[bjramon]

How do I get my friendship back with my guy friend I have known for 3 years? 6 days ago we had a blowup due to my multiple mistakes while working on a major book editing project with him and almost made him miss his deadline for publishing his novel. He decided to go with another female he knew who is a professional editor. He knew I never did this before but that I was a professional graphic designer. I have also done marketing and design work for him as well as being sort of involved in other personal and business projects. We have at times been friends with benefits and he even invited me numerous times to family dinners and this past Christmas I spent time with him and his family and just he and I alone for several days. He has called me and talked hours on the phone about everything. He has not spoken to me in over a week not even after I have sent him files to help him out. He does own 5 other businesses and is stressed out, very busy, and he has gotten out of touch with me like this in the past even when things were ok between us but felt he could have at least said something to me. I even emailed him saying how sorry I was for messing things up a 2nd time and that I do not want to ruin our friendship. He has done things for me in the past as a friend and shared very private things with me and I have never betrayed his trust in me but feel he thinks I broke trust as this book series is his life. He often tells me he can’t trust women and that everyone always screws him over. Not sure what else I can do to get this friendship back. I’m devastated and not sure when I should write a very short text to him to see whether or not we can resume the friendship or whether he wants me to leave him alone for good. Either way I feel I deserve closure. I even have 3 chapters he wrote that he will need as it is the original writing for the book at my apartment and he never even asked for those back yet. I’m confused and hurt.

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like the rift was over a work issue, and you’ll do a lot better with him if you give him more time to cool down. Wait a week or two before reaching out. Right now, he’s probably still upset about the setback he suffered at work, and in a couple of weeks, he’ll start having some perspective on that problem, and be missing the part of you that is his friend. Don’t forget to apologize — send flowers and a heartfelt note.

[bjramon]

Thanks so much April! By the way, we are both in our early 40s, not sure that matters, but thought you should know.

[Ask April Masini]

Ages do matter, so thanks. But I still think you need to give him more time to get over the work problems. When he does, I think he’ll be interested in rekindling the relationship you have outside of the office.

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