[logjam25]

Well, I tried my best to get out of the friend zone! We actually went away together for 5 nights on vacation and didn’t one time kiss or anything, I tried to get close to her and it wasn’t happening, we had fun but that was all. The night after we got back which was 2 days ago, she told me she wanted to just be friends and that I was not what she wanted and that she was sorry. Even after about 6 months of off and on that we have been doing, she acted as though there was no hope. She still wants to hang out and be friends, but the past 2 days I have backed off and not talked to her hardly at all, I stopped texting her earlier today and acted like I didn’t care. I believe I have been very needy this whole time. I know that the only way I can win her back is to stop being so insecure, start being less available, stop expressing my feelings to her, and be more desirable as a man! Then maybe this summer while we are having a lot of fun together and I’m also hanging out with other girls and doing my own thing, she will realize what we had a few months back and will miss how sweet and great I was to her. And I do want to put myself through this because I am crazy about her, so I have made my mind up that I’m going to try to win her over still, if nothing else to prove to myself that I can be an alpha male and not a needy pansy like I have been to her! I feel like that’s my only shot with her, build confidence, show confidence, and feel better about myself while still having a good time with her. What do you think??? Any advice or plan at this point would be great!

[logjam25]

We have gone on “dates” and pretty much been at the “talking” stage for months though, I just think I put it out there too much and tell her how I feel too often. We text pretty much all day every day and then either see each other at night or talk on the phone. I just feel as though I need some help building attraction through text messages so I don’t find myself “small talking”. When I tell her how I want things to be great with us and how I wish she had the same feelings as I do towards her then that really kills the vibe, she usually doesn’t respond or is really short. I have just invested a lot of time and effort into this girl and care a lot about her and want this to work out! She just keeps telling me that she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone right now but yet I feel like in some cases we are almost dating, so it’s pretty strange. I AM in the friend zone, I just want to get out of it without being too pushy about things, I want to be respectful to how she feels but at the same time I hate being so patient.

[logjam25]

Well we don’t necessarily call it “dates” when we hang out, but it is sort of implied. She used to text me and say “cant wait for our date tomorrow” but now I never get anything flirty like that at all. That’s why I’m so worried about everything, and when I try to talk to her about being more than friends she says “I don’t want to have this conversation”. But before we had an argument a few weeks back she said “I was really starting to grow close to you and was thinking about having a relationship with you” but yet she didn’t act that way at all..so I’m just not sure. From my experiences, if a girl likes me, I can tell she does. Even in her case, I could tell that she used to like me, but now she sort of says she does, but just doesn’t act like it whatsoever!

[logjam25]

I’ve been “talking” to this girl now for 5 months and i am secretly in love with her. I am crazy about her! The problem is this…I just turned 25 and she is still 18. However, she got out of a 2 year engagement 10 months ago. So she is very very fragile! So we have been hanging out at least twice a week for the past 5 months and things go great, then they back off, they go great, then back off, same pattern. We are planning to go on a trip together for a week in about 3 weeks, so that’s a pretty big deal. And about a month ago things looked like we were getting ready to date, we would hang out every day, and things were awesome! Then some drama started and we didn’t talk for a week, things got bad. Then she told me she wanted things to get back to normal, the only problem is that now that we are hanging out again, she barely will let me touch her, hug her, anything. Obviously I want more than just friends with her but when I hug her it’s awkward now and when I put my hand on her or something, she just acts different. So what can I do or say to help things out here? I don’t want to screw things up before our trip, but I also would love to be headed in the right direction before out trip also…I want to move things forward but I have no idea what is going on with her. She is always scared to move into anything too seriously but it’s been 5 months!!! and it’s killing me to not be able to kiss or hug her when we hang out! But yet when I don’t text her back for 30 minutes, she will call me asking me why I haven’t texted her back! haha it’s so strange but I’m crazy about this girl and I want a relationship with her without being pushy and without being in the friend zone right now! I was so sweet to her whenever we were doing good and she loved that, but now I’m trying to back off and not be very sweet at all hoping it will drive her crazy, but it looks like it’s biting me in the butt instead. So should I flirt and be sweet to her a lot more or keep doing with I’m doing and try to be distant with the texting? Any plan, advice, info would be great. I just need to figure this out! And we have talked about being in a relationship a million times but she never wants to talk about the future or anything..so it’s hard to bring it up at all!

