[Anonymous]

hi, so I have been with my boyfriend for two years now, we have a very strong relationship- no jealousy issues or anything dramatic really. He is in his mid thirties and I am in my mid twenties and we have never really had issues due to our age difference. Recently, we have been having arguments abut him saying that I am inconsiderate and that I do not seem as concerned about him as he is about me. He says I don’t ever offer him anything or asks if he needs anything and he does it for me all the time. I do not feel that it’s true because we don’t live together and a lot of the time we see each other based on his schedule – He owns a business and I am a store manager. I just feel like 90% of the time we see each other is at his convenience and he doesn’t realize how much consideration I do have for him and his time yet he doesn’t do the same for me I feel with my time. When we have a disagreement he never wants to address it until he wants to talk about it or he is over it and then it feels like he never takes accountability for being wrong. We recently decided that we wanted to move in together and get pregnant in the fall if things workout with the move however, I feel like I’m not meeting expectations when he says I am not considerate or I am not doing what he does for me. I questioned on why he is even with me since it seems to be a problem and he is now saying that maybe we need to think about what we want to do. I feel better making some changes even if I don’t feel he is completely right about it but I am not ok with feeling like I have to meet these new expectations and he doesn’t seem to give me any credit or appreciation for what I do. I love him and I don’t want to walk away, he is a good guy but I am not sure how to deal with this anymore- it just doesn’t seem to go away.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’re in competition with your boyfriend, and that means one of you will lose — and if one of you loses, the relationship loses. 🙁 The way to get out of this dynamic is so simple, you’re going to smack your head and say, “Why didn’t I think of that?” 😮 So here it comes: Just. Stop. Fighting.

It takes two people to engage and only one to disengage. If you feel like you always have to be right and he feels like he always has to be right, you’re going to forever be in fight mode. 🙁 So stop it.

Next, you have to change the way you look at the relationship. You’re trying to be equals and that doesn’t work. If you want him start putting you on a pedestal and propose marriage to you (rather than mutually suggesting you move in together and have a baby without any kind of real commitment 😕 ), then you have to change the way you think of yourself, the relationship and him.

Get my book, Think & Date Like A Man, and READ IT! It’s going to help you enormously with this problem. Here’s the link for the automatic download: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] and it’s also for sale on the websites for Barnes & Noble and Amazon.

In the meantime, DON’T move in and get pregnant. 😯 By all means, don’t. You have a bigger problem at hand first, and it’s going to require a simple, but thorough fix first.

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. 😀

[Member]

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