[russelll]

My (now) ex fiancee left me for a wealthy 69 year old, well 70 now, in March and i’m really struggling to get my head around it all.

She was 23 and when she graduated in 2010 accepted a very well paid job. She had no money worries and had zero debt. Likewise with myself, i’m 26 and in a well paid and good career.

Shortly after starting for the company she began attending conferences and seminars and she liaised with business leaders. At the start of 2011 she told me she had recieved a pay rise and a bigger monthly bonus, and because i trusted her and didnt doubt her i never questioned it. With this new money she bought herself very expensive dresses and shoes, bags and jewellery and completely changed her image……….however i figured she deserved to spend her extra money on treating herself.

At the beginning of this year she bought herself a brand new Audi car, and at this point i began to suspect something was going on because of the cost of the purchase. At the same time she went away with work for two weeks, or so she said, and she came back covered in expensive new jewelery. Two days after returning she went to the gym and her work phone was left in the bedroom so i went into the messages and was heartbroken to find out she had been away with a man.

When she came home i confronted her and she admitted that he was 69 and she had known him since 2010 because he owned businesses she dealt with and since the start of 2011 he had been giving her monthly amounts so she could look good for him. She also told me the car was from him and she had been away with him.

That day she moved out and the following day collected her belongings and moved in with him. Since then i have been told that she has had cosmetic surgery (her breasts enlarged) and her lips done and she has quit her job and parades around as his trophy on his arm. They are also actively trying for a baby.

Why would she change so much for a man who is now 70? I am trying to move but some professional thoughts would be extremely appreciated, thankyou.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

She didn’t just leave you for a man who is much older. He’s also much richer. This isn’t just about age. In fact, it may not be about money, entirely, either. You know her better than I do, so consider that she was looking for someone — or became attracted to someone because he isn’t just very wealthy, but he’s travelled, he’s sophisticated, he’s got a lot of life experience under his belt — these are all things that some women (and men) find attractive in a partner. She’s not a teenager, although she is in her early 20s, and she may just like him more than she does you — or is attracted to a lot of his qualities.

Sometimes men leave women (and wives) for much younger women — and women do them same (leave men and husbands for younger men). In fact the term “cougar” is what these women are called. They like younger men because they’re energetic, virile, and they make the cougar feel a certain way she doesn’t feel with older men or men her own age. In other words, people get together because of how they feel with the person they’re with.

There is nothing wrong with you — you sound like a great boyfriend, fiance and future husband — but you’re not going to be everyone’s perfect match, and not everyone is your perfect match. I know it’s disappointing to have been rejected and then follow her relationship which seems to be moving at lightning speed — but remember that rejection is your friend and it helps guide you away from people who aren’t right for you and towards those who are. Imagine if she’d left you after you were married, or after ten years of being together, or after you had kids.

She saw something in this guy that worked for her at this time in her life, and rather than analyze too much (although I know that’s difficult), understand that it didn’t work out, and you’re now free to find someone who wants you and is appropriate for you. 🙂

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[russelll]

Thanks for your reply April….

I am trying to move on, i know that her relationship has moved fast with him and in a way thats why i’ve struggled to come to terms with her meeting him, because of the speed of their relationship since she left me for him.

I think it also had to do with the fact she has had plastic surgery since being with him, which i know has nothing to do with me, because she was quite vocal when she was with me about never wanting it.

Russell.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Get back out there, and start dating again!

If you’re not ready, do things that keep you interested and busy and cultivate you! 😀

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