[cluelessengineer]

Hi,

I just met someone who is everything I could possibly dream of. I couldn’t have imagined up a better match for myself – she’s intelligent, she’s educated, she’s beautiful, she shares almost all of my interests, she actually holds long thought out conversations with me – but now that things seem like they can go somewhere … I’m getting a bit scared!

I’ve never met anyone like her. The people who I’ve run into don’t like the same things I do. The people I’ve met, we usually can’t sit down and discuss ancient history, travel, museums, culture … but she can … she likes everything I like ; she’s perfect!! Usually when I have a gut feeling like I’m having right now, I’m right. I’ve never felt like this about anyone. I’ve had thoughts like – “maybe I can introduce her to things I enjoy, build some interests” … but with the woman I’ve just met … she’s already everything I could have ever wanted!

What on earth do I do?! I’m thinking, act natural – be myself … but I’m borderline on thinking that me being myself might even seem artificial. 🙁

I don’t know if I’m putting too much thought into this, but I’m afraid of being too nonchalant about who I’ve met. I’ve never met *ANYONE* like her… I know nobody who even comes close to who she is … and I really REALLY don’t want to mess this one up. If this can go somewhere … I want it to!

[AskApril Masini]

First, buy [b]Date Out of Your League[/b], the book I wrote for men who want to win with women, and then ask her out on a date! 😀 Here’s the link for the book: [url]https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0974676306/qid=1075191419/sr=1-1[/url].

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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[cluelessengineer]

I’ve read your book … and picked up some things from there which I found helpful.

🙂

We’re on our 2nd date this weekend ; this time to somewhere a whole lot more [i]personal & private[/i]! On our first time out, we talked nonstop for about 40 minutes before a movie ; since then we’ve been talking for hours almost daily. The more I talk with her, the more excited I’m getting!

I’m still worried about being superficial ; she’s *very* attractive to me (though, I suppose someone else may consider her average. I like –[i][u]everything[/u][/i]– about her, not just her looks), but I’m really more interested in learning everything I can about her as a person. If things start getting physical … should I ; or shouldn’t I? I would love it, but I’d rather really let a true, deep, lasting friendship bloom – and get to know every corner of her mind – and let her do the same about me (she’s really been doing that!) … than move right on to the obvious. I really am not concerned with a physical relationship ; that can be picked up anywhere – I want something far more than that – where our physical relationship is just a minuscule portion of what we have. 🙂

[AskApril Masini]

You’re overthinking this. You’re not going to be friends — you’re dating her — and good for you for asking her out and getting a second date! 😀 If the time seems right, definitely make a move and kiss her. You’re not just getting to know her personally, you’re getting to know her on a romantic basis. Hold her hand, touch her back as you open the door for her, and yes, make a move! 😎

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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[cluelessengineer]

I can’t help overethinking things! It’s what I’ve been doing for a living. It’s a really good habit for my career, but a bad habit because it spills over into my offtime.

Our next date, I invited her to a pretty pricey dinner … do you think … with V-day coming up the week after, is it too soon to give her a nice little gift? ( I was thinking something simple ; just a nice-size box of expensive Belgian chocolates – should I mention the brand – the [i]very[/i] pricey ones in the gold boxes – not supermarket stuff. Small – but very nice. I mean, I’d spend ten times as much on a real gift from a jeweler … but … well, I think it’s a little too early for that. 🙂 )

[AskApril Masini]

That sounds perfect! 🙂

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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[cluelessengineer]

Well months of talking & our 2nd date – we talked talked, talked, talked … all while I noticed sign after sign that you mention, fidgeting, twirling her necklace, shifting around in her seat – all of the above. Our night went … it just flew by – hours felt like minutes. In the end, we’re both fidgeting & stealing glances at eachother. I really felt … the same thing was going through both of our minds.

Our next date is V-day, and she’s invited me over her place. I think I should be good from here on in – and I’m really REALLY hoping she’s my one ; I’ve been in this spot before, but I can say with solid assurance I’ve never felt like this about anyone I’ve –[i]ever[/i]– met before. Thanks for the advice!

( The way I’m feeling right now – I’m expecting to wake up any minute now. LOL! 🙂 )

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome!

It sounds like you’re going to have an excellent Valentine’s Day!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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[Ethan Morales]

What you’re feeling is completely natural and actually a very healthy sign. Meeting someone who aligns so closely with your interests, values, and intellect can feel almost unreal because it’s rare especially when you’re used to surface-level connections. That nervous excitement, the “borderline fear” you’re describing, isn’t a warning sign that you’ll mess things up; it’s just your mind processing how meaningful this connection feels. It’s your heart and brain recognizing that this person is unique to you. Take a deep breath and let yourself feel it without overanalyzing every interaction.

