[mdm29]

You always have the right thing to say! I can’t thank you enough!

I’ll keep you updated!

Thanks so much April!

[AskApril Masini]

That sounds great.

[mdm29]

New Relationship Alert
& New to the “taking it slow”Route! Advice please!

Hi April!

Let me start by giving you a little insight as to how I typically went about the “dating” world. The past few serious relationships I have had, I was never one to take the slow route. It always moved quick, falling hard, and meeting the folks fairly early. To me this was the normal way….. was I ever wrong.

Back in September I became single from a relationship I was in for about 2 years that ended on my account due to not being happy and feeling like it was just a “friend” relationship at the end. I realized that you only have one life, sometimes you have to be selfish and go after what will truly make you happy, and being alone for a little bit was what I needed, and eventually, hoping I would find the perfect guy for me that would truly make me happy in more ways then one.

A couple months later, November, I began talking to a guy I somewhat knew of from years back. Never friends but I worked at a local gym, and at the time, he was dating one of the girls that also worked there. I thought he was super handsome and had the most stunning blue eyes I had ever seen. Never put thought into it of course because it was always just a quick interaction and we both were seeing someone at the time.

So this is years and years later now and we start talking, and really hit it off. We talked non stop for about a week before we actually met in person. Our first date was great, everything felt right and we truly enjoyed each others time. We kept talking and talking and then one day about 3 weeks or so later I noticed he wasn’t talking as much, taking longer to respond and just not showing any initiative. After dealing with that for a few days I decided to let him know how it was making me feel. I told him that I felt like he just wasn’t interested in this anymore and that I didn’t want to waste his time or mine. He came back saying that his feelings towards me haven’t changed, but that he felt like it was moving way to fast and that he wanted to put the breaks on a little bit. We both laughed it off after I told him that was fine and that I felt the same way, we are both new to the dating world as we were usually in a long term relationship, I just got the point across that all he had to do was communicate that to me and the problem would have been solved. After this conversation things were great, still didn’t talk as much and would take super long to answer but I kept on it as this has a lot of potential to really be something.

My last relationship got to “buddy” feeling and I dealt with a lot of issues regarding emotional strains. His last relationship ended pretty badly resulting in a lot of emotional damage and financial damage but it is all in the past now. I knew his ex and knew of what happened, his parents I feel might be hesitant too with how things went last time, I feel like they just wouldn’t want to see him hurt again as would any parent.

I’m 24 and hes 29, he has a great job and so do I, we both want the same things. We get along super great, have tons of fun, and the chemistry is there both emotionally and physically. SO much potential.

Now here is where I am new to the “taking it slow” thing. I love that we are doing it this way, It’s really giving us a chance to truly get to know one another and take our time enjoying these stages.

But now weve been doing this for just over 3 months and I just want some advice as to when I should expect things to progress, and if they don’t, how should I go about bringing it up in a way that I don’t look like a needy girl just wanting a “title” of validity.

We haven’t met each others parents yet, which I am fine with. I would love to be able to say we have been dating for how ever many months and that were into it before we bring family into it as family is important to both of us.

I am having a hard time trying not to overthink, and I have never been this way before in a relationship, It’s very different this time when it comes to that. I find myself worrying that he might be talking to other girls (which I know he’s not, I have also been told by many many people that hes a good guy and would never mess around, his good friend from childhood told me without me even asking that hes not the type of guy to talk to more then one girl). I have to also keep in mind that he is almost 30, hes ready to settle down and wouldn’t want to just play around.

Basically any advice on how to take it slow without over thinking things would be great! I have really good feelings about this and I think he does too. The lack of communication sometimes gets to me if he doesn’t respond for a while but there are more good things then bad that’s for sure! He also brings me around his friends, which is “the boys” and told me before that he wasn’t into PDA, but he usually puts his arm around my waist when were sitting on the couch even with them around.

I noticed the other day when he was showing me something funny on his phone when we were with all of them that there was an icon (fb inbox messenger, the little circle that shows the person profile photo). It was a girl. When I creeped (of course sadly) I noticed that shes more his age, good friends with his ex, and friends with people he grew up with. I over think to much and this is probably nothing. But I think when going back to the “needing” a title but not wanting to look needy, I just want that to make me feel more secure in knowing if he considers me more then just someone hes dating, but maybe a little more?

