[blanford]

Im sorry about your situation. I’ve been through the exact same thing, and I’ve learned that only someones whos gone there can help.

We guys are tough and expected by society to move on without much fuss, but in reality, when we find our ideal woman and give ourselves to her, we stunned when she doesnt feel the same. It poisons our core and makes us question who we are and our identity.

Its a very lonely crushing time.

I wont give you the cliches about hanging in there or any particular advice. I will only say that you need to reconsider this from a couple other perspectives:

1. she may not actually deserve you. She may be damaged goods who cant commit. Yes, there are serial women like that out there. No way to know it before hand so dont blame yourself.

2. If she feels this way it would never have worked anyway.

3. There is no “perfect” person. If you had gotten married, you would have gone through what everyone else whose married including me has gone through—-buyers remorse period—where you discover all sorts of hidden faults and problems that annoy you to death. This is life and its messy. Dont idealize this person.

4. When I was dumped, I was lied to about another guy. IT took me a year to get over. But I made it. GIve yourself time to heal. In six months things will seem different. In the meantime get into incredible personal shape and stay out there socially and do adventurous bold things with your life.

5. After a year you’ll be ready to look again. This time, avoid every quality about this person and look for the opposite. You cannot see it now because youre still idealizing her, but dont forget if you had married that would have dissolved into reality quickly. The next time around, which you cant even contemplate right now, find someone much more stable, decisive, and sure about exactly what she wants to do. Dont waste time and money chasing after someone who cant making up their mind. A relationship should build to a crescendo. Something was wrong from the start for you, but you didnt see it. There were red flags everywhere you ignored. Im not judging you, because i did the same thing.

6. marry a wonderfully compatible woman just like i did. Avoid feminists like the plague. You need a completer not a competer. Make sure she’s emotionally and intellectually healthy and capable of riding out fights –in other words, she’s going to stick through thick and thin. Dont idealize women. It is men who have created this incredible world we live in for the most part-not women. THis is an indisputed fact, and for proof visit henry mackows site for advice. Be reaosnable and dont expect perfection. A good attraction (not a model who is narcissistic), a realistic expectation for disagreements, good communication, and mutual respect and boundaries, and both people with their own lives will make a relationship work. NOthing else.

[Member]

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