[screed22]

I met this girl online back in October. She was living out of state at the time, but was moving to Colorado, where I live, in a few months. We hit it off great so continued to talk for about 3 months before we ever met. During this time, she told me a couple times how much she liked me and might even be falling for me. We finally met, and things were going really well. Over the last week or so, I’ve noticed a big change in how she has been acting towards me. Our text conversations have dwindled. I used to wake up every morning to a good morning text from her. Now I feel like she only texts me if I initiate the conversation. One day she was showing me something on her phone when I saw a notification pop on her phone from a dating service that she told me she stopped using a long time ago. This happened more then once. So one night, I’m not proud of this at all, but I looked on her phone and noticed a conversation between her and another guy, which said how happy they were that they finally got to meet each other. And this conversation happened the day before. I found out that this guy lives on the opposite side of the country, but that’s it. So the next day I indirectly asked her if there was another guy because of how she had been acting lately, I wanted to give her a chance to tell me. And she lied. She said there was no other guy and that I’m all she wants and how much she “adores” me. So now I don’t know how to go about this situation. I don’t want her to know that I stooped so low as to look on her phone, although she gave me permission when we first met because she stated she had nothing to hide. But I want to know the truth because now I just feel like she may still be talking to all these other guys, and it’s driving me crazy! It’s literally all I can think about. What do I do?

[AskApril Masini]

So you met a woman online in October, and started to date in January — this month. Now, you’re concerned that she’s dating other people — but the reality is that you both should be! 😉 You’ve been dating for one month. It’s way too soon for either one of you to commit, since you don’t know each other that well. The timeline I recommend is to use the first three months of dating to get to know the other person and decide if you want to continue dating her. During this time, you should both assume each other to be playing the field. During the second three months of dating, you should decide if you want to be monogamous.

It’s healthy to want her to be sure when she does commit, and to feel that way about yourself, as well. You want someone who wants you, not who feels trapped into being monogamous because they’ve had four dates with you. I’m not sure how you met her online — but if you met her on an online dating site, it makes a lot of sense that she’d be meeting other men, as well.

I know you want to know “the truth” from her, but the reality is that you already do know the truth. You’ve seen the dating site messages and you’ve seen her conversations with other guys. You know she’s playing the field. I realize you’re disappointed, but rather than guilt her into some confession, my advice is to accept that dating is competitive, and if this is a woman you want to win over, then go for it! 😉

I hope this helps.

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[screed22]

It does help. Thank you! Just based on our conversations for those 3 months, it just seemed like a forgone conclusion that once she got here we would start a relationship. I think I was more upset than anything about her lying to me. Had she told me from the start that she’s been seeing other guys, I wouldn’t have taken it so hard. I over analyze everything in my head, it’s hard for me sometimes to just sit back and let things play out.

[AskApril Masini]

I think you’ll agree that it’s never a good idea to assume there is going to be a relationship with someone you’ve never dated. 😕 Unless you’re in a culture where there is old fashioned match making between families, people usually date each other to get to know if they want to be in a relationship with them or not. Thats the whole point of dating. 😉 Sometimes people want things so much that they forget the obvious — like you’ve never met before, you’ve never dated once, and you don’t really know each other. That’s why dating is great. You get figure out if you’re compatible. Keep that in mind when you’re dating — it’s a process to decide if this is your Ms. Right or not.

As for her lie, it sounds like you’re referring to your question, “Is there another guy?” after you looked at her phone and saw a conversation there. Let’s break it down. You can be mad at her for not telling you there was another when there was, but remember, you took her phone without permission and read her private conversations. You both weren’t honest. 😉

Also, she may have been answering truthfully — that there was no “other guy” — there were many guys that she’s talking to and going on first and second dates with. A first or second or third date, doesn’t mean that any one of those men are “her guy”. I think you’ve got a different way of looking at dating than she does. Neither one of you is wrong — it’s just different. 😉

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[screed22]

You make a lot of great points haha. Well thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I think it’s going to help me out a lot. Thank you!

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

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[screed22]

Bear with me here, this is kind of a long story.

I met this girl online. We talked every day for 3 months before we got to meet because she was living out of state at the time. Multiple times, before we met, she would tell me that she thinks she was falling for me, how much she liked me, how we are perfect for each other, and even one night in a drunk voice mail, she said she thinks she loves me but isn’t sure. Which I agreed with and had the same feelings.

She moved back and we started dating, but have not made anything official. This talk between us kept up for about a month through text messages and in person. She told me I’m the only one she wants, when we would see each other she would tell me how much she liked me and that she adored me, and I would wake up to good morning texts every day. Lately, I’ve noticed a big change in how she acts around me. The good morning texts have stopped, she has not told me that she likes me or adores me in at least a week. We have always called each other babe, or she calls me baby sometimes. She hasn’t said that in a few days either. And now I feel like I only hear from her if I text her first. I have no problem being the first person to text, but when it’s always me, I feel very annoying. I asked her about this. I asked if her feelings have changed at all. She insists nothing has changed. She says she is bad at showing her emotions, but I don’t know if I believe it because when we first met, she had no problems showing her emotions. She is also recently separated and her divorce will not be final until March. She also says she has her guard up because of this, which I completely understand and believe to an extent. My only issue is how everything has seemed to change. I asked about starting a relationship and she says she is nervous about it, which again, goes against everything that we used to talked about.