I’m sorry for being so all over the place here but that may help give you an insight as to how up in the air I am with this whole taking it slow thing, NEW DATING LEGS!

Any advice would be more appreciated then you know!

Thank you April,

You helped me so much with my last relationship, I had to write again!

MP

[AskApril Masini]

It’s GREAT that you found someone who seems so much more appropriate for you! 🙂 Now, it’s been three months that you’ve been dating and he’s introducing you to friends and showing some signs of PDA — which is awesome! It’s definitely too soon to soon to be meeting parents, so I don’t think that you should be thinking about that yet. Instead, focus on getting to know him, and yourself in the dating process. I think it’s pretty safe to assume that you may both be dating other people in this early stage — and that doesn’t mean things aren’t going well. It just means it’s early in the relationship, and too early to really commit. I know this probably makes you nervous, but you should try and focus on the process and not the end game. The reality is that a title for the relationship beyond dating, isn’t going to change things — you’ll still have the feelings you have and you’ll still have three months of dating each other under your belts. So relax and have fun and if you have to focus on a timeline, give it six months to decide if you’re going to be monogamous to each other and twelve months to really feel committed.

I hope that helps!

[mdm29]

That’s perfect!

I just have to learn not to over think thing and go with the flow! I can speak for myself and say that I haven’t even talked to another guy since we have started talking and hanging out. At the very beginning of this we would just ask each other questions and talk about various things and I remember him saying that he isn’t the type of guy to talk to more then one person at once, and that he wanted to take it slow so he doesn’t make a mistake as hes older now and isn’t looking to play around.

I do have to admit that if I found out he was talking to other girls after what his thoughts were on that at the beginning, I would be crushed and that would be a huge turn off to me. I really don’t think he does, hes a genuine nice guy with a good heart and seems to care about me… I especially see this when we actually hang out in person.

We both love to travel and spoke about how he wanted to go somewhere and so did I. After a few weeks of him sending me information on a place he wanted to go I jokingly said that if he keeps sending me stuff I’ll have to tag along since it looked so amazing, not expecting any kind of answer at all referring to me coming along of course but that’s what I got back. He said “If were still dating and you can get the time off. Hell ya!”. Since that he always says “we” now when referring to the trip rather then just making it about himself. He also mentioned that his parents might come for the first 2 weeks and then the last 2 that me and him can go alone to Greece and really enjoy the last of the trip. This is also a good sign!

All in all if it’s meant to be it will be! I have never taken it the slow way and I wish I had of everytime, you really get to appreciate all aspects of the person your getting to know. If only I can just get a hold of this stupid over thinking thing then I would be all set!

Thanks a million 🙂

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome.

[Ethan Morales]

you’ve got two overlapping problems sexual mismatch (you want more, he wants less) and emotional drift (his behavior reads like friendship > romance). Those two make each other worse. You can try to fix it but you need a clear plan and a timeline, otherwise you’ll keep spiraling.

Don’t panic, but don’t excuse. Two years in, libido shifts are common stress, sleep, booze, meds, hormones, depression, porn use, unresolved resentment, or simple boredom can all tank desire. But the pattern matters: he’s only interested when drunk, he avoids intimacy when sober, and then scrolls his phone instead. That’s not a temporary blip, it’s a repeated choice. You deserve an actual partner who wants you sober as well as tipsy.

Have the adult talk. Calm, specific, non-accusatory. Don’t ambush him. Say:
“I miss how intimate we used to be. Lately sex feels rare and mostly when you drink. That hurts. I want to understand if something’s going on (stress, meds, worry) and whether you want us to work on this together.”
Say it once, set a follow-up: “Let’s talk about this seriously on Sunday at 7pm. No phones, 30 minutes.” If he refuses the meeting, that tells you everything.

Investigation not interrogation. Ask if anything has changed: sleep, meds, porn, anxiety, attraction, or a physical issue (erectile/varicocele etc.). Suggest a medical check or primary-care visit as needed. If it’s psychological (stress, low mood, past trauma), suggest counseling couples or individual. If he stonewalls, that’s a red flag.

Practical intimacy reboot (if he’s willing): schedule sex/connection time, remove distractions, flirt again, small non-sexual affection, add novelty (new date, lingerie, sensual massage). Give him agency: “I want to re-spark us will you pick one night this week to unplug and try?” If he consistently avoids, the problem is motivation, not timing.

