[Anonymous]

I am stuck in a relationship I am not happy in and can not see a way out. I got together with my partner about 4 years ago and because of his jealousy and possessiveness I have lost contact with all my friends (who I hadnt had for long as I had only just moved to the town following a long bout of depression and anxiety). He convinced me to give up my flat in town and move into his bedroom at his mums (he is 30 I am 31). The house is in the middle of nowhere the nearest shop is an hours walk away and i do not have a driving licence so spend most of my time trapped in the house unless he wants to go somewhere which is rare as he spend most of his time playing video games, internet poker or watching T.V. whereas I like to be out and about doing things I hate feeling so trapped and bored all the time. A friend of his now lives in my old flat. I have an 11 yrs old son who lives with my ex husband -my current partner pays no interest in him at all not even when he used to to come and stay when I still had my flat (my partners friend has promised I can borrow the flat back when I want my son to come and stay but last half term my partner point blank refused to have hs friend stay with him so I had to tell my son he couln’t come stay and now the summer hols are approaching and my partner is making noises like he is going to refuse again 🙁 I love and miss my son very much and hate that my partner even after 4 years will not make even the slightest effort to get to know him or spend time with us when my son is visiting. My partner has even recently swapped his car and bought a 2 seater which really does show how little interest and consideration he has for my son and me.

He is jealous and possesive to the point that i no longer talk to anyone except his friends and only then when he is there, when my son is down I get a constant stream of texts wanting to know what I am doing etc and getting more and more whiny if I don’t reply immeadiatly eventually getting abusive e.g. well F u then etc. He will not understand that my son comes first while he is down and I do not want my son feeling that he is being ignored in favour of my partner who I see all the time its not fair on him.
my partner also dictates what I wear by being really unpleasant and critical if he doesn’t ike anything comments like you look like an f-ing sl#g in those pants, or even once refusing to hug me whislt wearing a much loved old jumper which then got thrown away. My partner also refuses to take no for an answer if I don’t want to have sex often putting me in a posistion where I would have to be violent or give in so I always give in as i am rarely violent allthough I have hit him a few times but i think comments like your sons going to grow up to be a smack head like you (when i have never taken smack in my life) would make even a saint lose their temper.

anyway The reasons I can;t leave are I would need his permission and help to find somewhere to go as he has managed somehow to make me utterly relient on him and his whims to be able to see my son I have no money and nowhere to go as my family live miles away and no one drives also I did not have a happy upringing and don’t think I could face living with my violent brother again. I have no friends of my own they are all his friends so if I left I wouldhave no support and no friends left.
My general plan at the moment is I am having driving lessons ( I told him they were to make it easier to get a job as much as he hates me having freedom he does like money so has agreed to them) then when I have my licence and a car I will save up for somewhere to live that my son can visit and just move out one day when nohim and his arents are out I know it sounds cruel and calculated and I should tell him bit I have tried and he he just patronised me by literally patting me on the head and saying knarr you a poor little thing aren’t you. I don;t know how I managed to get myself in this situation I no longer have any love at all for him just some fear and mainly frustration and resentment and this is causing me to be an unplesent moody person which I hate he blames me for our problems saying he has to make me have sex because I won;t but he won;t understand the the reason I never want sex is because f how trapped bullied and powerless I feel as well as the fact that I know i don’t have a choice. My plan is kinda long term but i can’t see any easy fixes that won;t leave me vulnerable to getting back with him I have left before but the fact that I had no where to go and that he is the only persn who can pick my son up for me to see him meant that I ended up back with pretty quickly. I guess I know what i am doing but just needto think it through and get it off my chest as I have no one to talk to at all as its not the sort of things you can discuss with people who have been his friend for over 15 yrs, allthough it would be nice to have an opinion on whether I am doing the right thing as sometimes I feel like it is a cowardly cold way to leave someone plotting and planning behind their back and then just disappearing one day while they are out.

[Ask April Masini]

You gave up your son to move into this guy’s bedroom in his MOTHER’S house?? And you’re 31 years old?! 😯

Stop being a victim and start taking care of your child — and yourself. Your boyfriend thinks your son doesn’t come first because he’s seen you treat the boy that way. You need to change your behavior NOW. ❗

Stop making excuses for not moving out. Go to a battered woman’s shelter and stay there for free and ask for help. There are places for women who have nowhere to go, and if you start with a shelter, you can work your way up to getting a job, an apartment with a female roommate, and custody of your child back. You should go to court and collect child support so that your son has the same standard of living with you that he does with his father, and so that he has the benefit of two parents and doesn’t feel abandoned.

It’s time for you to wake up and smell the coffee and begin to take charge of your life today.

I hope that helps, and that you’ll let me know how things go. You deserve a better life, and your son deserves his mother — but unless YOU give yourself that life, nobody wins.

Please join me on Facebook, too. I can talk to you there, as can others at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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