[prariebyu]

Hey GF, I think I can offer some advice to you. The problem you are experiencing is not uncommon to one degree or another. The real problem is whether or not you are going to relate to the cause of your problem and do something to change it or if you are going to be in denial about the issue.

Let me ask you, what happens and how do you act when these feelings come up? You say you act like a “crab”. What does that look like? You are insecure. But that is not the real issue here. Insecurity is the manifestation of a deeper problem.

There are two basic emotions that all other emotions evolve from, love and fear. Love is part of creation, God given and heaven sent. Fear is a man made creation and is part of the illusion created by man. As such, all fear is part of a great big lie that humanity has chosen to believe. Your insecurity, is that based in love or is that based in fear? I think the answer is fear. So fear of what? Fear of rejection, abandonment? There is a specific name for the fear associated with the cause of your insecurity and it relates back to something that happened to you in your past. It could be related to an issue which has created in you a sense of low self esteem which is often attached a lack of self love at it’s core. If your self esteem is low and deep inside you feel unworthy or unloveable, then your ego will ask you how can anyone else love you if you don’t love your self. If you feel unloveable then you will tens to become “clingy” or possessive and jealous in relationship.

The bottom line is that your insecurity within your relationship is not about your BF but about you and will resurface in every relationship you have from here on out until you identify the cause of your fear creating this insecurity and within you. Once you identify the root cause, you can then take action to heal the wound causing the fear and evolve.

Suggested reading on the subject (very helpful):

“The Mastery Of Love” Don Miguel Ruiz
“A Return To Love” Marianne Williamson
“A New Earth” Ekhardt Tolle

Good luck

[prariebyu]

From what you have written it sounds to me like she is depressed and maybe doesn’t believe that she is ready to be a productive partner for you at this time. Perhaps she is feeling emotionally inadequate due to her depression and wants to give you an opportunity to experience life while she goes through this period of depression. Or, perhaps, she is just not sure about committing to marriage at this time.

It’s hard when the one you love is not feeling 100%. I empathize with your feeling that you want her to be happy and are willing to do everything you can to support her. But she seems to need some time. The two of you set a time limit on your break. Have you discussed the relationship and where things are going since the previously agreed date to end the break? Perhaps it is time to talk about it and ask her what she needs and what she would like to have happen before the two of you got your relationship back on track. She is obviously still interested in you and in having some kind of relationship with you. I think the two of you should have a heart to heart talk. It may do wonders if not illuminate and clear away some of the mystery.

If she is still ambivalent, then maybe you should try to withdraw from her a bit and see if that doesn’t spur the urge in her to recommit to you and the relationship. Just back off and give her some space and both of you some time. Time apart may be the best thing. If after some time spent completely seperate from one another you each feel the desire to continue a more committed path together then that’s what you will have. If not, then it’s time to move on in a different direction anyway.

I have recently gone through a short term break. My partner is also depressed about her some of her personal issues and future. The past 2 and 1/2 months have been hard. I had been trying to bend over backwards to express my love for her. I came to feel that I was doing 80% of the work in the relationship. A couple of days ago I pressed the issue feeling that I had nothing more to offer that might inspire or encourage her stay in relationship. I guess this did the trick because her ambivalence has disappeared and she now seems to be completed committed to our relationship and is also making strong efforts to commit to her personal path as well.

I don’t know if any of these will help, but I have found the following books to be very insighful, inspirational and helpful.

“Mastery of Love” Don Miguel Ruiz
“A Return to Love” Marianne Williamson
“A New Earth” Ekhardt Tolle

Good Luck

[Member]

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