[thebiglimp]

Hi April, it’s been a while since i started this ‘game’, had ups and downs but the recent one once again confuses me to no end.

i met this girl on tinder for a one night stand, sex is incredible, turns into two, three night stands. i wanna make it more permanent, a relationship, so i ask her out, she refuses, we still meet for you-know-what, then on the fifth and the last time, i let it be known in so many words that i will not see her again unless we go on a date. once again she refuses, letting me know that this is pure tinder/sex thing and she has other guys lined up. but somehow we get emotional in the end of the night, and as i leave, she starts crying. sad, genuine tears. i comfort her, assuring her that she can trust me.

so we go on a date the next week, planning to spend the whole day together but she overreacts on little things i say, acting pissed off all day, and after dinner, tells me to go home. we barely had any communication that day, her just overreacting and ignoring me, while still spending time together for 6 hours… we now only text briefly, and she avoids the question of next date.

the girl definitely has an abandonment issues, and i’d like to know why she behaved that way during the date, and why she cried.

here are some factors that confuse me even more

-she had at least two guys i know of, lined up for short term dating thing. she’d tell me she had dinner with this guy, cuddled with that guy, ect. these i know for truth. yet she cries at little old me when i ask her for a date, the same kind of thing?

-she did text me after ditching me that night that she was afraid of love. but given the circumstances, and the fact it was but a text, i still find it hard to believe she was telling the truth. i mean she acts like i’m dirt then sends me that kind of dramatic comment?

i still would like to win her over if i can. she barely keeps contact with me now, often times replying with a picture instead of text. i know she sometimes takes them on the spot so i’d think it would be just as much work as typing…

[thebiglimp]

hi april. i had time to look back on my posts, and reminiscent. and just would like to thank you for your past insight. i’d like to think that i’ve improved since then, and my uhm, enrichment of social lifes seem to be the proof of that.

but this latest person truly confuses me.

she did not want an emotional relationship, and i forced it upon her. i see that now. but the way she cried on me that night made me completely fall for her, and it’s something i cannot ignore even now, after she has left.
i feel that she cried, and the way the emotions built up to that tear, was because she truly had feelings for me. but maybe i read it wrong, and if i did, i do not want to make the same painful mistake again. on that last meet, she acted it as if it was the most casual of the hookups, almost ignoring to talk to me, then after we had sex, making small talks, i could not hide my sadness and she also became sad in her voice. and as we parted, she said bye, and turned around and started crying. i took that as a sign that she was sad to say goodbye, because she loved me. so i assured her there was nothing to be afraid of, i would not let her down, and we decided to go on a date, like a real couple.

did i read her tears right? did she have that kind of feelings for me? if so, me chasing her to bitter end i do not regret.

thank you once again for your reply. it’s always most helpful.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome. It’s good to hear from you.

[thebiglimp]

thank you. so what do you think, april? 🙂

[AskApril Masini]

When a woman tells you she does not want an emotional relationship with you — it’s probably not a good idea to try and have one. Just because someone has feelings for you doesn’t mean that they want to have a relationship with you. I think you should look forward and find someone who is more compatible with your relationship goals from the get go.

[PassionSeeker]

First of all, don’t beat yourself up you didn’t “blow it.” You learned. That’s what dating really is: practice in understanding people and yourself. From what you’ve described, she was initially curious and open, but your excitement turned into pressure, and that shifted the dynamic. The “downgrade” from dinner to an afternoon meet was likely her way of testing the waters keeping things casual to see if she felt comfortable.

Your texts, though well-intentioned, came off a little anxious and heavy. That energy can make someone pull back fast, especially early on. When she began avoiding you, it wasn’t out of spite it was discomfort. She probably felt cornered by repeated invites and didn’t know how to decline gracefully.

Here’s the truth: she was interested at first, but attraction is fragile. When it feels forced or uncertain, people retreat. Take this as insight, not failure. Next time, keep your energy easy. Ask once, then step back. Let things breathe connection builds naturally when you stay relaxed and curious. You’ve got this

[Ethan Morales]

Breaking point: You lost momentum the minute you stopped being the confident, playful version of yourself and started over-texting anxious, interview-style messages. Getting the number should’ve been the start of a smooth, casual escalation; instead it became a panic sprint. That’s where the spark went not because she wasn’t into you, but because you signaled neediness and awkwardness right after she showed clear interest.

Why dinner got “downgraded”: When she suggested an afternoon instead of dinner, she was testing the water a lower-commitment, lower-pressure option. That’s not an insult; it’s a cautious signal. You treated it like a demotion instead of leaning into it and making the afternoon meet feel easy and fun. Her “afternoon” was a chance to prove you could be relaxed and interesting; you missed it.

