[xdisxaznxgurlx]

I would really appreciate some advice regarding my relationship.

There is this guy that I have been seeing for a few months now. He’s a year younger and I met him when I was a high school sophomore. He liked me ever since he first met me, even before he was introduced to me, he had been attracted to me. For four years I had a feeling that he liked me, he was too obvious, but he made me feel very uncomfortable, so I was still nice to him but I avoided him when I could. I don’t recall him ever confessing to me, but he said he did, and I apparently called him cute and laughed it off like a joke because I didn’t think he was being serious. I honestly don’t recall ever doing that, but I’ll take his word for it.

Anyways, one year after graduating, I felt sentimental and contacted him. Even though he made me uncomfortable, I still considered him a friend I wanted to keep contact with because he was always a genuinely sweet person.

Right after contacting him, he properly conveyed his feelings toward me. Even then, I was convinced I didn’t want to date this guy, he made me feel uncomfortable and I wasn’t attracted to him. But those were all the lingering impressions I had of him from when I knew him back in high school. He texted me constantly, always asked to hang out; he took initiative. Though we never got to hang out when he asked because I was busy with college studies, he was growing on me.

One day, I had an assignment that dealt with going out to watch an opera showing at night, and I asked him to come with me because I wanted another person for company, and I made it our first date. At the end of the date, he cried a bit, and told me how much that date meant to him because he had been trying for four years to get a chance with me. I felt so desired and I really believed that he would be a good guy for me. If they were just words, I would have been a skeptic, but he cried for me, I didn’t find him a wussy, I found it to be very endearing.

That was when I accepted him, but that was also when the problems started. After that date, I made more of an effort to see him, this time, because I wanted to see him. He’s even introduced me to his family. He says that they like me much more than any other girls he’s brought home because I’m mature, thoughtful, caring, smart, etc.

I also made sure to tell him before we started dating that I wouldn’t always be able to see him in person because I live under very strict rule. He said he understood my position and wanted to date me regardless. I make it a conscious effort to see him once a week, which I had never done before in my past relationships.

Anyways, here’s the problem. He doesn’t take any initiative anymore, and he acts so uninterested now too. For a while I had been texting with paragraphs that called for open-ended answers but he only replies with “k” or “wow” or “lol.” I addressed that issue with him and he says he’s a man of few words… I thought to myself…okay… that’s weird because you used to text a lot more than me… but whatever. My resolve was to text him less and not at all, to see how he’d react or if he would even react to it. He never reacted, I can go days without texting him (though I want to) and he would do the same. I think he doesn’t think to text me at all or maybe he just doesn’t care. When I do text him, he never fails to reply. But his replies don’t leave me any room to continue any sort of conversation because its always “k” “wow” “lol.” I’ve addressed this with him before as well and he said he’s had bad experiences with talking too much because it would always lead to arguments (with his ex). I tried to convey to him that I’m not his ex and that he doesn’t have to silence himself with me; he could speak his mind. I found it upsetting that he basically lost his will to speak because the last girl he dated got mad at him for talking. He said he knows and that its hard but he’ll try because old habits die hard. He changed for a bit and went right back to his short replies. That’s fine, he tried, but I can’t help but feel as though he’s lost interest because he was an entirely different person just months ago. In person, he’s all over me. Otherwise, it feels like he doesn’t even know my existence. I’ve also asked him, if he still likes me because I may be a different person than who I was in high school, and he swears he does, more so now than he did before.

Why is he like this? Has he lost interest? Is he taking me for granted? Is it revenge? Or is he just a typical guy? What should I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Why is he like this? [/quote]

This is who he is. There’s no real need to dig deep here. The better question is, why do you want to continue to date someone who’s behavior bothers you so much? When you find yourself asking a question about a man you’re dating, consider turning the question around and asking it of yourself. We use the people we date as mirrors. They make us feel a certain way, and if it’s a good way, then we stay with them. When it isn’t a good way, we move on. But some people have trouble moving on.

[quote]Has he lost interest? [/quote]

The way you can tell if a man is interested in you is very simply, how he behaves. There’s no trick. If he asks you out, makes an effort to see you, treats you like someone he wants more of and a future with, he’s interested. If he does the opposite, he’s lost interest. Since you write that “he doesn’t take any initiative anymore…..” the answer is yes, he’s lost interest.

[quote]Is he taking me for granted?[/quote]

I don’t think he’s taking you for granted — he’s just lost interest. But you may be taking yourself for granted by trying to make something work with someone who’s lost interest. 😉

[quote] Is it revenge? [/quote]

I don’t think so. You haven’t mentioned anything he’d be vengeful about. Usually revenge is something people take in order to retaliate against behavior they don’t like. I don’t think you’ve done anything he wants to retaliate against. So, no.

