[MattMonster]

Long story short..

1) Been seeing this girl for about a month. We talk/text/phone every single day for a month. We have been intimate, she has expressed the desire to see me more, she has suggested dates, she told me straight out she really likes me.

2) We go camping twice in two weeks. After the first trip we were extremely close. Sometime during that week, however, she becomes colder… talks alot less, but still talks. We go camping with her parents this last weekend. She is hot and cold throughout the weekend… sometimes she’s into it, other times not.

3) She was confusing me so I told her straight up on the car ride back “Listen (insert name) I really like you and … I want to perhaps take whatever we have to that next level. Do you agree? Does that scare you? If it scares you or you are not ready, just let me know I won’t get mad.. I just thought I needed to tell you how I feel is all”. She reiterates time and time again “I’m not scared at all, I’m very happy”.

4) Since that day she has not initiated ONE conversation. I make plans on Tuesday to take her out. She says Wednesday is a good day. I start cooking dinner, made alot of great plans… she calls me at 6:00pm says she can’t make it because she is too tired from work and has to work early the next day. I was upset but I understood and did not let her know I was upset. I said to her “Just let me know when you want to hang out k?” and told her not to worry about it.

5) Today is the first full day in a month where she has not contacted me at all. I messaged her this morning wishing her a good day (this is something we both do to eachother… quite normal for us), but she did not message back and has not contacted me. This is extremely unusual behaviour.

So.. my gut is telling me she has obviously lost interest but…. I just don’t get why or how. I mean.. she was ALL over me a week and a half ago and now it’s ICE COLD. I think maybe I scared her but… she insinuated so many times that she really likes me, we have been intimate and we have taken it slow over the last month… I thought this would not come across as scary (since she told me straight up she was not scared by it).

So… am I just reading too much into this or is something up? What should I do? I really like this girl but I don’t want to scare her by confronting her about being distant when she may feel swamped by work or busy… I don’t want to come across as needy. But I also have alot of feelings for her and I want to know if she is into it. Should I confront her… or should I wait until (or see if…) she contacts me? Please help.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[MattMonster]

Both in our mid 20’s…. that’s why I thought camping with her parents may have been something “big” you know?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’ve only been dating for a month, and yet you’ve hit a couple of big “landmarks” — meeting her parents and having sex with her. Normally you’d get to know her (and vice verse) for several months before the parent meeting happens, and usually sex doesn’t happen within the first month (although sometimes it does). Both of these things may make you feel closer to her than is warranted, because you are still getting to know her. Her hot and cold behavior may be part of who she is — or she may be dating others and weighing her options. She may be intimate and have her parents involved with her dates early on, normally — and this relationship she’s having with you is like so many others she’s had — but for you, meeting the parents is a big step.

My advice is to hang back. It’s hard to do a “do-over” in dating, but basically, you need to understand that you moved too fast in the first month, and now you have to really reassess who she is and who you are as a couple. If she continues to give you signs she’s not interested, then move on. However, if she’s normally cool and you never realized this before, you can decide if you want to date someone like that.

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[MattMonster]

Thanks April,

That’s basically spot on. We moved too fast. I ended up just asking her outright (very nicely and in a considerate manner) if something was up because I was feeling a distance vibe (whether or not I should have done that is a different story, but it was bugging me and I felt I just had to get it off my chest). She basically told me that she felt it was moving too fast and that she needed to take a step back.

Now I just feel a little embarrassed because I don’t like to think of myself as a guy that’s clingy or needy… but a good life lesson nonetheless. I ended it off on a good note, basically thanking her for being upfront and honest and that if she ever wants to re-connect or is just wondering what I am doing to give me a shout. I also added that I didn’t mean to move things too fast at all and I felt confused because of so many mixed signals. It confused me mostly because she really did express these sorts of interests before but… who knows what’s going on, maybe she wanted to be nice or something.

Now the ball is in her court and I’ll just see (but NOT wait) if she ever does get in touch. Again, I feel kind of silly for approaching it the way I did (asking her if something was up) but… I guess I can’t turn back time. At any rate, thanks alot April.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

Dating is a process, and EVERYBODY makes mistakes. What we do with the mistakes, the lessons learned (or not) and the next opportunity (which always shows up!) is what gives us character. 😉

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