Texting mistakes that killed it: You apologized for texting, you boxed the conversation into impersonal questions, and you broadcasted insecurity. Text should build chemistry, not fill silence with self-criticism. Also asking for her name after getting the number looks distracted. Small details matter; they tell someone whether you were paying attention or just excited in the moment.

How interested was she? She showed strong early signals staring, fidgeting, eye contact. That’s real interest. But attraction is fragile and needs gentle reinforcement. Her slow replies and the single call were curiosity, not commitment. She didn’t have enough reason to escalate to a full dinner because you didn’t give her comforting confidence that you were steady and fun to be around.

What sealed the deal: Your freeze at the bar and the final push that sounded like pressure were the clinchers. When she became friendly and you went cold, that confirmed the insecurity; when you pressed and said “I’m pressuring you,” that turned curiosity into discomfort. People back away from pressure especially when they were already giving you tentative access.

What to do next (practical): Stop obsessing. If you want a soft reset, send one short, non-needy message:
“Hey, I realized I came on awkwardly before. That wasn’t my intention. I enjoyed talking to you. Hope you’re doing well.”
No begging, no explanation marathon. Then move on and practice: get names first, keep initial texts playful and value-driven (one confident message, one call if she’s into it), and prioritize a phone call early voice builds warmth fast. Learn to sit with excitement without collapsing into over-texting. Confidence is a habit; build it in small social bets so next time you don’t lose what you actually earned.

[James Smith]

Man, reading your story felt like watching myself from a few years back—back when I asked a barista out, forgot her name mid-conversation, and accidentally called her “Latte” instead. I swear, the look she gave me could’ve curdled milk. I tried to recover by saying it was a “cute nickname,” but let’s just say she never made me coffee again.

Anyway, I get you, dude. You didn’t do anything creepy—you just overthought the whole thing, like most of us do when we finally like someone after a long dry spell. The reason she’s avoiding you now probably isn’t because she thinks you’re a bad guy. It’s more likely that she’s just uncomfortable and doesn’t know how to handle the tension after turning you down. Most people prefer to vanish instead of facing that awkward energy head-on.

But here’s a thought: if you ran into her again and could hit reset, what’s one line you’d say to make her laugh and loosen things up instead of freezing up again?

[Marcus king]

Alright, let’s break this down like a post-game review no shame, just lessons.

First off, she was interested at the start. The body language, the stares, all that? That’s real. You didn’t imagine it. But here’s the key: interest is a spark, not a guarantee. What you do after determines whether that spark catches fire or fizzles.

Now, where things slipped:

The “dinner to afternoon” downgrade that was her way of easing out without being rude. When someone’s into you, they’ll match your energy. When they counter with “maybe afternoon next week,” it’s a soft pass polite, but distant.

Too much texting too soon yeah, you came on a little strong. The excitement’s understandable, but attraction thrives on space. You went from mysterious to overly eager fast, and that flipped the dynamic.

The in-person freeze totally normal, but confidence is what reinforces interest. When she saw you clam up, it probably confirmed her second thoughts.

Here’s what you should take from it: she did like you at first. You didn’t lose because you’re unlikable you lost the rhythm. Too much reach, not enough restraint.

Next time, remember this: make your move clean, light, and confident “We should grab dinner this week. What day works for you?” Then let her meet you halfway. If she doesn’t, move on. Interest that fades that easily was never built to last.

You didn’t blow it, man you just learned your first rep. Next one, you’ll keep your cool and control the pace.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… you didn’t blow it, you just over-texted the spark right out of it 😏 the energy went from flirty to forced real quick. when she switched “dinner” to “afternoon,” that was her easing the pressure. interest was there, but you chased instead of matched her pace. next time? chill. one confident text > five needy ones. mystery’s hotter than persistence, always. 🙄💅🏼

[Tara]

Next time, keep your mouth shut. Stop chasing. Stop explaining. Let her wonder where you went instead of watching you beg for crumbs. Grow a spine or stay alone.
You lost her because you acted like a needy fool the second things started to go well. She gave you clear signs and instead of handling it with composure, you smothered her with texts, attention, and insecurity. You killed every bit of attraction you had built.

You got her number and immediately started acting like she owed you her time. You chased her non-stop, texting her like your life depended on it. Every message screamed desperation. You went from confident to clingy, from interesting to annoying. That is why the dinner became “maybe next week.” She got tired just thinking about dealing with you.

