[Angela]

When my husband and I first got together he complimented me always touched me rubbed my feet my back hung on my every word and was proud of me…. He cheated on me and had twins with a relative of my sons from a previous relationship I decided I love him I will try to make things work well I forgave him but ever since he cheated he has changed for the worse he makes fun of everything I say corrects me all the Time maybe holds my hand 1 a day and I have to ask for attention and he never gives it like he use to rarely tells me I’m beautiful when it’s just us he’s bored and has nothing to talk about or if I talk he asks as if I’m an idiot and stupid we argue cause he’s always got to be right like today our daughter bit my middle child and he said no she pinched her well my daughter confirmed she bit her I said maybe she did both cause I only saw the bite parts he says are you serious I seen everything that didn’t happen I know this shouldn’t bother me that much but he does this about everything I’m started to resent him and don’t even like talking to him anymore he could care less about making me happy or agreeing to disagree or maybe even saying hey your right I’m wrong I can’t stand it and I want to leave But then don’t want to im very tired of it have talked to him about it he says you don’t show me any affection either I’m freaking out he’s sleeping not giving a crap about anything while I’m up trying to find a solution should I just be done

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Fill me in a little more, and I’ll give you my best advice. 🙂

How old are you both?

How long have you been married?

How many kids do you have, and how old are they, and if you can explain how they’re related to you or him, that would be great. 😉

[Angela]

I’m 31 he’s 36 and we have one kid together been married 4 years and my son is from a previous relationship he’s 12 and my sons cousin on his dad’s side is the one my husband cheated on me with I was suppose to have his first kid and he ended up having twins with this home wrecker I feel insecure I know I forgave him but forgetting is two different things I also wish since this did happen he has changed and in turns caused me to change

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it — sort of. You referred to a “middle child” but you only talked about your baby (daughter) and your son from a previous relationship. Are there more kids besides his twins? Let me know if you write again.

This has got to be very difficult for you! Your husband is probably sharing joint custody of his twins, as well as paying child support for them to the woman he cheated on you with, who happens to be your son’s cousin on your ex-husband’s side of the family. 😳 So, no matter how much you want to forget the betrayal, it’s created twin step-children for you, and half siblings for your baby with your husband. 😕 That you’re having trouble getting over this is understandable.

It also sounds like you think your husband has changed since the affair, and that you’re unhappy in the marriage, and so, too, is he. 😥

First, you have to understand that unless he has a history of cheating, affairs don’t usually happen in a vacuum. Men cheat because they don’t feel the way that they want to feel, in the marriage. I understand that you’ve forgive him, but to get past this takes time and work. You both have to be willing to figure out why the affair happened, and what was missing your marriage that he was looking for elsewhere. I know this is distasteful because you feel victimized, but if you want to make the marriage work, that’s what you both have to want to do. And it’s not easy. 😉

Next, you have to figure out where you can make changes in your own behavior to make the marriage better. You’re talking about a lot of things that he’s been doing that upset you, and I understand that. But what can you do to make things better? Figure that out, and take action. 😎 Your husband’s change in behavior is happening for a reason, and in order to make the relationship better, you have to do what you can to adjust your part in it. 🙂

I hope that helps.

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