[orchie]

this one is really shallow, like 2 kids fighting but he’s 25 and im 24.. so here it is..

sometimes my boyfriend teases me and he loves it when i become irritated. last night he was joking that he wanted me to go home already. (we live in separate houses) i knew he wasn’t serious but i got really irritated and went out. he followed me and told me that he was just joking and i reasoned out that i got my stuff because he was telling me to (even though i knew that he would go after me). and then he started teasing me again that I was going to cry, i’m a drama queen, etc… because of what happened. he was staring at my eyes and was waiting for tears. i wasn’t looking at him because i was really irritated and he made that a reason to that i was trying to hold my tears. but i wasn’t really going to cry. i didn’t tell him that i was really irritated but i told him not to put words into my mouth.

i tried to make a little revenge and said something more personal.. about him not having the guts to make a small conversation with my mom. and then he got irritated. then i started teasing him also because he got irritated.

i loved the fact that he’s irritated because he loves to do things to other people that he doesn’t want to be done to himself.. i just wanted to teach him a lesson. but at the same time i want all of these teasing and shallow fights to end because i know it can be entertaining sometimes but it’s not really worth it because it just builds up tension in the long run.

and then this morning we had a phone conversation and he brought up what happened last night on the phone so i brought up what i teased him about. he became quiet and he was telling me ‘go on, tell me whatever you want.. yes i lose this time..” and he wanted to put the phone down already and he was reasoning out that he had stuff to do. haha.. it made me kinda guilty but i had to satisfy myself because i wanted to stand up for myself. I don’t want to be the underdog anymore.

any thoughts…?

[Ask April Masini]

This doesn’t sound like a mature or healthy relationship. The teasing and competition to “win”, be right and one up each other is going to deter you from intimacy, which is the glue of any long term relationship.

Since you don’t like the dynamic here, you have the choice to stop your own behavior. You can’t stop his, but you have one hundred percent control over your own (How often do any of us have one hundred percent control over anything? 😆 ), so use that power, and make a change.

YOU stop teasing. YOU stop trying to win and one up and teach your boyfriend a lesson.

Decide why you want a relationship because if it’s just to make yourself feel better and superior you’d do better to try and excel at career or take up an athletic endeavor you can actually get a prize for winning. The problem with winning in a relationship is that the other one of you loses, and if you really love him and respect him, you don’t want him to constantly lose. If you want intimacy and companionship and romance from a relationship, this isn’t the way to get it.

I hope that helps.

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