[ginger]

My world has been turned upside down. My boyfriend and i broke up three weeks ago after a two year relationship. Our relationship was awesome, we got along great, we depended on each other and above all, we were best friends. I thought of him as my closest confidant. He broke up with me after a 3 day long talk – which came out of the blue. He said he was confused and lost in his own life, scared of commitment, but didn’t want to lose me. He recently moved an hour away with one of his friends, to help his friend pursue his musical career (which has nothing to do with my ex). What i think has happened is he’s gotten wrapped up in his new lifestyle and his friend is also single. But what makes me mad and upsets me, is he always tried to inform me that this would work because it has to. And within hours/days/weeks before the abrupt break up, we were great. I saw no signs. I really do think he is afraid of commitment and is unsure of his future, but he dropped the closest and best thing in his life (which our friends and his family believe too). I have talked to him twice since our break up and he has cried both times. He has now said “i don’t know how i feel about you”, saying he had lost feelings for me, but i actually think he is making up excuses to make things easier. Because not a week prior, he told me how lucky he felt to have me as his girlfriend. During our last conversation he said “im not sure if its me falling out of love with you or im just making a really stupid decision.” And then randomly in that same conversation, he said “did you know my parents broke up for 6 months before getting back together?” Our convo ended with him saying, “ill talk to you soon, probably not today, but soon.” I don’t have any hope, and i am pretty disappointed in him for the way he handled this because of how important we were to each other, but I am really upset because I felt like I lost more than just my boyfriend. We were completely devoted to each other, and it was obvious to everyone. I can’t look back on our relationship and have any regrets. Im hoping that he realizes his mistake one day, for my sanity and not to sound stupid, but I was the best thing that ever happened to him…WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DROP THAT?!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[ginger]

Im 23 and he is 24

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There’s something else going on with him that either he’s not sharing with you or you’re not sharing with me. My guess is that it’s the former. A break up after two years of monogamy doesn’t come out of the blue. Something leads up to it and either he’s not being honest with you about what it is, or he’s not being honest with himself so he can’t be honest with you. Either way, you’re out one boyfriend and it’s understandable that you’re heartbroken.

However…. if after two years he doesn’t want a relationship or a relationship with you or both, then it’s in your best interest that he’s moved on. I know you want him to come back, but after the shock of the break up wears off, you’re going to be angry that he left you and then you’re eventually going to realize that he isn’t the right one for you if he made this kind of mistake after two years, at his age.

His moving an hour away from you is an obvious sign of wanting to separate from you and his starting to hang out with single people instead of couples, is another sign that he’s not interested in being in a committed relationship. His deciding to help a friend with a music career instead of focusing on his own career is a sign that he’s searching for something that isn’t in his life now. All in all, you’re painting a picture for me of a guy who’s lost his way. This isn’t good boyfriend material. 😕 I know you’ve invested two years in him, but I think he’s gone for now and if he comes back, I hope that you’ll have realized that what you want for yourself is someone you can count on and who is not just loyal but mature, too.

I know that doesn’t help the current sting you’re feeling, but time is a great healer of all wounds to the heart. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[ginger]

Thank you for your advice. Can you give me any insight why he would act completely normal? I am afraid to trust anyone at this time, and so I am trying to get inside his mind because he can’t seem to give me a clear answer. He invited us to a wedding that is in a year, a week before we broke up. And we were both planning on moving to where he is now, which I still am in a few months. You’re right, he has lost his way. I feel okay and am trying to move forward but this is always in the back of my mind. I think he is stringing me along because he doesn’t want to lose me, but he wants to be free right now – which is not fair. Just trying to make sense of it. Thanks again for your help 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think he is acting normal. He’s acting lost. And you’re right, he’s trying to hold onto you while he explores other options. Whether or not it’s “fair” isn’t something I can comment on, but it is selfish and you don’t want a selfish boyfriend — I know that much!

Next. 😉

[ginger]

Hi April,

So I wanted to update you because it’s gone in a full circle since the last week. I talked to him last night due to other circumstances that had to do with his sister, who is my close friend, going through a rough time. Anyway, in the midst of talking about her, we started talking about us because I was telling him that I felt he had not only neglected me but there were now other people that felt as though he left them as well. We went back and forth for awhile, he was saying that he hadn’t been happy but didn’t want to lose me so he didn’t know what to say, but in handling it in the way he did he had hurt me even more. And then he finally said what I have been thinking the entire time…that it wasn’t actually about us or me at all but that he felt as though he really did need to find himself because he felt like he had nothing to offer another person. He stated that he didn’t have a reason to leave me, that it is about him finding happiness within himself. It was a really good conversation, I finally felt like I had answers. I expressed to him that this had been especially difficult for me because I felt like I didn’t have a clear answer and we were so close that it didn’t make sense to me, therefore I was feeling I was unable to move forward. We said our relationship was so to speak “right thing, wrong time”, and I am really proud of us for saying it isn’t right to be in a relationship if we can’t give each other everything. He said to me that we shouldn’t think of this as losing each other, because we don’t want that. I think we’ll grow to be good friends or we will grow up and grow back together. I have never felt this strongly about someone so that’s why I hope it works out for the best (friends or more). I told him that I didn’t want to be with him because I know it isn’t right either. We know we are good for each other and we make each other happy, so it would be unfortunate to lose each other.

Thoughts?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s time for you to move on.

Read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], if you’re serious about dating and finding Mr. Right. It will help you understand why you shouldn’t be looking at potential in a man. You should look at who the man is, now. 😉 You can buy the book at the link I gave you or on the sites for Amazon or Barnes & Noble! 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Member]

Posts