[honeybee02]

This may be the toughest situation to get out of, and I know, coming from experience.

This girl seems confused, unsatisfied, and very insecure. It seems as though, in a sense, she uses you in order to feel “complete”, or in order to avoid being alone. She jumped at the chance to be with somebody else, but when he turned her down, she jumped right back into your arms. Believe me, if she was willing to do it once, she will do it again. It’s just a matter of time before she starts talking to, or seeing somebody else behind your back.

It’s hard to be able to tell the truth of a situation sometimes when people’s actions don’t match up with their words. But as with all situations you’ll come across in life, actions (especially repeated ones) display honesty. This girl tells you that she needs you, loves you, wants to be with you, and has made a mistake. But no matter how many times she apologizes to you, what does she do? She does the same thing again. Being truly sorry means you won’t make the same mistake again because you’ve realized it was wrong.

This girl will never stop walking all over you until you stand your ground. If you want to be with this girl, you need to show her that you’re something worth keeping. In order for her to respect you, you need to show her that you respect yourself, and the only way to do that is to show her that you will not put up with her games.

This is the hardest part. Especially because of the nine years you have been together. This girl is your comfort zone. Without her it would feel like your whole world was gone, and there’s no way to get around that. But the only way to respect yourself, and show her you will not put up with games, is to separate yourself from her. The separation will force not only her, but you to own up to your real feelings towards each other.

I wish you the best of luck, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. Nobody should have to.

[honeybee02]

If you love him and want the relationship to prosper, I would keep trying.

If you back off, that might show him that this “breakup” is what you want. Further, he might feel as if you’re not fighting for him and putting in effort to win him back. Think about if the roles were reversed… wouldn’t you want him to be trying to win you back, even if you were unsure about it?

It seems to me as if he still wants to be with you and cares about you (hence the not giving the things back, have faith, etc.), but at the same time he wants and needs to show you that what you did was wrong and unacceptable. It seems like a problem that will be worked through in time.

Let him know that you’re sorry, admit that you made a mistake, and express to him that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to get him back (if that’s the truth). Don’t smother him, call him excessively, beg him night and day, things like that. He needs to see that you will stick by his side unfalteringly through think and thin. That’s what you need to show him right now. Be a strong woman about the situation and he will come through.

Guys are insecure too… I think he’s looking for reassurance.

[Member]

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