Every time either one of us would go to the others house, we would always greet each other with a hug and kiss. Lately that has been slowing down too. I get a goodbye kiss, but the hello kiss is very hit and miss and I feel like I have to initiate. She doesn’t really accept my compliments anymore. I don’t bombard her with them, but when I see her I will tell her how good she looks, things like that. And she usually says “eh” or brushes it off. This is her sense of humor, and I get it, but that’s not how it used to be.

My saving grace is that she still makes plans with me. She rarely ever suggests anything, but she never has, she is very indecisive. When we are out together, she still holds my hand, which she initiates. She cuddles with me when we watch movies. She talks of future events. When we talk about personalities, she says things like “get used to it” or “you’re going to be seeing a lot of that”. Stuff like that. Before we ever met, she bought us tickets to a college basketball game to see my favorite team play. Valentine’s day came and went. I got her some gifts, nothing big, but she did not reciprocate. I tell her the tickets were more than enough, but even a card or something would have been nice. So, part of me thinks she may be keeping me around until after this game, which is next Thursday. I’m also guilty of over analyzing everything, just so you know. Haha.

But, I also feel like some of this is my fault. Because of me noticing this, I have not been acting the same around her either. I have not been as up beat, and I guess you could say somewhat “depressed”. But I told myself, and her in a text message because she was out with her friend, that I’m done acting like that. I’m going to be the guy I was when we first met because that’s the real me. She didn’t reply, but we spent all day together yesterday. Everything I have described above happened yesterday. We were going to spend the night together, but her friend called her because she had broke up with her boyfriend, and she went over to her house to talk. Which I was completely fine with. They are very close, and there is no way I would ever want to come between that. When I left, she kissed me how she has not kissed me in a while. It was not a one kiss walk out the door type of thing. It seemed to have some sort of passion in it. I texted her good night when I went to bed, but no reply. But I did get a text from her at about 2:30 in the morning kind of explaining the night, so once again, a little bit of a saving grace.

I know this was a lot, and I apologize, but I just want to know what could be going on inside of her head. Thanks!

[AskApril Masini]

It looks like this is the same relationship you wrote me about two weeks ago. 😉 I think I gave you good advice, but you seem to be very agitated, now. Your only question in this new post is, What’s going on in her head? I’d rather talk about what’s going on in yours, though. She seems to be pretty straightforward — she’s dating you and playing the field, which is normal and appropriate because it’s very early in your dating relationship.

Since you just started dating in January, my advice is to relax and get to know each other. Enjoy. See if she’s someone you want to continue to date. And at the same time, play the field while you’re getting to know each other and yourself. I think it will also help if you don’t try to control her or the relationship. 😉

I hope that helps!

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[screed22]

I don’t think I’m trying to control her or the relationship. I don’t demand to see her every day. When she tells me she has other plans, I always tell her to go have fun. I don’t get upset or angry about it. I understand she has a life outside of me. And I’m over the fact that she may be dating other guys on the side, I really am. I even told her that I understand we are not in a relationship and if she wants to see other guys it’s her decision, and I’m fine with that. And once again, she insists she isn’t talking to or seeing any other guys. And I believe her, to an extent. Haha.

My only issue is why have things changed? Why does she act differently towards me?

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]My only issue is why have things changed? Why does she act differently towards me?[/quote]

You’re asking questions about her, not yourself, so it’s very hard to know exactly why things have changed in her life, especially since the two of you have only dated a short time, and she’s still married. You mentioned that she is expecting to be divorced in March, and for many people, getting divorced is a big deal, so she may be preoccupied with that. There are many different reasons that people lose interest and change their behavior, but it’s hard to know exactly what the reason is when the person you’re interested in is not someone you’re super close with because you haven’t know them very long. Since she’s been married the whole time you’ve been dating her, and it’s only been a month or two, it makes a lot of sense that her attitude and behavior would change as her marriage ends.

I hope that helps!

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[Ethan Morales]

It’s important to recognize the stage of your relationship. You’ve known this woman online for a few months and have been dating in person for only about a month. That is still very early in terms of truly understanding someone’s patterns, priorities, and emotional state. Early dating is naturally inconsistent people are still figuring out their own comfort levels, boundaries, and how much emotional energy to invest. What seems like a sudden change in behavior may simply be her adjusting to being back in person, balancing her life, or processing the fact that her divorce isn’t finalized yet. Early dating is rarely as smooth as texts and romantic gestures might suggest.