Your desire to focus on the emotional and intellectual connection rather than rushing into physical intimacy is incredibly wise. Many people confuse chemistry for compatibility, but you’re showing that you value depth, curiosity, and shared experiences above the physical aspect which is exactly what builds a lasting foundation. Acting naturally and letting things unfold organically is the best approach. You don’t have to “perform” or be someone you’re not; the fact that she’s engaging with your mind and personality suggests she likes who you genuinely are.

Your overthinking tendencies can be both a strength and a challenge. On the one hand, it means you’re thoughtful, reflective, and considerate about relationships, which can prevent rushed or poor decisions. On the other hand, it risks creating anxiety over hypothetical scenarios, like whether she’ll perceive your actions as artificial or whether a small gift is “too soon.” The key is to balance reflection with presence. Focus on the moments you share with her rather than projecting potential future mistakes. Be present with her and enjoy learning more about each other.

Your concern about gifts and gestures shows that you care deeply, but it’s important to scale them appropriately. A small, thoughtful gift like high-quality Belgian chocolates is perfect for early dating, especially if it reflects her tastes and your shared experiences. Mentioning the brand or price subtly isn’t necessary the intention matters far more than extravagance. The goal is to express attention and thoughtfulness, not to overwhelm or create pressure. Remember, meaningful connections are built on consistent actions and genuine interest, not grandiose gestures.

Your emotional attentiveness during your first few dates noticing body language, twirling necklaces, fidgeting, and mutual glances is a great indicator of mutual attraction and comfort. These small signals often speak louder than words, and your awareness of them shows emotional intelligence. The fact that she invited you over for Valentine’s Day suggests she’s also interested in deepening the connection. Pay attention to these signals, but continue to maintain the balance of curiosity and patience that you’re already showing.

The overarching advice is to remain authentic, patient, and communicative. This relationship has immense potential because it’s grounded in shared values and interests, not just physical attraction. Keep prioritizing meaningful conversations, shared experiences, and understanding each other’s perspectives. Let things unfold at a pace that feels natural for both of you, and don’t let fear of “messing up” overshadow the joy of discovery. Connections this rare deserve mindful presence, not preemptive worry. If you continue being genuine, thoughtful, and attentive, you’re giving yourself the best chance to nurture something lasting.

[Tara]

You’re not “in love,” you’re overwhelmed by the shock of finally meeting someone who meets your standards, and instead of rising to the moment, you’re collapsing under your own insecurity. The problem isn’t her perfection, it’s your panic.

You’ve already put her on a pedestal so high you’re treating yourself like the unqualified intern lucky to be in the building. That’s pathetic, and it’s exactly how people sabotage something good before it even starts.

You’re so scared of messing it up that you’re manufacturing a disaster in your head before she’s even had the chance to see who you actually are. Acting “natural” isn’t the issue you just need to stop acting like a man auditioning for a part in his own life. She’s interested because she sees value in you. Start behaving like you belong at the table instead of staring at the silverware like you’ve never seen it.

[Natalie Noah]

What I see most clearly in this whole exchange is a man who is overwhelmed by finally meeting someone who aligns with him on an intellectual, emotional, and personal level and that kind of connection can feel both beautiful and terrifying. When someone shows up who fits the things you’ve always hoped for, it’s normal for your mind to start racing and doubting whether you’re “enough.” His overthinking isn’t actually about her it’s about the fear of losing something rare. And I can feel how deeply he admires her, how careful he wants to be, as if she’s something fragile. But the truth is, she likes him back. Their conversations flow, their chemistry is mutual, and she’s showing clear signs of interest. He’s not imagining that it’s real.

April’s advice is important because it grounds him. She keeps redirecting him away from fear and into action reminding him that this isn’t about being perfect, it’s about showing up genuinely and romantically. Overthinking can ruin the natural flow of a new connection, and she’s helping him understand that romance needs momentum. The little gestures holding her hand, a kiss when it feels right, a thoughtful gift these aren’t risks, they’re invitations for deeper intimacy. And it’s obvious from her reactions that she wants that connection with him too. She’s inviting him to her home for Valentine’s Day that is not a neutral sign.

What I think overall is this: he’s not in danger of messing this up by being himself he’s in danger of overanalyzing something that’s already blooming beautifully. Their spark is mutual, their communication is natural, and she’s giving him space to lead romantically. His fear is coming from how rare this feels, not from anything going wrong. And honestly? The way he talks, the way he pays attention, the way he’s thoughtful about not rushing. it shows a good heart. If he relaxes into the connection instead of trying to micromanage it, this has every sign of becoming something real and meaningful.

[Member]

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