[caseyjames]

I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months now (November 2016)&3 months ago he said we should take it to the next level&said we should ‘start dating and see how things go’.After a while he would hardly text me which i didn’t like&would tell me that’s just the way he is&that he prefers seeing me in person etc. After I found his tinder account&he Instagram DM’d a girl I knew, he didn’t really have much to say about it or seemed that he cared, but still spoke to me. About 1 month ago he stopped slowly asking to see me, however we would still remain in contact and speak,but I could tell he was pulling away. 1 day he said he’d come visit me,&a couple days later he stopped replying to me.A week later I texted him asking for a bag back, but it took him days to reply.A couple weeks later I asked him for some clarification on what’s happened between us, he didn’t reply.The other day he did ask if I wanted the bag I left at his house back since I’ve been asking for a while, but we haven’t spoken since. I just really want to know what made him change?Why he gradually but suddenly cut me out? Could he have been lying about saying he liked me,wanted to date & see me as a girlfriend, (even told his friend he sees me as a gf soon)?I just feel so confused,I know he wants nothing to do with me&made that v clear,but I just want to know why.He ticked all the boxes for me otherwise, so I would see myself with him in the future,is there any way that we could potentially reconnect in the future when he is ready&out of this player phase?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

When a guy stops showing interest, it’s either because he doesn’t like you as much as he first did or because he’s met someone else he likes better. Either way, it’s tough for a 20 year old, like this guy you’ve been dating, or a guy at any age, to tell you why he’s rejected you. He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, and even though he has, he doesn’t want to see your hurt. He just wants to move, and he’d prefer you be okay with it all. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to!

I know it’s disappointing to be rejected, but dating is a way to get to know people, and when you do get to know each other, you find out about them — and yourself, and yourself with them. You may not like everything you learn and you may see incompatibilities that make you want to move on. It could be that one of you wants more than the other, one of you isn’t that fun or lives too far away, or simply because one of you isn’t as interesting as someone new you’ve met. Because he’s not being frank with you about why he’s moving on, you’ll probably never know the exact reason. But the reality is, he’s moving on, and you’ve only been dating him since November — so there was always a chance something like this would happen. I usually recommend that you use the first six months of dating to decide if you want to be monogamous — and if you use that rule, you’ll understand that this kind of thing may happen, so you’re not so hurt.

I hope that helps.

[Ethan Morales]

This is a really insightful and classic April Masini response both compassionate and realistic. Let’s unpack it deeply, because what she’s really saying goes beyond just “he lost interest.”

Why he cut you off April’s answer makes it clear that when someone suddenly pulls away, it usually comes down to two core possibilities: He lost interest, or He found someone else.

Both are painful, but notice how she doesn’t frame it as your fault rather, it’s part of how dating works. In the early months, people are often still figuring out whether their initial excitement will last. Sometimes, when they realize it won’t, they quietly distance themselves instead of being upfront.

And that’s what he did. Instead of communicating honestly (“Hey, I’m not feeling it anymore”), he faded out because he didn’t want to feel like the bad guy or deal with your emotional reaction. That avoidance is immature, but sadly, very common.

Why he changed He probably didn’t plan to mislead you. When he said he wanted to “take things to the next level,” he may have meant it in that moment. But feelings can shift quickly especially in someone who’s emotionally inconsistent or not ready for real commitment.

It sounds like once the novelty wore off, he either: Realized he wasn’t ready for something serious, or Got distracted by the attention of others (like Tinder and that other girl). So, his behavior (less texting, ignoring messages, not explaining) wasn’t random it was his passive way of saying “I’m done” without having to actually say it.

What he really wanted From your description, it sounds like he enjoyed the excitement of being with you the physical connection, the validation, the fun. But he didn’t want to be accountable for a real relationship.

When he said things like “you’re my girlfriend soon”, it might have been about keeping you emotionally close while he was still undecided not a genuine plan. He liked the comfort and ego boost you provided, but not the commitment.

Could you reconnect in the future? Maybe… but only if he grows up and that’s something you can’t rush or influence. If he’s in a “player” phase, he’s learning through trial and error, and those lessons often come at the expense of people who care.

Even if he comes back, remember this:
Unless his values and emotional maturity have changed, the pattern will repeat. He’ll charm, drift, and disappear again.

