[thebiglimp]

this is the first dating attempt for me in a long time and i blew it.

I’m quite new at this so i don’t know how to dissect it and gain from it.

the whole event takes about a month which i will divide into approx. dates.

day 1-10: girl who works at the bar i deal business with shows interest. i mean staring, body language, fidgeting when we are alone.. it was actually rather aggressive.

day 11- i talk to her for maybe 3 minutes before being interrupted.

day 12-19: more body language/eye contact from the girl and also now i return the exchange.

day 20: ask her phone number, saying i want to take her to the dinner. get a ‘yes’, then phone number… and here’s where the idiocy begins. i ask for her name afterwards. her smart phone is gone, btw. she shows me a cheap phone saying that her phone is in repair atm. and can only kakaotalk [IM service] (this is a legit excuse afaik.)

day 23, sunday: try calling but no answer. text her hi. get a hi back.
me: what are you doing?
her: busy with work i couldn’t get done during the week
let’s have dinner tonight
sorry, busy tonight but i’ll be free at afternoon sometime next week

now, i take this as a strike one and a downgrade- it’s suppose to be a dinner, not an afternoon meet. next couple of texts are idiot blubber on my part.
since getting her number i’ve been too excited that by now i have lost control of my cool.

day 24-25: more idiot texting on my part. no wit, just awkward impersonal questions that she doesn’t seem too interested to answer.
last text i send her is ‘oh god i think i’m failing at this text thing’ her: no it’s just me i still haven’t fixed my phone so i can only do this on a computer.

day 26: i go to the bar on a business. by now i am completely frozen up. naturally, she’s overly friendly to me now but i am unable to make conversation. i seriously only said hi and bye to her the whole 4 hours i was there.

day 27: call again, phone still doesn’t work.
i know she is off today because i know the employee schedule of the bar.

text- me:hey let me know if you want to meet up today. and yes, i am pressuring you.
her 6 hours later: sorry i was out all day. i will be like this from now on.
i chat some more unproductive blabber, realizing it’s already strike 2.

day 29: business at the bar again (i have dealings with the owner) she seem very uncomfortable around me now, avoiding me altogether. naturally, i act the same. then i stop her on my way out, say ‘i don’t wanna bother you about this anymore but i still wanna go on a date with you.’. her: ‘i don’t want…’ me: ‘so no date?’ ‘no?’ her: ‘no’

the end. lolol.

yeah, i’m pretty bummed out by the loss but even as i type it out now, it’s pretty funny how bad i was at this.

what i’d like to know is, how was the dinner downgraded to an afternoon meet at my first text, and if i came on too strong both instances of text

and how interested was she of me to begin with? if very interested wouldn’t she have taken the next step to setting up the date after the first text?

. it really is a deal breaker that i couldn’t talk to her on the phone since that could’ve felt much more natural to me….

[AskApril Masini]

Hmmmm….. You’re asking me why this date didn’t happen — but as you explain it to me, you do a very good job of spelling out exactly why. In other words…. you’ve already got the answers. 😉 You know every detail of what happened, and what went wrong. But I’ll confirm it for you, anyway. 😉 You describe your banter as idiotic blabbering…. 🙄 and you say that you’ve asked her “awkward, impersonal questions”, 😮 and you forgot to get her name 😳 which isn’t going to make her feel you’re really interested in her…. Those three things alone are reasons for a woman to not be interested. 😕 It sounds like after that, you got a little too desperate and pursued her systematically, instead of flirting with her, letting her know she’s special, and trying to win her over. I think you kind of lost sight of the bigger picture which is that you have to chase her and win her over. 😎

Here’s the book you need to buy today — because it’s going to be an ENORMOUS help to you. It’s called[b] Date Out of Your League[/b], [url]https://askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url], and I wrote it exactly for guys like you. 🙂 It’s going to walk you through all the details of how to get the girl and what to do once you’ve got her. You should really get it right away.

In the meantime, practice flirting with women, and complimenting them as well as getting to know them. If you do this well, by the time you ask them out, they’ll really want to go. If a woman downgrades the date, then you should take it as a sign that she’s skeptical about it working out…. and if she cancels more than once or twice, move on. There are lots of other women out there, and you just need to find one who wants to date you. 😉

Hope that helps.

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[thebiglimp]

thanks, april.

lastly could i ask you why she’s so avoiding of me now?

on day 29 and 3 days later when i had to visit the bar again, she was just trying to stay away from me as best as she can.
i still can’t understand this turn of attitude since on day 27, after the second reject on the date, we ended the texting on a positive note, as it was actually the first time i got to say some funny stuff, and we exchanged the longest texts yet.
then come 29th, she acts as if i am some creep, even though as i review my actions so far, i haven’t really been that offensive. desperate, yes, but never offending, i hope.

thanks again for your input.

[AskApril Masini]

She’s avoiding you because she thinks you’re going to ask her out a third time and she doesn’t want to have to say no again.