[quote]Or is he just a typical guy? [/quote]

Whether or not he’s typical, his behavior indicates a loss of interest. When guys lose interest, they stop acting like you’re important to them. He’s doing this.

[quote]What should I do?[/quote]

My advice is to move on and play the field. If you’re actually asking him if he actually likes you, you know the answer and are hoping for a different one. I hope that helps.

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[xdisxaznxgurlx]

I took your advice and moved on from the last guy, there was no need for me to express anymore interest in a guy that has none for me but I’d like some advice about a friend whom I have liked since before I even met him.

We have been friends for five years, and I have liked him for six years. I liked him before I found out he was gay and I still like him though he claims to be gay. After he told me he was gay during our first year as friends, I also confessed and told him that I liked him…I told him as a means of getting it off my chest I think because…I just couldn’t hold it in anymore, I had to tell him. Since he told me he was gay…it didn’t seem so scary to tell him about my feelings anymore either, but I did it in such a way that insinuated that I used to like him..and that I don’t have those feelings for him anymore.

Before I get judged about liking a “gay” guy or even questioning whether he is actually gay, I’d first like to say that even he questions whether he is gay or not. Throughout these five years, he’s told me about guys he had relations with, but the majority of them were guys he only had an online relationship with. Never have I physically seen him with a guy in real life.

All the while, he had some crushes on girls, his first kiss was with a girl. He told me back then that kissing her was just to get it “over with” and so I got angry and lectured him…and he cried…but I knew that he liked her, he just didn’t want to admit it to me and..I realize now that it wasn’t my place and I acted out of jealously. We were recently reminiscing and he told me that I was right, and that he did like her and I apologized about what I did and we just laughed about it. He just didn’t want to tell me he did out of courtesy I suppose because he knew I liked him. One time, I also introduced him to my best friend that attended a different school, and he immediately liked her, he told me he liked her, and that he would totally date her. There were even times when he told me that if he were straight, he would definitely go out with ME. The first time he said it to me was during my sophomore year of high school, and then again during my freshman year of college. When he told me those lines the second time around in college…he followed with how he was confused with what his sexual orientation really is. I told him that its alright and that he’ll find out and that I’ll be there alongside him figuring it out “helping him, kicking him, stabbing him, hugging him, guiding him along the way” and during the time I was saying this, he added “kissing him” [along the way]….but for some odd reason, what he had said, did not register in my mind at the time, until I thought about it after we had parted….and I feel like….I had missed a long-awaited opportunity. Especially since he said [again] that if he was straight, he would date me.

I believe that…a person is truly gay or lesbian…when they’ve had crushes on the same sex since elementary school years. Other gay friends that I have had told me that they had crushes on their same sex since primary school years…and children during this time are so innocent, that one couldn’t help but believe they were just born that way, which is completely acceptable. My friend told me that he liked girls as a kid.

Keep this in mind that he is also an attention seeker.I believe that this is just something he started…to seek attention. His siblings and I have talked and we don’t believe that he’s actually gay, that it’s just a phase. When my family members met him, they didn’t believe me when I said that he was gay either. Again, even he has been questioning himself, he also believes that people are born this way…he’s been questioning lately if he merely chose to be this way.

Lately, I just can’t handle the agony of constantly wanting him. I don’t understand why its suddenly so much harder now, when I’ve been doing this for six years. Never have either of us felt such a strong connection with each other compared to our relationships with other people. We’re both able to completely be ourselves with each other unlike with other people.

My feelings for him aren’t something I can really get over, and I don’t believe I ever will, I can accept it, and even if we can’t be more than friends, I know I’ll always cherish and support him. I’m only incredibly strung on this because I genuinely don’t believe that he is gay. What do you think? Is he really gay or seeking attention? and was he hinting at something when he mentioned me “kissing him” ?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]What do you think? Is he really gay or seeking attention? and was he hinting at something when he mentioned me “kissing him” ?[/quote]

You’re focusing your energy on him — and you should really be focusing on yourself. 😉 Whether one not he’s gay, he’s clearly confused about his sexual identity, and if you want to date someone, it would be a lot easier to find someone to date who knows he wants to date women, since you’re a woman.

You may have feelings for him, but the way you behave and expend your energy is important. My advice is to stop spending so much energy on him, and instead, start getting out there and meeting men who are clearly interested in dating YOU! 🙂

I hope that helps. 😀

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