[twiceconfused]

Dear April,

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost 5 years. We’re both in our early 20s and currently attend the same university. Our families are good friends (became friends after we started going out) and often leave on short trips together. My bf and I travel a lot together, spend time at each others houses for sleepovers, go out with friends, etc. However, I feel like he has a totally different life outside of our relationship. He enjoys spending time with his friends whom I dont know very well, and his excuse for excluding me from it is that I do not agree with their life style of not doing much (such as lack of proper education, no drive for work, etc). He says I dont give him enough space to be who he wants to be and he has to pretent and monitor himself when he’s around me. We bicker a lot about small things that I feel should be obvious enough not to do but seem shocking to him every time I get upset over it. I keep telling him that he shouldn’t expect a different reaction from me when he’s doing those things over and over. Recently, we’ve separated for about 3 weeks, barely talked and when we did, it didn’t lead anywhere. We finally ended up making up but it is still rocky and the second night after, he called to say that he’s going out again. So without even notifying him, I went out too and he only found out when he was on his way home and called to say he’s getting home. I dont know if I am that insecure about our relationship that I am forcing him to want to be with me and want to plan things and hang out with me. Additional pressure was put on him when our friends around us started to get engaged and married. Thats when that disconnect also happened. I obvioiusly want to move things to the next level but he continues to say that he’s too young and he didnt experience the world yet. So now the question becomes, do I continue staying over at his house and invite him to mine? Will be seen as me simply giving up everything and getting nothing in return? Should I act indifferent to his actions and build my own private life without him? I really do want him to be with me, but I am tired of being perceived by him as a person who constantly nags to get what she wants. Please help!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Nobody has a 100 percent PERFECT match, but there has to be [i]enough[/i] compatibility in a relationship to allow it to go the long run. It doesn’t sound like the two of you have enough to make it. 🙁 If he feels like he can’t be himself around you, and you don’t approve of his friends, there is always going to be either his sneaking around without you, which is what he’s doing now (only he’s telling you he’s excluding you and why) or you’re going to feel put upon for having caved by compromising with a man who isn’t everything you want him to be.

I think that this relationship has run it’s course. There is really no sense in your continuing it. To do so would be a charade because you don’t really like who he is, and that won’t make him feel like being with you in the long run.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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