he didn’t expect me to mean so much to him. That all throws me completely off because if he was that crazy about me then why wouldn’t he hold onto me? When I said that to him (it was when we were arguing) he yelled and said “I just want you to be effin happy!”
Pleaseeeeee tell me what I should do…I mean, I know I’ve done all I can do and I’m not all about playing games but what do I do IF he contacts me again? This is so crazy….I didn’t expect any of this to happen…

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