[2true4you]

A girl I’ve been seeing for over a month now has recently told me she’s slept with two of her ex’s. Both were during the short time we’ve been dating. With us, I could tell she was holding something back. We never slept together but we saw each other frequently and had a very good connection. Now that she’s told me about her past she wants to keep seeing me. I already trust and respect her significantly less than I ever have before.

Would I be disrespecting myself if I give this a shot and keep seeing her?

[Ask April Masini]

The first month of dating is really a get to know you time. In fact, the first three months of dating are the time to decide if you even want to continue dating someone else. You should always assume that someone is playing the field during these first three months — and they should assume the same of you. The thing I can’t figure out from what you’ve written, is why she’d tell you, during the first month of dating, that she’s slept with two of her exes. I don’t think she’s done anything wrong by sleeping with them, but telling you is provocative, and I’m not sure what type of reaction she was hoping to elicit, or what she hoped to gain by sharing this information with you. Do you?

I definitely understand why you thin less of her. Giving you that information either drives you away and makes you feel like you’re less special than you might have been otherwise, or it lets you know that she’s pretty “easy going” about sleeping with men. That said… I certainly don’t think less of you for continuing to date her! I just think you should factor this behavior in as you continue to get to know her and decide if she’s someone you want to continue dating.

Hope that helps!

[2true4you]

Much appreciated April.

I think she was eager to change a lot of her fucked up past and chose me as the starting point. It felt sincere but obviously quite disappointing.

I’m not standing on some moral high ground and saying I haven’t been slutty or “easy going” in my past–but it’s unfortunate that my perception of the this situation started off very differently from where it’s gone to now. I guess everything is a learning process. Damnit being open minded is tough.

Thanks again

[Ask April Masini]

I think you’re just disappointed that things didn’t go the way you had hoped, and that’s just part of life! 😉 Better to learn out front and up front, then later and as a result of nondisclosure.

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