[kjfri189]

Currently I’m going through a pretty rough break up. My ex and I were going out for about a year and we talked about marriage and having a family buying a house within the next few years.

The last month of our relationship we found ourselves doing allot of activities separately her with her friends me with my friends. I started to realize things were going bad and tried to fix things but I was too late. She believes I’m too into my friends and now that I look back I realize she is right and the group I have found myself hanging with is not something that I am proud of allot of bad influences.

So I’ve decided to make some life changes like distancing myself from some people and environments that caused problems with my relationships. I’m 30 years old so I think it is a good move to make myself a better person. The problem is it will take some time to do these things and it will probably upset some people but I realize I need to put me first above all. She as well has gone the same route cutting off ties with allot of people who were not the most desirable company.

It’s been about a month since our break up and we still keep some contact even though it still hurts me so much. we talk about our relationship allot and how good it was and also had bad it got with so many other people getting involved in our break up and making it really messy.

I’ve tried the no contact thing and it worked for about two weeks till she got so upset and just wouldn’t stop calling. So eventually I broke down and started talking again, we talk about changing things to make it work out but things don’t change. I tell her I will change and I think she’s too afraid to go come back to me in fear of the same things happening again.

I ended up seeing her this weekend and we talked about changing things the conversation progressed to meeting one day this week to talk the problem is she seems really hesitant to meet me.

I broke down for the first time while talking to her and hit her pretty hard she called me back crying asking if I was okay.

I need know if it’s too late to save my relationship with her or should I just move on and focus on myself for awhile. Dating isn’t really in the cards right now because I don’t have the desire to date other women right now and plus I don’t think it will be far to them as well.

And also how to handle things with my ex if the best move is to move on

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It doesn’t sound like it’s necessarily too late, since you both agree on what needs to be changed and you’re both making changes. Usually when a break up like this happens, there is not agreement on what needs to happen, and/or there isn’t any movement or actual change. But since the two of you are doing the work, you may be able to make this relationship work in the long run. But the short run is going to be difficult.

If you do decide to break up, it’s best to do so completely. While it’s painful, feeling single is really the only way to become single.

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[kjfri189]

The break up has happened already about a month and a half ago we don’t see each other except for when i just saw her out and a few times in passing every time i see her she texts me saying that she still gets butterflies like we use to get.We talk but she seems really hesitant to meet me or talk about getting back together. She talks about everything in the past tense example (we did have a good relationship,it was nice while we were together). She says i didn’t give her enough attention and that i was out to much with friends and she’s right i realize my mistake and want to change them but how do i convince her that I’m willing to change.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If the reason for the break up is what she said, that you didn’t give her enough attention, you can convince her that you want to change your behavior by actually doing it. Send her flowers, gifts, love letters, and invite out on dates. There’s a saying that you can’t just talk the talk — you have to walk the walk, and it means that saying you want to make changes is one thing, but actually making them so there’s no disputing the fact that things are different, is what will win her back if it’s not too late. 😉

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[kjfri189]

It seems like we talk everyday almost more than when we were together some days. If i don’t contact her in the earlier morning she will text me and ask what’s wrong. She knows how i feel but it seems like every time i bring up things that involve our relationship she either completely ignores it or just says something negative.

I came out and just asked her today if she’s over me and has moved on and she responded with i don’t know and i don’t want to hurt you. So i told her that pretty much means yes your over me and she told me that’s not what it means and that she knows i need answers but she doesn’t have them yet.

It’s driving me crazy I’m still making positive changes to my life either way with her or without. Just not sure if it’s time to just move on yet though. It’s easier said than done to because every time i talk to a single women now all i think about is my ex and how much i would rather have her. 😥

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Why don’t you try what I suggested? 😉

[kjfri189]

Thanks for the advice April i have an update for you and could use a little more advice.

I’ve been doing the actions you’ve recommended and we’ve been talking regularly,even speaking about our relationship pretty regularly. The problem is anytime she makes a date to meet she reschedules and says i;’m not ready to see you yet. She leaving for the weekend to go to Florida and says when she gets back she says we’ll meet and talk about if we want to give it another shot.

I’ve been sending her flowers every week and other assorted gifts and she loves it and always tells me to text her in the morning and night,but the last two days have been like pulling teeth talking to her i call get voice mail i text she takes hour to respond and her responses are very short.

I’m starting to think maybe i should stop contacting her for a couple of days and see if she really wants to talk to me or if I’m just her entertainment till she finds someone else.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think that you should continue doing what you’re doing, but also start looking around to see if there’s anyone else you’re interested in. It’s the healthiest thing for you to do to hedge your bets, and you won’t appear as desperate or needy. In addition to which, if she gets wind of your interest in other women, she may see you as more valuable to her than if you’re just available at her whim.

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[kjfri189]

Just an update my ex came back from her trip and still continues to blow me off and it’s drives me crazy that she does that.

Now were suppose to meet the day after Christmas this will be the 6th time we are suppose to see each other. I’ve gotten a little more bold as of late telling how i feel.Letting her know i don’t appreciate getting blown off constantly and that it seems like she doesn’t care about me anymore.

She says it’s not that at all,it’s just that she is nervous when she see’s me she will want to be with me instantly and she’s scared of getting back into the bad habits that broke us up in the first place.

At what point do i give the ultimately either see me or don’t contact me again ?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Nice guys finish last. So if she keeps rescheduling dates or blowing you off, don’t be so available. 😉 My advice was to make the changes that you think will help get the two of you back together, but at the same time, play the field and date other women, too. It sounds like you’re doing the first part, but not the second part.

In addition to which, if you are making the changes that you feel were the cause of the break up, and it’s not helping, you have to accept that she may have told you reasons she broke up with you, but they may not be the real reasons. Sometimes people say what they have to say to get the result they want, even if it’s not true. She may not even have been intentionally lying to you — she just may not have realized, herself, what the reason for the break up was. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work out. Not everybody is going to be everybody else’s cup of tea, and if you can figure out that you’re not the guy for her, the best thing you can do is to stop investing energy in that dead end relationship and move on.

Start focusing less on her, and more on dating others. If you have a date with her, and she blows you off, don’t reschedule. Be busy. Try again in a couple weeks. And if this keeps happening, take the hint and move on altogether. 😉

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[kjfri189]

Okay thanks for advice

I did do part two just forgot to mention went out a couple dates this weekend nothing really sparked with either girl but had a good time either way.

I have stopped contacting her the last couple of weeks but it doesn’t matter she contacts me everyday,should just ignore her for a bit maybe she’ll take the hint.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good idea. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Merci! 😀

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