[James123456]

I started dating a women about seven months ago and she became my girlfriend about 4 months into the relationship. Things were going good. There is and at the time was an age difference between us. At the time she was 20 and would turn 21 about 3 months later. I was 24 at the time and am now 25. I am in the military and deployed to Afghanistan in September. Prior to leaving my then girlfriend expressed concerns she would be missing out on a important period of her life, but wanted to wait for me to get back. She expressed concerns stating she had dated a previous Soldier who went to Iraq and he ended up cheating on her. I told her I was not her previous boyfriend and she had nothing to worry about. About 2 weeks into the deployment, she tells me she cannot be in a relationship with me anymore because she would get angry if I was unable to not contact her daily, which I tried to do but it did not and could not happen giving the pace of things around a combat zone. What initially put her over the edge was a fight we had about my Rest and Relaxation period of two weeks. She wanted me to come back to the state my base is in, but she was working a job where she puts in a lot of hours daily and I would only have been able to see her for a few hours total during the whole two weeks. I suggested paying for her to go to a foreign country with me, she just had to get the time off. She refused to do so and she refused to compromise. At this time I also learned a very good friend I had known since kindergarten was getting married. I told her I could also do one week of rest and relaxation in my home state and one week with her but that was not good enough.

She told me through e-mail we should just be friends or she would end up hating me. I told her it seems like she wants to be friends so she can’t feel guilty about doing anything while I am gone. She said it was not like that, there is no one else and all she does is work. We talked on the phone and I finally agreed. Well about one month later I find out she is dating someone else and she did not even tell me, her sister did. This guy is actually leaving the area my base is in 3 months from now to separate from the Army. I confronted her on this and she told me she had planned to tell me but had no reason to because I was not her boyfriend anymore. She recently told me do not make any major decisions including me, do whats best for you and I will do the same.

She first told me she loved me less then three months into the relationship. I told her six months in as it takes me longer to fall in love and I wanted to be sure as this was the first time I fell in love. Now it seems that I was only the one who fell in love and she just went through a phase. Her sister believes she is just putting me on the back burner until I return 10 months from now. It seems at the rate she moves in relationships she won’t even remember who I am in 10 months. She says she cares about me but it does not feel like it. She told me a lot can happen in 10 months and she will not know where we stand when I get back. It hurt when she did this, another thing she did was not even send me an e-mail wishing me a happy birthday on my birthday and she says she cares. I do not know what to do, I actually do love her but cannot forgive her for what she has done. Am I expected to pretend nothing happened and hope she there when I get back if she has already not moved on completely? I believe her age plays a big factor in it but I do not know what to do next. Prior to her doing this, the whole world was going my way, I was in love, I recently had finished a college degree, had paid off the vehicle I own, becoming debt free, I had been promoted to a rank above all of my peers which was unheard of at my age and I got the special assignment I wanted. Then this happened. I now believe even if we did not have a fight about the rest and relaxation period she would have come up with some reason to break up with me to satisfy her need for living her golden years. I also believe it may have been her who could not wait while her ex boyfriend was in Iraq. I want to be mad at her and hate her but something is stopping me. Sometimes I will be working and she will pop into my head. I want to be with her and if she had made it through this deployment she was going to move in with me. What should my next move be? because I did not want to lose her but I will if I absolutely have to. I am still not even sure she will be there when I get back. Am I wasting my time waiting for her or should I move on?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like during the seven months you’ve been dating, and the three months you were boyfriend and girlfriend, she decided that the relationship wasn’t going to work for her. That’s the bottom line. I know you miss her, but you have a LOT going for you with or without her. My advice is that you find a woman who is either more mature and can understand and handle a relationship with a military man, or who is just more into you! (Or both!)

I know you want her — but I’d rather see you want someone who is more compatible with you. She isn’t. Let go of her and pursue someone who’s your Ms. Right (she isn’t). 😉

I hope that helps. If you like it, you can follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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