"April Masini answers questions no one else can and tells you the truth that no one else will."

"torn between two lovers…"

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  • #4245
    basser069
    Member #37,149

    As the old song goes,I’m “torn between two lovers…”. I have two wonderful women in my life-one has been an on again-off again relationship, and I need her in my life. The other is also a great woman that I had met online, but have kind of been seeing for about 3 months. The first one is funny, gorgeous, firey,etc., and the other is funny,gorgeous, and very conservative. I am torn, and do not know how to handle the situation. I am sure that I would have a decent life with the second one, but I KNOW the first would treat me like a man. What to do-what to do? 🙄

    #17414

    How old are you? Where are you in your life? Ready to get married and/or settle down or still interested in playing the field? How old are they?

    #18995
    basser069
    Member #37,149

    Sorry. I am 45 years of age and they are within a couple of years of my age. I was married for about 16 years. I did not date or see any women until about 2 years after my initial separation from my ex-wife. I then met a wonderful lady, who has since passed-away. I reached-out to an old girlfriend and we became extremely close,once-again. This lasted for about a year an due to the living situation, we parted ways. I then went to an online site and met another wonderful woman who I have been seeing on and off for about 3 months now. The problem is, I work with my ex-girlfriend and everytime we see each other, the sparks fly and the chemistry continues to flow. I want her very badly, but do not want to hurt the one I have been seeing. Both give me something the other does not. I have known my ex-girlfriend since right out of highschool and we do have a 25 year old daughter together as well. I cannot stop thinking about her, and I know this is not fair to the new lady. April, please help me straighten this mess out before I go nuts and before I hurt someone who is a wonderful human being. 🙁

    #17712

    Clearly, you’re single and you’re looking to date, and you haven’t found one woman you want to settle down with. There’s nothing wrong with playing the field. But you have to understand that when you date, there is usually rejection involved. Someone usually gets hurt. That’s the nature of the game, but hopefully everyone involved understands that they’re not going to be EVERYONE’S cup of tea, and vice versa. So trying to keep people from getting hurt isn’t going to work. That said, you [i]can[/i] avoid hurting people unnecessarily by being honest.

    Since you’ve only been dating the woman you’re currently seeing for three months means that you’re still just getting to know her. It shouldn’t be assumed by either of you that the other is monogamous since dating is a process where you get to know who you want to continue spending time with. It sounds like you’re not really interested in monogamy with this woman since you’re still interested elsewhere. You should respect that about yourself. The relationship you have with you ex-girlfriend, with whom you have an adult daughter, is more complicated. I know you have chemistry, but there’s a reason you’re not together in a relationship any more. That said — you may not be ready for a monogamous relationship and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that…. as long as you don’t misrepresent yourself to anyone (including yourself!).

    I hope that helps. Let me know how things go — and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter. 😀

    #17728
    basser069
    Member #37,149

    Thank you,April. I guess I am just really confused. You have given me some things to ponder.

    #17730

    Knowing yourself and knowing what you want is the first step to being in a fulfilling relationship. 😀

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