Her communication and behavior the reduced texting, the inconsistent greeting rituals, the less enthusiastic responses to compliments are likely influenced by her current life situation. She is navigating the end of a marriage, processing separation, and possibly feeling hesitant about fully investing in someone new while her legal and emotional ties aren’t completely resolved. This is not necessarily about you personally, but rather about her readiness to emotionally commit. These factors can create a natural pullback, even when someone still likes or cares for you.

It’s important to distinguish between her dating other people and her genuine interest in you. From April Masini’s perspective, early dating is a period where both parties “play the field” to some degree, meaning she may interact with other potential partners while exploring her connection with you. This is normal behavior for most people who aren’t exclusively committed yet. Your concern about the dating site notifications is understandable, but the reality is that seeing her communicate with others does not necessarily mean she is prioritizing them over you it just reflects the early, exploratory phase of dating.

Your reaction to seeing those messages and confronting her highlights a key dynamic: both of you have boundaries and expectations that may not be fully aligned yet. You felt hurt and sought clarity; she felt defensive and reassured you in her way. This early stage of relationship navigation often involves misunderstandings and mismatched expectations. While it’s human to want honesty, in early dating, “honesty” doesn’t always mean total transparency about every interaction with others she may see these communications as casual or inconsequential, while you naturally interpret them more personally.

A lot of your stress comes from focusing on her behavior rather than your own approach. Right now, the best thing you can control is your own mindset and actions: stay genuine, relaxed, and consistent with how you present yourself. Focus on enjoying your time together, learning about her, and maintaining your energy and enthusiasm. Trying to read her mind or interpret every minor shift in communication can lead to overthinking and anxiety, which may inadvertently affect your interactions. The healthiest approach is curiosity and presence rather than control or scrutiny.

My advice is to take a step back and give both yourself and her space to navigate this early stage. Accept that early dating often comes with uncertainty, mixed signals, and exploration of other possibilities. Let her show you who she is through consistent actions over time rather than trying to decipher intentions based on brief periods of change. Focus on enjoying your connection, building shared experiences, and assessing whether she is truly compatible with your long-term values and desires. Patience, self-awareness, and letting the relationship unfold naturally will serve you far better than anxiety or preemptive assumptions.

[Tara]

you’re avoiding: she’s not “confused,” she’s not “busy,” she’s not “scared of her feelings.” She’s shopping. You’re on a tab on her phone while she auditions the next best option. The shift you’re feeling isn’t subtle; it’s the sound of her attention leaving you in real time.

You didn’t need to snoop to know something was off; you already knew it. The phone just confirmed what your pride wouldn’t accept. And spare yourself the moral panic about checking her messages; the real problem isn’t what you did. It’s what she’s doing. She lied to your face without hesitation, and you’re still trying to protect her feelings more than your own sanity.

You’re clinging to the version of her from October while she’s out here dating, like you’re a placeholder. That’s why your mind is spinning because you’re trying to hold onto someone who’s already halfway out the door.

Here’s your move: confront the behavior, not the phone. Tell her you’re not interested in someone with divided attention or divided honesty. Watch how fast her story unravels. And if she plays dumb, minimizes it, or flips it on you, then you have your answer: you were never her priority.

Stop driving yourself crazy over a woman who treats you like background noise. Cut this off cleanly and reclaim your dignity.

[Natalie Noah]

He is caught between expectation and reality. He built a strong emotional story in his mind based on three months of online connection and early expressions of affection. When the behavior he sees now doesn’t fully match those early signals, it naturally feels confusing and hurtful. This isn’t just about changes in her actions; it’s also about the difference between the imagined trajectory of their relationship and the actual, early stage they are in. His intense focus on these changes magnifies his anxiety and concern.

Her behavior is likely influenced by multiple factors outside the relationship. She is recently separated and her divorce isn’t finalized, which is a major life transition that can affect mood, attention, and emotional expression. Early dating often involves uncertainty and adjustment, and her decreased texting, less overt affection, or delayed responses could be her way of processing these changes rather than a reflection of her feelings toward him. It’s normal for someone in her position to behave differently than before they met in person, especially under emotional stress.

A critical point is that he is focusing heavily on trying to interpret her internal state. This approach can create overthinking and anxiety because no one can fully know another person’s thoughts. A healthier approach is to focus on his own feelings, boundaries, and actions. By being consistent, present, and authentic, he establishes a clear sense of self while still allowing the relationship to develop naturally. Observing patterns is fine, but trying to control or predict her thoughts is unproductive and stressful.

Overall, the relationship is still very new, and small fluctuations in her behavior are normal at this stage. Signs of continued interest, such as hand-holding, making plans, and occasional expressions of affection, indicate that the connection is still there. Patience and self-awareness are key. By grounding himself in what he can control his behavior, communication, and emotional stability. he allows the relationship to evolve naturally without forcing clarity or creating unnecessary tension. The focus should be on steady engagement, not decoding her mind.

[Member]

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