[keyzman88]

April,

I don’t know if you are still monitoring this site but here we are 2 years later. When I promised updates…this is the final one.

Their relationship (as we both assumed) was doomed from the beginning. I went through a year of defending my position about “the couple” not attending family functions when I was there. I had to go through this EVERY holiday…it was exasperating. The one and only event they attended together that I was at was “uncomfortably wierd”. The nieces and nephews were confused, my oldest niece (16 at the time) told me that she thought it was strange. When I told my sister this in a later conversation (to prove a point that kids can see how weird this is but the grownups can’t)…they MADE her apologize to ME for saying that. I was livid that my sister did that to her daughter.

After that year of constant defense, and the ex-girlfriend (posing as my DEAD ex-girlfriend who died in 2006 of cancer…true story) posting comments on social networks I belong to…I threw in the towel. My mental health and my happiness were becoming compromised and so in June of 2011…I sent my whole family (including the Uncle), that I was done with this. I was allowing them to come to functions…but to stay away from me. It was now up to me to accept whatever emotions happen and deal with them on an intelligent / non-emotional level.

Funny how things work out. A month after I sent it out…they broke up. The details are as follows:
She was never affectionate with him, she would go to bars or outdoor concerts with him and she would totally ignore him…not even hold his hand. According to him…there was very little physical contact with her. Basically, she can’t stand to be alone but makes it difficult to be with her because of all her drama.

My uncle came over and we had a discussion about this and his apology was: “Please don’t tell me ‘you told me so'” and “I’m sorry for letting **** (insert girl’s name here) come between us”. I told him that she didn’t do this…YOU did”. I realized that he still didn’t understand his error…and for the next year, I kept him at arms distance…but I was nice to him…but he knew I was still disappointed with him.

Then a week ago, we were talking about F1 racing (something I do virtually) and metioned the F1 race at SPA in Belguim was on over the Labor Day weekend and asked him to record it for me. He did and we had dinner together at his house last night. It was then he admitted to everything being his fault and shouldn’t have stepped over that line in the first place…etc. After he said that, I told him that he finally gets it..and that “full forgiveness” has been bestowed and that this chapter in our relationship was over and that we are back to the way it used to be.

He’s been through a lot and cutting him slack is something I can be good at…especially since she is no longer in the picture.

So there we have it. Sometimes karma takes a long time to enact its revenge on people…but once it does…it is done the right was.

Just thought you’d be tickled to know about the resolution to this.

Michael

[keyzman88]

April,

Thank you for taking the time to write your replies. I sincerely appreciate it. Several points if I may…

Firstly [quote]He’s a very troubled guy who probably has a life history of going for “low hanging fruit” because it’s convenient and easy. If you can wrap your head around this dynamic, and see why and how it happened — and that it will happen again with him, you may feel better. [/quote] I take no solace in that. I feel sad for him. I wish I could help…but we’re kinda past that now 😥

Secondly, my uncle no longer lives in my P’s basement. It was a temporary thing (8 months or so) until he knew what his fate would be legally. He now has his own apartment. Everything that has happened…has happened outside their household. But you are kinda correct in stating that [quote]It probably isn’t so great for you that your parents housed your uncle in their basement and now approve and welcome him and your girlfriend into their home knowing how he hurt you and broke your code[/quote]…and that is because my parents are ok with what is happening. That boggles my mind!

Thirdly, A “Resolution Summit” between my uncle and I is set for 7/6 with my brother mediating. My brother has suggested we submit no more than 5 bullet points to him that he will pass them on to the “other side”. We are very family oriented…and like I previously stated…my brother is a great guy! He is Solomon! I will post the results of that night.

Fourthly, (and most importantly) you stated [quote]For you, it’s time to raise the bar on who gets into your life and who doesn’t make the cut.[/quote] You are correct. Immediate family are in! Favorite childhood uncles…now that is a different story!

I will post after the “Summit”

Thanks again April!

M.

[keyzman88]

April,

Thank you for your response. I’d like to make myself “perfectly clear”. I am not hurt or angry at my ex. As I stated, she can do whatever she wants. I do not have feelings for her in that way anymore…and my life is happier without her in it.

Who I am angry at is my uncle. His behavior…i.e. inappropriate actions towards his nephew’s (my) girlfriend, his persistence of the pursuance of her, choosing his immediate need over the feelings of his nephew, not giving a damn about the fallout that would happen, not being the more mature person than the ex-g-friend, and all the other surrounding issues that come with this kind of a sticky situation (holiday gatherings all with nieces and nephews). He goes to a church of 20,000 people (a megachurch)…and he didn’t even try to look for someone there. Instead, he opted for the “low hanging fruit”. He broke a trust! His alliance with his family should have came first. He crossed a line that any individual with a more powerful brain than libido wouldn’t have crossed! That is where my anger lies.

It doesn’t hurt that she dating. I don’t care about that. I do care that my uncle is dating her…my problem is him and his actions. Maybe, if there wasn’t any previous problems with him prior to this, and the fact that it was less than 2 weeks, might have put a different spin on it…but that was and is not the case.

[Member]

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