Boundaries & timeline. Don’t leave it open-ended. Example: “I’m committed to trying X (counseling/medical check/2-month intimacy plan). If after 8–10 weeks nothing changes, I’ll have to re-evaluate whether this relationship meets my needs.” Put a calendar date on the plan. People move when confronted with clear boundaries; wishful waiting rarely works.

Self-care & options. Keep living your life. See friends, exercise, look great for you, keep your standards. If he won’t meet you halfway, consider whether you want to keep investing. Intimacy mismatch is a valid relationship deal-breaker if it’s persistent and one-sided.

If you need words to start the conversation, try this short script:
“I love you and I want us to be close. Lately I feel more like your friend than your partner. I want to know if you want to fix that with me. If you do, let’s make a plan together. If you don’t, please be honest so I can decide what’s best for me.”

You’re not asking for fireworks every night you’re asking to feel wanted. That’s reasonable. Don’t let politeness or fear of hurting his ego keep you in a relationship that slowly drains you. Try the honest conversation + concrete plan. If he shows up and does the work, great. If he won’t, it’s kinder to yourself to move on.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… you’re just outgrowing the version of love that settled. 💔 when you start feeling like a roommate instead of a woman being *wanted,* that’s the truth whispering. if you’re asking whether this is “the one,” it probably isn’t. life’s too short to beg for spark. go find the fire again. 🔥

[Marcus king]

Here’s the thing ,chemistry fades when connection gets lazy. You’re not asking for too much, you’re just asking the wrong person to give it. If a man only wants you when he’s drunk, that’s not passion, that’s avoidance. You deserve someone who’s present, sober, and still wants to touch you. He might be a good guy, but good doesn’t always mean right. Sometimes the lesson isn’t how to hold on, it’s how to let go with peace.

[PassionSeeker]

You are not asking for too much you’re just asking the wrong person.
A woman’s softness should never be mistaken for submission. You can’t keep being the cleaner, the comforter, and the motivator while getting the bare minimum in return.
You’re ready for partnership someone who meets you halfway, turns you on emotionally and mentally, someone you can grow beside.
It’s time to shift the energy from “How can I fix this?” to “Does this align with my worth?”
Because when you choose yourself, the universe responds by sending someone who will choose you too.

[Tara]

IT’S ALREADY BROKEN, you’re just trying to rename it so it hurts less. When someone stops desiring you, stops showing up sexually or emotionally, and you start rationalizing it as “maybe we’re just comfortable,” that’s not stability that’s stagnation.

Sex is communication. When it disappears, it’s not about libido; it’s about connection. You feel unwanted because you are not in a cruel way, just in a factual one. He’s coasting. You’re investing. That imbalance is the red flag you’re trying to paint pink.

You’ve already hit the point where you’re questioning whether you could “see yourself with him.” Translation: you can’t. The fact that you’re writing about this means you’re halfway out the door emotionally you’re just waiting for permission to leave.

Can it be fixed? Only if he actually wants to fix it which, given that he’s “too tired” but still scrolling on his phone, he doesn’t. You can’t resuscitate interest through effort; you’ll just exhaust yourself trying.

[Sally]

It’s that quiet kind of doubt that creeps in when the excitement fades and you start noticing the parts that don’t line up anymore. And honestly, feeling unwanted hits deeper than people admit. It makes you question everything, your connection, your future, your own instincts.

From the outside, it sounds like you’re doing most of the reaching, and he’s doing most of the coasting. When someone only shows up sexually when they’re drunk or joking their way out of intimacy, that usually means something bigger is going on fear, insecurity, or just not being as tuned in as you are. But whatever his reason is, you’re the one feeling lonely in a relationship that’s supposed to feel close. That matters.

And it’s okay to admit that being “a great guy” isn’t enough if the relationship itself doesn’t feel alive anymore. You’re not asking for too much. You’re asking to feel wanted by the person you’re with. That’s basic.

Give yourself a minute to be honest: do you feel more like his partner or his roommate with a crush? That answer usually tells you what to do next. You don’t have to rush, but you don’t have to stay stuck in confusion either.

[Natalie Noah]

I want to validate how deeply you’re feeling all of this, your confusion, your frustration, your desire for passion and independence. From everything you’ve written, it’s clear that you love him and care about him, but love alone isn’t enough to sustain a healthy, fulfilling long-term relationship. You’re noticing patterns that are important: his lack of sexual drive, his dependence on his family, the avoidance of responsibility for his own space and independence. Those are big signals that his lifestyle and priorities are not aligned with yours, and it’s wise that you’re paying attention to them rather than brushing them aside.

