[Carteblanche]

Hi there,

I had a bit of a wiered convorsation with the boss of the place I work in the other day. I told my line manager & she said the only way he would have meant something inappropriate is if he was ill or on drugs & she has never known him to be inappropriate & has known him for 8 years. She said he was probably referring to something he thought I already knew about & was just being friendly. I wrote down what he said after the convorsation (please see below)with my line manager but did not show her this. They are good friends; she baby sits his children, takes his clothes to the dry cleaner & has leant him money.
I think she may have told him what i told her in confidence as soon after i told her he started coughing nervously around me & does not make eye contact.

Him: Do you ever think about doing something you shouldn’t do?

Me: No never I’m a saint. Do you?

Him: All the time.

Me: You think about deleting your diary all the time?

Him: It’s not the diary.

Me: If you think about it all the time why don’t you do it?

Him: I’m not sure what sort of reaction I would get.

Me: From (colleagues’ names)?

Him: No.

Me: From (more colleagues’ names)?

Him: No, they wouldn’t know. Only we would know it would be our little secret.

Me: So you’re not sure what sort of reaction you would get from me?

Him: Yes.

Me: So it’s a work thing?

Him: Yes.

Me: Wow I never realised my opinion mattered so much. I’m sure you know what you’re doing & don’t need input from me.

Him: You’re involved.

Me: How am I involved. Is it to do with my job?

Him: (Shook head). It will be fun.

Me: Who else is involved?

Him: Just us.

Me: So it involves me & you shouldn’t do it?

Him: (Nodded)

Me: But you want to do it?

Him: More than anything.

Me: And you think about it all the time?

Him: All the time.

Me: If you shouldn’t do something there’s usually a reason. It doesn’t sound very good.

Him: It would be good, it would be fun.

Me: Yeah people always want to do stuff they’re not supposed to….

Him: Forbidden fruit.

Me: …..but the reality isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.

Him: It would be as good. Better. It would be fun.

Me: Why don’t you just say what it is? This is very random, why are you telling me this now?

Him: I had other commitments before.

Me: And you don’t now?

Him: (Shook his head)

Me: How come?

Him: I’ll tell you later. You know, you see my diary.

Me: There’s no room in your diary.

Him: There is.

Me: Where? Weekends?

Him: (nodded) and some other times.

Me: It doesn’t sound like a fun thing you look nervous.

Him: It would be fun.

Me: It sounds messy.

Him: It wouldn’t be, no one needs to know.

Me: It sounds like it would be really awkward afterwards.

Him: It wouldn’t be awkward, it would be better.

Me: How did you work that one out?

Him: It would be more relaxed and fun.

Me: I wouldn’t be able to relax keeping a big secret.

Him: You can’t let go? We’d take it slow. You would be able to relax, no one would need to know.

Me: You’d take it slow?

Him: Yeah we’d build up to it. What do you like to drink?

Me: What do I drink? What’s that got to do with anything?

Him: You should try taking it slow.

Me: Why?

Him: It’s more fun.

Me: I don’t know you.

Him: You could get to know me.

Me: Why would I want to do that?

Him: It would be fun.

Me: Build up to what? Are you always like this? Where’s your friend?

Him: (Shook his head). He’s not here.

Me: Have you done this ‘thing’ before?

Him: No.

Me: Why not?

Him: It never came up.

Me: And you think it’s come up now?

Him: I think it might’ve.

Me: You seem pretty sure of yourself.

Him: I’m not sure.

Me: But you were hoping.

Him: (Nodded)

Me: You do this all the time don’t you.

Him: (shook head) It’s never come up before.

Me: What is it?

Him: (shook his head)

Me: You can’t say.

Him: Nodded.

Me: I don’t know about being in on your big secret & it being fun I mean you’re a bit highly strung. You’re not horrible but you’re not exactly nice either.

Him: I’m different outside of work.

Me: It’s a bit of a jump to go from that to being in on some big secret.

Him: We’d take it slow.

Me: So you wouldn’t want to do this ‘thing’ right away?

Him: (shook head) I’m not like that.

Me: I don’t believe you’ve never done what ever it is before.

Him: You don’t trust me?

Me: No.

Him: Why not?

Me: I just don’t.

Him: I thought you liked having fun?

Me: You thought I liked having fun?

Him: (Nodded)

Me: Not at work.

Him: It wouldn’t be at work.

Me: I thought you said it was a work thing. What does it have to do with me if it’s not a work thing?

Him: It’ll be chilled out & fun, no would know. Just the two of us.

Me: I’m not a thing Peter. I’m not interested & I’m not running after anyone.

Him: It wouldn’t be like that, I’m not like that.

Me: It’s always like that when there’s a big disparity. They always have loads of……and treat you like crap.

Him: Baggage.

Me: Yeah. You just get treated like crap by people who think you’re nothing & taken for a mug & they think you’re only good enough for one thing. I’m intelligent & i’ve got my whole life ahead of me. I think i can do better than that

Him: It wouldn’t be like that, I’m not like that.

Me: It always is.

Him: It’s the ones you go for.

Me: Yeah exactly, I’m not doing that again.

Him: You think they’re all after one thing.

Me: Yeah when there’s a big difference they are, I’ve got nothing in common with…

Him: You have with your brother.

Me: It’s completely different he’s my brother & we’ve been through a lot together. We’ve got lots in common.

Me: I’m not even friends with…

Him: You could be.

Me: Haha you want to be my friend?

Him: Not all men are after one thing.

Me: Ok I apologise I’ve obviously got the wrong end of the stick. I would like to point out though that most people would find the things you just said odd.

Him: You haven’t got the wrong end of the stick.

Me: I haven’t got the wrong end if the stick?

Him: (Shook head) I’m not like that, it wouldn’t be like that.

Me: I haven’t got the wrong end of the stick but it wouldn’t be like that?

Him: (Nodded)

Me: What would it be like?

Him: Fun & chilled out.

Me: Ok I don’t really get what you’re talking about. Is this some kind of joke because I don’t think it’s funny.

Him: It’s not a joke.

Me: Prove it.

Him: I want to.

Me: Why don’t you?

Him: I want to but I can’t.

Me: If its a work thing why don’t you just tell me. You’re all about the innuendo, I wasn’t born yesterday. Ok i’m just going to move on with your diary because I don’t really know what this is about.

Him: (Laughed)

Me: Why are you laughing at me?

Him: I’m not.

Me: Ok whatever, moving on.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like it was a mutual conversation where you were both flirting with each other. Are you interested in dating him?

[Carteblanche]

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I have mixed feelings to be honest. I don’t want to get used again (which is why i got pissed off & told my line manager). But i have a bit of a soft spot for him.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

My advice is to find a friend outside of work to talk to about this — you may end up getting him (and yourself) in trouble at work when you appear to be complaining about a superior’s romantic and sexual advances. 😕 If you have any other questions, you’re welcome to bring them to me here. 🙂

[Member]

Posts