Get the book I suggested, [b]Date Out of Your League[/b]: [url]https://askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]Read it. It’s only $8.99 and it’s an automatic downloadable e-book, so you can start reading tonight, and if you follow this site regularly, you’ll know I don’t often recommend my own books unless I really think they’re going to help, and in this case, I think it will help you. 😀

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[thebiglimp]

thanks april. but 29th day was when i asked her out for the last time(3rd time), in person even though she already seemed visibly avert. i ended the tone so that she’d know i understood it was over. but come 3 days later her attitude is even worse. even more avert of me, just sitting on the counter with her eyes closed, armed folded and waiting for me to leave. lol. almost spiteful? please let me know what would cause these kind of behavior in women. thanks again 🙂

[AskApril Masini]

She’s giving you this reaction because she doesn’t want you to get the wrong idea. She really, really doesn’t want to go out with you. You can count days, analyze behavior and turn this into a science experiment, but my advice is that you simply accept the rejection and move on. Buy the book I suggested, and give yourself a new year full of opportunity. Don’t spend any more time on this situation that isn’t about your dream girl and isn’t about someone you’ve known and had your eye on for a while, and isn’t about someone you dated even one time. Next! 🙂

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[trainermc]

Your first big mistake is was when you texted her. A simple “hi” is a terrible way to start a text. Also, you tried to make a date on the same day you texted her? That spells desperation. You should have just asked her when she is free to get dinner in the next week or so. From that point on, you were cooked.

[AskApril Masini]

Great to get a man’s opinion, [b]trainermc[/b]. 🙂 I know that [b]Date Out or Your League[/b] will cover this arena, and more. Hopefully, you bought it, and are reading. 😉 [url]https://askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]

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[thebiglimp]

Hi April, got a new one for you 🙂
So i’m in the dating game now and this is what happened to me couple nights ago.

met this girl for a coffee, left after about 2 hours of chat that was a bit wooden.

she works late so i asked over the text for the second date and she says she doesn’t know. she felt like she was being judged, lessened.
i was as polite and nice as possible so i have no idea where she could’ve gotten that impression.

Do you think she is just rationalizing her disinterest?

she keeps saying ‘i don’t know’

[AskApril Masini]

She could be rationalizing her disinterest, or she could really feel that you left her feeling judged and lessened. 😕 Usually when people are simply disinterested, they tell you it’s just not a match. They’re not specific. That she went beyond that and was very clear about how she felt, makes me think she’s not rationalizing.

The good news is that you got a first date with this woman! 😉 That’s great. But it sounds like she didn’t feel valued or complimented during the date, and although you say you were polite and nice — and you liked her enough to ask for a second date — consider that it might be a good practice to be even more flirtatious, complimentary and generous, beyond what you’ve already been. 😉 Why not send her a big bouquet of flowers and an apology — and tell her she deserves to be complimented! In other words, try to win her over, since the first date left her feeling less than….

Did you buy the book I suggested, [b]Date Our of Your League[/b]? [url]https://askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. I think it’s really going to help you. It’s a small investment of only $8.99, but you actually have to read it! 😉 The book will help you understand what women want, and how to get them, and it will give a lot more advice than I can do here on the forum! It also helps support this free advice site, and I don’t recommend it lightly — just when I think it will really help a situation, like yours. 😀

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[thebiglimp]

x

[thebiglimp]

hi april, thanks for the help once more.

so is the book still open somewhat if her answers were ‘i don’t know’ ‘i don’t think it’s going to work’ ‘i don’t know what to say anymore’, instead of a firm rejection?

but then again, she seemed like a very complaisant girl who has hard time saying no.

and yeah, i think i treated the whole meet rather too lightly which probably made her feel unimportant… i’m learning still. 🙂

[AskApril Masini]

Sometimes people project their behavior onto me, when we’re going back and forth here on this forum…. and it’s the same behavior that they use with dates. This is always very helpful, because it’s insight into their dating behavior, and because you’ve written here about 7 times, I’ve had the opportunity to see this. 🙂 I’ve given you a lot of advice here — I’ve suggested several times that you buy and read [b]Date Out of Your League[/b], the book for men who want to win with women, and you seem to have ignored that suggestion. I’ve also suggested that if you want to try and sustain a relationship with her, you apologize and bring her flowers, and that seems to have gone ignored, as well. It seems like you tend to have a certain idea of how you want things to go, and when they don’t, you become very clear about your side of the story, but not so much with the other person. When these women (and me!) tell you what they think, you seem to discount it, rather than considering there might be merit in what they’re saying, and change your own behavior. Instead, you go inward, and spend a lot of time trying to figure out what went wrong in the relationship, on your own. Unless you’re willing to consider other people’s comments and advice, I’m not sure how I can help you here any more. 😕 Sometimes people who write in here just want to vent about their feelings of rejection or frustration or anger, and that’s fine. But this is really a free forum for people who want to make changes in their lives and that requires them to do a little work. 😉 You might want to re-read this chain of e-mails and see if you want to take any of this advice now — or at some time in the future.

Good luck! 😀

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[thebiglimp]

hi april, you are giving me the same impression. but nobody’s all knowing, even though i am the least knowledgeable in the subject of dating 😛

what i should’ve disclosed before the assumption took place is that i am an expat in korea with no means of transferring funds to my paypal account without asking my family for the ‘donation’, and i do not know where she works at because that’s not where i met her.

so i cannot buy your book, and i cannot apologize to her in person.

so before offending you any further, i’d like to know based on what i’ve told you now if there’ still redemption for me both from you and her.

thanks and regards,

eric

[AskApril Masini]

You don’t need redemption from me! 🙂

I’ve given you my best advice here.

Good luck! 😉

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