[burberry]

This weekend I had dates #1 and #2 (Friday and Saturday nights) with a guy I met online who traveled several hours to my city to meet after talking on the phone and e-mailing for a while. Date #1 was great – he seemed thrilled and made it clear that he was interested in building a relationship. Date #2 was confusing. He seemed a little distant at times and complained about a few trivial things unrelated to me (like not geting much sleepafter date #1 the night before, the food at dinner, etc.). That made me wonder whether he really wanted a second date, or was going on the second date because we had already planned two dates. Before we met, we had talked about an activity we both wanted to do, but that would be suitable for another time. So, to try and get a read, I asked him whether he still wanted to do the third activity and he said yes with a reasonable degree of enthusiasm (as opposed to hesitation). Then at the end, he made a comment that I blow hot and cold (which is what I think about him) and I couldn’t tell what he wanted going forward – does he still want to build a relationship or not? So, I want to call and just ask him bluntly, but of course I cannot. What can I do, if anything, about this? It would be a shame if something with potential were to be lost because each of us is holding back to get a read on the other or thinks the other isn’t interested.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If he asks you out on the third date, [i]that’s[/i] how you’ll know that he’s interested in getting to know you further. It sounds like dates one and two were back to back and prearranged because you have a long distance situation. You’re right that if date two hadn’t been prearranged there might not have been a second date. That’s why date three seems like it will be more of a test as to whether or not he really likes you! There is nothing for you to do except wait and see if he invites you out again. I know it’s difficult to not be proactive, but that’s your best bet. Chasing or pushing men never works in the long run. 😉 I’m glad you know that.

Please let me know how things go, and follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[burberry]

Thanks. Good news and bad news to report. The good news is that I finally heard from him without contacting him. He e-mailed me Tuesday night and said he’d asked for time off at a certain time we discussed for another visit, i.e., 3rd date. Here’s the bad news. I e-mailed him Wednesday evening to say Happy Thanksgiving, but have received no response. Tomorrow will make a week since he’s written me. I thought he would have written sometime over the holiday weekend to say Happy Thanksgiving back. Here’s my follow up question. Assuming I’ll hear from him again (since he has, after all, kind of bookmarked me for a certain weekend), how and how soon should I respond? Should I make him wait however long I have to wait from my last e-mail to his next? Also, am I right to be discouraged? I mean, I’ve heard that what matters most is what he does/doesn’t do between dates as opposed to during the date. Most of the time, by the time a third date is in the works, I’d hear from a guy more often. How can I get him to want to communicate with me more? Thanks again.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re trying to get him to be someone he isn’t, and this isn’t going to serve you well. 😳 Dating is a process that allows you to get to know someone. If you spend your time trying to manipulate him, you won’t see who he is. My advice is to take a breath and relax. He didn’t respond to your Happy Thanksgiving text because he didn’t want to. Absorb that. Process it. He may not be that into you yet — or at all — but you’ve really only had one “double” date. It sounds like he’s asking you out on a second date and is making arrangements because you live four hours from each other.

My advice is that you buy and read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], so you have a lot more advice at your fingertips. The book will answer a lot of questions you’re asking here — and the ones you aren’t asking [i]yet[/i]! 🙂

I also think you should be playing the field because you’re putting too much energy into this relationship that is in the very beginning stages. Let it progress so you can focus on deciding if he’s someone you want to continue seeing or not.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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