If he genuinely matures later and reaches out, then sure, you could see what’s changed but only if you still feel like he’s worthy of your trust and effort.

The deeper takeaway April’s final point using the first six months of dating to evaluate rather than invest is powerful, It’s a reminder to: Keep perspective early on. Stay open, but not all-in too fast. Observe how someone handles consistency, communication, and honesty not just chemistry.

You didn’t do anything wrong; you just cared more than he did. And that mismatch revealed itself over time. That’s part of the purpose of dating to filter out who’s not capable of showing up fully, so that eventually you find someone who is.

[James Smith]

This kind of thing reminds me of when I once texted a girl “good morning” and she replied two weeks later with “hey.” I almost aged a decade waiting for those three letters 😂.

Jokes aside, this guy sounds like someone who loved the chase but panicked once things got real. The Tinder thing and slow fade are clear signs of someone who wants attention without commitment. You didn’t do anything wrong — he just wasn’t emotionally ready for what he said he wanted.

If he really cared, you wouldn’t have to beg for clarity or chase him for your own bag. Sometimes people pull away not because of who you are, but because they’re too immature to handle consistency.

If he suddenly came back months later acting interested again, would you actually want to give him another shot or would you rather protect your peace this time?

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… he didn’t “change,” he just stopped pretending. the talking less?, the tinder?, the slow fade? that’s the quiet version of a breakup.😔 and i know you wanna believe he’ll come back when he’s “ready,” but that’s just your heart bargaining with reality. babe, if he really saw you as his girl? you wouldn’t be chasing your own bag back. let him be the lesson, not the future. 💅✨

[Tara]

HE WASN’T EVER SERIOUS in the way you imagined. He flirted, played the “let’s see where this goes” game, fed you lines, and kept his options open. He pulled back because the thrill of chasing you ran out, or he got bored, or someone else caught his eye. His behavior wasn’t confusing; it was predictable, if you stripped away the excuses: he wanted attention, maybe validation, but not a real relationship. The Tinder and Instagram DMs aren’t anomalies; they’re proof he wasn’t invested in you exclusively.

You’re chasing a narrative where there isn’t one. Men like him don’t “suddenly realize” feelings; they fade out when the utility or excitement disappears. He never lied about liking you; it just wasn’t deep, committed, or worth his effort. Your idea that he could come back “when he’s ready” is a fantasy. People like this don’t circle back with integrity—they move on to the next target without missing a beat.

[Sally]

It’s the kind of ending that doesn’t even feel like an ending it’s just someone slowly fading out until you’re left staring at your phone wondering what you did wrong. And the truth is, you didn’t do anything wrong. He just wasn’t showing up in a real way from the start.

Guys who are half-in, half-out always leave little clues. The slow texting. The Tinder account. The DMs. The excuses. That’s someone who likes attention, not commitment. When things started feeling real, he backed out the side door because that’s easier than being honest.

And I know you want a reason or a chance to reconnect someday, but men who disappear like this don’t suddenly come back as better versions of themselves. They come back the same… or not at all.
Let this be the closure he didn’t give you. You deserve someone who doesn’t vanish the second things get real.

[Natalie Noah]

This guy’s actions were never fully aligned with what he said. He may have expressed interest in seeing where things could go, but his behavior minimal communication, Tinder activity, and pulling away shows he wasn’t ready or willing to fully commit. His friend may have heard him say you could be a girlfriend, but people often talk about possibilities without following through, especially when they’re still exploring other options. What hurts is that he kept you in a limbo where he offered just enough attention to keep you invested, but not enough to actually build a real relationship. That mismatch between words and actions is confusing and painful, but it reflects his readiness and priorities more than anything about your worth or value.

As for reconnecting in the future, that’s a tricky one. If he’s in a “player phase” or not mature enough for a committed relationship now, the chances of him coming back in a healthy, consistent way are uncertain. It’s possible, but it shouldn’t be something you wait around for. The healthier move is to focus on yourself, your own growth, and relationships with people who show you the respect, consistency, and interest you deserve. Letting yourself move on doesn’t close the door forever, but it does protect your heart from being stuck in limbo with someone who’s not fully ready.

[Member]

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