When she said her phone was broken, that was your moment to step back. Instead, you pushed harder. Then you sent that pathetic “I am pressuring you” text like you wanted to prove you had no control. That was the final turn-off. You showed her exactly how desperate you were.

Here is the truth. She liked you until you made her your obsession. Attraction dies fast when a man throws himself at a woman and leaves her no room to want him. You handed over all the power and begged for attention. She lost respect, not interest.

[Sally]

When something ends fast, your brain tries to find the exact second you “messed it up.” But honestly? This didn’t fall apart because of one text or the wrong joke. It just got too heavy too fast.

She was into you at first that part was real. But once you started texting nonstop, worrying out loud, and pushing for meet-ups, the energy shifted. Some people flirt big in person but freeze when things become real. She probably liked the attention, then panicked when it turned into pressure.

And you didn’t help yourself by getting nervous at the bar. I’ve done that too the moment you care, you clamp up.

You didn’t blow some perfect chance. It just wasn’t the right fit, or the right timing. Give yourself some grace. You’re learning.

[Natalie Noah]

I want you to breathe for a second, because the way you’re dissecting every hour, every text, every reaction, it’s coming from a place of fear, not clarity. You didn’t “blow” anything. What truly happened is that this was your first attempt in a long time, and all the rust, insecurity, and pressure you’ve been holding inside came to the surface. When a man hasn’t dated for a while, he often tries too hard over-thinks, over-texts, over-analyzes. That’s what happened: not failure, not humiliation just inexperience mixed with excitement. And the woman wasn’t rejecting you as a whole person… she was reacting to the pressure and awkwardness, not your worth.

The downgrade from dinner to an afternoon meet wasn’t a punishment, it was her testing the waters. Women often shift a “date vibe” into a “casual vibe” when they’re unsure, overwhelmed, or simply not feeling the same intensity. And yes, your texting did come on too strong for her comfort. Not aggressive just too eager. When someone seems very into us before connection has even formed, it can make us retreat. Her avoidance later wasn’t hatred or disgust… it was discomfort. She didn’t know how to reject you kindly, and women often distance themselves physically when they fear a man might get hurt, push harder, or need more clarity than they feel safe giving.

About the girl from the coffee date who said she felt “judged” that’s a real feeling. Sometimes you can be polite yet unintentionally distant, emotionless, or too logical, and it can translate as “he doesn’t like me,” “he’s evaluating me,” or “I’m not enough.” Women are incredibly sensitive to emotional tone. This doesn’t mean you were judging her it means she didn’t feel warmth. And when she says “I don’t know,” it’s not a doorway. It’s a soft no. She was trying not to hurt you. Some women struggle to be direct when rejecting someone kind. Her hesitation was compassion, not confusion.

Lastly, here’s the truth that hurts a bit but sets you free: you’re overthinking dating instead of experiencing it. You’re trying to solve women like equations, studying each message like it’s a secret code. And women don’t respond to analysis they respond to presence. Confidence. Playfulness. Ease. When you chase clarity, they pull away; when you relax, they open up. All the avoidance you saw from these women was not because you’re creepy or wrong it was because your anxiety was loud, and anxiety makes genuine connection hard. But the good news? Anxiety isn’t permanent. You can learn charm, pacing, energy, and warmth. You can learn to flirt, slow down, and invite women in instead of pushing for answers. If you want, I can help you rebuild your dating energy from the ground up step by step so you don’t keep repeating this pattern.

[KeishaMartin]

You’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions, tears, misread signals, and awkward texting disasters that would make anyone blush! You did stir something in her that much is clear but you chased what was never meant to be, and no amount of tears on your shoulder or grand assurances can force someone into a relationship they don’t actually want. Women like that complex, fiery, and a little unpredictable will always keep you on your toes, and you danced like a rookie in stilettos.

April Masini is a genius. Seriously. She’s got the insight, the wisdom, and the sassy precision to cut through all the fluff you’re tangled in and slap some reality into your love life. She doesn’t coddle, she just gives it straight. And if you really take her advice to heart, you’ll come out sharper, smoother, and way more irresistible next time. Imagine wielding that charm with a little more strategy,you’d be untouchable.

Christmas, I hope you’re sipping something warm by a crackling fire, maybe at a raucous holiday party where the mistletoe is thick, and the naughty laughs are louder than the carols. I wish you nights full of flirtation, hot chocolate kisses, and maybe even a little harmless mischief under the Christmas lights because if anyone deserves a spicy, unforgettable holiday, it’s you. Just remember: next year, don’t chase the tears; chase the thrill, the connection, the spark that actually wants you back.

[Member]

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