[logjam25]

im referring to the hole i always find myself in. i get to this point with every girl where things are going well but they dont consider it a “relationship”. when we hang out or go out together we call it “dates” and she has referred to us seeing each other as “date night” but it still isnt exclusive. i feel like i can only stay in limbo for so long before we discuss going that next step, but thats where i always mess up! i cant seem to get over the barrier! we have talked about a relationship before but she said she just wasnt ready..so im not sure when that perfect time is to bring it up or to tell her how she makes me happy and i want to be with her.

[logjam25]

So that worked! She asked me to hang out and we have hung out twice this weekend and she wants to do lunch with me tomorrow and hang out the next night also! We held hands again and got close, but I’m just not sure how to bring up the dating topic again without falling right back into the same hole!

[logjam25]

Thanks April. She broke up with her boyfriend a little over a week ago. I figured that would be a good thing for me, and we have still been hanging out about once a week. The only problem now is, we were flirting around last night and she told me that she thought we were just friends since she just got out of a serious relationship. She also said she wasn’t ready to start up anything after just ending that. So I almost feel like she slammed the door shut right there. I’m not sure if she meant friends for now, or friends all together. We still flirt around and I was hoping she broke up with her boyfriend because things were going good with me, but it doesn’t seem that way now. She says she likes hanging out with me, but I’m just not sure. Either she needs some single time, or she is just not interested. I don’t really want to invest my time and effort into something that won’t work out. I told her that i respect that she just got out of a relationship, but in the same sense, I don’t want to wait around on her either. What is your take on this? Should I just let it go, be her friend only, or try to go out with her and get some affection and see what happens? I want to know how she feels about me in the future but I hate to ask her about it. I could ask her best friend to get some info, but I’m sure she would tell her that I was asking about it.

[logjam25]

First off, let me say, you are great April, you have given me some great advice in the past…however, i’m back to this point with my ex..I tried to move on but that didn’t work…I have been broken up with my ex now for 6 months, we dated for almost 2 years, I have been stop missing her, but all the memories just keep coming back to me! She lived in a town an hour away, about 3 months ago, I was out with another girl (strictly friends) and saw my ex at a restaurant. We did not speak. I texted her about a week later, and we talked for a few hours, she seemed a little jealous over that girl. But I played it off cool like I was doing good and that I hope me and her could still be friends. I recently got a job in the town she lives in, she wanted me to get a job there for the time we were together but I couldn’t, and now ironically I have a job there now. I told her that, and told her we should get some coffee sometime, but she didn’t text me back. Now she will not talk to me and I just have no clue what to do. I wish she would just talk to me. But she’s not a girl into playing games, and seeing me with another girl probably made her more mad than jealous. I feel like maybe I could give it a few months and then try to tell her that I’m single and missing her again, and see if she would give things another try, but I really doubt it. I just feel like she hates me. Our relationship ran its course, and we have both been single since we broke up. I have grown up so much, have a good job now, moving out into the town she actually lives in, and just really bettering myself. So I do believe that I have grown up and am ready for a relationship now. Even when I was texting her that one night she said “well I guess you have grown up a little bit”. So that was a big step that she acknowledged that. But the flower idea that I tried a few months ago, she thought that was sweet of me, I left flowers at her house with a card asking her to give things another chance, but she told me she just didn’t want to, at least for now. But I feel like she’s further away than ever now. She just won’t give me a chance to talk to her or anything. Just please let me know what I can do, if anything. It’s just crazy that I work about 1 mile from her house and we are both single, I feel like she could at least go to dinner with me and see what happens, but she won’t take that chance.

[logjam25]

I am 23, she is 21, we both got out of relationships about 6 months ago and realize that we are ready for something very serious. She is very mature for 21, so I believe she is ready for that stage.

[logjam25]

Thank you April! That helps me out a lot! In a couple months once I get a nice job and move out, I was planning on going to her house one afternoon. Get some flowers, dress up nice, tell her how my life has changed around and how I’m not immature anymore, and ask if she would give things another chance, or at least 1 more date to see what happens. Hopefully she won’t have another guy at that point and she will be willing to give it another try. Do you think this would be a good idea?

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