I was going to post a similar question but read this post first and thought I would just add it here.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly three years. During the first year, the sex was great. It was creative, fairly frequent, and she was as eager to “get it on” as I was. The last two years, that enthusiasm has declined. We do have sex, but not as often and certainly not as imaginative. I have taken several different approaches to discuss this with her and her immediate response is defensive as if I am offending her somehow. I have taken the psychological approach, the supportive approach, the concerned approach, and I must admit, the angry approach. I have a degree in psychology which totally backfires because she thinks that I over analyze situations and does not like to be spoken to like a counselor (though I got a degree in Pscyh I did not take a career in the field). She has told me that I more likely to “get it” if I do not ask for it. However, if I do not ask, ten days go by with nothing! When I say that the first year was creative, I mean it was not the same old position, same old place (in the bed), it was more random. It was also a bit naughty meaning I received oral and loved giving her oral, there was anal a couple of times, and there was even some toys involved. This last year, that has all ceased. I can understand a female having some hangups on some things and I am fine with that but if she enjoyed that stuff before then why not now? She does not even want me to touch her down there with my hand. During one conversation, she said it may be her birth control but she has been on same bc since we met. During a different conversation, I mentioned how things were during the first year and her response was that was when things were new and “all relationships are more active in the beginning”. I, of course, took offense to that and felt that it made no sense. I try to relay to her that I just want to figure out what is going one and make efforts to resolve the problem, but it is so hard to talk to her about it. We have talked about marriage a lot lately and we do really love each other. Everything else is great in our relationship. Recently, when I was sexually frustrated, we were talking about marriage and I made a rude comment that I really was not looking forward to spending the rest of my life with someone who has such a low libido. I got chewed out for that, and I know it was not a good thing to say but it was honest. I read articles about men that cheat and often times it is because the lack of sex at home and if a man is satisfied in his bedroom at home then he will not look to hop in another woman’s bed. I would hate to be married and be so deprived sexually that I became interested in having an affair. Does anyone have any advice about what do do here? Getting her to admit that her sex drive is low is important and she has somewhat admitted that but she is not one to admit she does things wrong. I also do not want her to think that sex is the most important thing in our relationship but at the same time that a healthy sex life is somewhat important. HELP!
ROCKACHAWMember #12,391