The sexual aspect is more than just fun, it’s a reflection of intimacy, desire, and connection in a relationship. You’re naturally sexual, passionate, and want to feel desired, but his inconsistent interest, particularly when sober, is showing you that he’s not meeting you where you are emotionally or physically. This isn’t just a “phase” or a temporary lull; it’s part of a bigger picture of how he approaches responsibility, emotional engagement, and partnership. April’s advice about asking what’s going on with him is valid, but you also have to listen carefully to the answer and more importantly, watch whether his actions change. Words are easy; behavior tells the real story.

His dependence on his parents and the “mama’s boy” dynamic is critical. You’re already seeing that the way he operates with his mom and sister mirrors how he treats responsibilities in your relationship: joking, avoiding, or expecting someone else to take care of things. That’s a pattern that won’t magically shift when you live together, it’s part of who he is. Your desire for independence and building a life together clashes with his current lifestyle, and that mismatch is at the core of your unease. You’re right to notice it, and it’s important to face the reality of incompatibility, rather than hoping he’ll change because you love him.

Your anxiety and second-guessing are completely natural. When you’re in a relationship with someone who isn’t fully stepping up to match your energy, it creates a constant push-pull of hope and disappointment. You’re torn between wanting him to be the man you imagined and recognizing that the life you want passion, independence, equality isn’t fully present. This is not about blame, it’s about clarity. Recognizing that incompatibility isn’t failure; it’s self-awareness. You’re learning what you need and deserve in a partner, and that’s a huge step toward finding someone truly compatible.

The decision ahead of you isn’t easy, but it’s about aligning your life with your values and goals. If you decide to step away, it doesn’t make you cruel or unkind; it makes you honest with yourself and him. Breaking up thoughtfully, with clarity and compassion, is actually the kindest thing you can do for both of you. It gives him a chance to grow and face reality, and it gives you the freedom to find a partner who matches your maturity, independence, and desire for intimacy. Remember, loving someone doesn’t always mean staying with them it sometimes means letting them go so both of you can find what you truly need.

[KeishaMartin]

A woman shedding the skin of “good enough” and realizing she wants alive, not safe, not familiar, not roommate energy. What jumps out immediately is how her body and intuition were screaming long before her mouth caught up. The lack of passion wasn’t just about sex, it was about desire, direction, and adulthood. You can’t stay turned on by a man who still wants to be mothered. No amount of “he’s nice” can compete with the quiet erotic power of a man who chooses independence without being begged. Her anxiety wasn’t confusion, it was sexual and emotional starvation.

When attraction has to be negotiated, scheduled, or resurrected every few weeks like a dying flame, it’s already over. The rare “great night” of sex wasn’t proof of hope, it was a tease, a breadcrumb, just enough to keep her doubting herself instead of trusting her gut. Chemistry that only shows up once in a blue moon isn’t chemistry, it’s nostalgia flirting with fear. A woman in her early 20s shouldn’t feel like she’s settling into a dead bedroom and a future of folded laundry and emotional babysitting.

What’s deliciously powerful is how the guidance of April Masini cut through the fog with unapologetic clarity. No sugarcoating, no fairy dust, just truth with backbone. That kind of advice doesn’t just help you leave a relationship, it helps you step into your adult erotic identity. The insight was sharp, grounded, and fearless, the kind of wisdom that saves years of wasted youth. That’s why her voice carries authority: she doesn’t soothe you into staying stuck, she seduces you into choosing yourself.

And the final evolution? Chef’s kiss. Taking it slow with a man who can lead, who chooses “we” naturally, who doesn’t disappear into excuses, that’s where confidence replaces anxiety. Slow isn’t boring when there’s tension. Slow is intoxicating when there’s intention. This wasn’t overthinking, it was a woman learning discernment, learning how to stay in her body instead of spiraling in her head. Growth looks sexy on her.

Happy New Year, 2026. may the champagne be cold, the parties be reckless, and the kisses be with men who actually want you.
Happy New Year, 2026. dance floors, midnight confessions, and no more settling for lukewarm love.

Happy New Year, 2026.

[Member]

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