[alwayscloudy]

So nearly every time my wife and I have a argument she brings this up and I need to get some feedback. A little backstory: I have been living with PTSD for many years and have my share of episodes and bouts with depression as well as anxiety. She is for the most part understanding unless it involves me acting rudely toward her or treating her badly as a result. Her same point is that she hears my tones and demeanor with our grown kids and they differ from the depression sign that I show her and nobody else. I have always thought that it’s pretty basic that we put up a front so to speak around people we aren’t comfortable bearing those feelings in front of. She insists it’s proof I don’t love her. My question is this. Is she right to think that way, am I right to let my guard down to her? Any input will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There’s a saying, “You can be right, or you can be happy.” Whether or not you’re right is less important in a relationship than it is at work, in a courtroom, or in a medical scenario. When you’re trying to make a relationship work, it’s more important to find compatibility, and sometimes that means making deals or letting things go, even when you know you’re right, because you want the other person to be happy to be with you. 😉

You’re right — people show their truest, and most unpleasant sides, to those they feel they’re closest to, and to those they feel won’t leave them. That doesn’t mean you should do this because it takes a toll on your wife. And if you can’t help it, then find a way to show your appreciation for her enduring this side of you that isn’t your best side, but it is one of your genuine sides.

In addition, our spouses don’t have to be everything to us. In other words, you don’t have to share everything and every emotion with a spouse. Sometimes a best friend, a physician, a support group — or simply a sweaty racquetball game, are better ways to take out our frustration and anger at the world, or a particular unfair situation. It’s great to have a support system for whatever you need it for — whether it’s PTSD, or other less complicated problems that take a toll on your wife that is straining the marriage.

Hope that helps!

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