[Shadowplay]

Hi,

After suffering many, many rejections, some of them disdainful, I feel as if there is no point in even looking at girls.

I’ve stopped going out at night, and whenever I need to leave the house, I just drift like a ghost, afraid of making eye-contact, or even looking. What’s the point in hurting myself thinking “just another girl I wouldn’t have a chance with”

I know you’re supposed to be confident. But name me one person whose record is approximately 1 in 200 that’s still confident. Recently, I thought a girl at work might be interested. But I was still afraid. Maybe even more so, because, besides the feat of rejection, I had to contend with the “You thought that…” Factor

I know I’m not what you would call ugly. But at the same time I feel as if I don’t have any of the things that I see women get attracted to. I’m not a great talker, I don’t have any approach technique, I don’t have a lot of money, I am not a good dancer, I don’t have designer suits or clothes in general, I am not a top executive, I am not muscular, I am not a “bad boy”, I am not “cool” in the regular sense. Heck, I don’t have a big penis, for all that’s worth.

I’m sure people with similar stories to mine have posted here before, and I’m sorry if I was too melodramatic. I just need to know what you think. Is there a way I can start to claw back?

Thanks.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your attitude is very defeatist. 🙁 It’s going to be difficult to have hope unless you decide that dating is something you want to work at. 😉 Life is all about choices and it doesn’t sound like yours is so bad — except that the choices you’ve made have led you to a gloomy outlook. 😳 Let me know what it is you want and how I can help you (and how old you are), and I’ll do my best. 😀

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[Shadowplay]

Hi,

What do I want? Hmmm…to put it into words. I’d say I would like to at least not feel that every girl I see is beyond reach. Right now it’s not really possible to meet through friends. I am taking a masters degree and I’ve left my hometown. After a series of crappy jobs I decided it was now or never, so I signed up for this course. Besides, my friends are married.

Anyway, as I was saying, something about the way I approached girls in the past has been way wrong, to the point of laughability. How do I begin to work on changing that, bearing in mind that I don’t have the luxury of the friend-of-friend bridge? What type of chances should I take? Meeting is the first step. I guess no one knows how far it will go once you meet. It can be a hi, it can be a long relationship.

I don’t consider myself quality-free. I am honest, compassionate, passionate about my hobbies, attentive, above-average intelligence, independent-minded, humorous. Of course, I have other faults. Like being afraid of walking out at night after twice being mugged.

I don’t mean to say I want to go straight into talking to girls at the train station or at the record store. I am aware I can’t just jump straight in.

Any other questions, please feel free to ask.

Oh, I’m 38.

Thanks

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]What do I want? Hmmm…to put it into words. I’d say I would like to at least not feel that every girl I see is beyond reach.[/quote]

Okay, so you want to change your [u]feelings,[/u] not your behavior. 😕 So, if changing your feelings is all you want, then it’s really just a matter of getting out of any situations that will make you feel badly about women being out of reach. Right now it sounds like whenever you’re around women or couples or you see other men who are successful with women, you feel badly about yourself, but since you don’t want to change your behavior, just your feelings, the way to remedy that is simply to take yourself out of those situations, so you’ll stop seeing the women, the men who are successful with women, the couples, etc., and then stop thinking about them. We only think about what we see and what we want, and if feelings is what you want to change, just change your environment.

So if that’s [i]really[/i] what it is that you want, then that’s all you have to do. 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

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