[Magnetized]

I would like to have not only a female point of view but males point of view as well. I am married and have a good relationship with my husband. I don’t go out looking for someone else but they tend to gravitate my way which is not what I want. I found this to be a huge problem in the working environment from male management staff to male co-workers. My question is simple: How do I put an end to this immediately without being hostile.
The majority of men that have made their intentions well-known that they are attracted to me etc are married. This is soooo twisted. They have a wife and children and the white picket fence with all the trimmings. Why are they out scrounging around for what they think is going to better? OR Are they just looking for a good time due to lack of boredoom in their marriage or maybe because they simply are not happy? I have been singled out on several occasions for various reasons: just stopping by to chat, taking special interest in what I do outside of work, asking personal questions, staring across the room or just simply showing up wherever I may be at while at work or outside of work. Please answer sincerly and from your heart I really do want your point of view but only if it is sincere. This is very maddening to deal with every day at work. I always feel like I have to be looking over my shoulder for this person- it makes me very uncomfortable. I have done nothing to encourage the behaviors instead I try to be professional and to the point and keep topics on work issues only. Thank you for your advice!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’re getting hit on by married men at work. If you give them a simple, firm, “No,” and move on about your business, I’d think that would put an end to their interest. Try a simple, “No.”

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[Magnetized]

Hi April,
Appreciate the advice but how do I say “NO” to unwanted attraction when I am approached for small talk, or leering across the room, or special unwanted attention in the work environment? How do I just turn around and say “NO”? It doesn’t seem to fit the circumstances. Appreciate any suggestions you may have.
Thank you!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

In your first post, all you said that unwanted attention was “gravitating your way”. Now, you’re specifying leering and unwanted small talk. It always helps when readers are specific. 😉

My advice is to ignore leering. If it interferes with your work you can talk to human resources about it. As for unwanted small talk, don’t engage in it. And again, if you feel you’re being sexually harassed at work, talk to your boss or human resources.

You can’t stop other people’s behavior (unless of course you report it and they’re disciplined), but you can control your own. By disengaging and ignoring, you won’t be as bothered.

I hope that helps.

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