[Cainn66]

Its been almost two months since my fiance moved to California. I went to Cali to visit her for my birthday for a few days. We are discussing the wedding plans and my move to Cali. We talk on the phone everyday. I send her text messages and emails letting her know that I love and miss her. Sometimes I feel like she is distant. She doesnt send emails or text messages first often and that bothers me. I asked her why and she says thats not the way she is. When we talk on the phone its kind of hum drum. We are watching TV together while we are on the phone which generates conversation so I guess that is good. She created a Facebook page and I was like the tenth person she invited to be her friend which is ok. I changed my relationship status to engaged. Before my status wasnt listed, and it sent her a message for a confirmation of us being engaged. She never responded. I also put pictures up on my page of us and tagged her in them. As you probably know when you do that it puts them on the person being tagged wall. She took them down. On her page she has 2 pictures of me but the pictures dont say who I am. They are in a album when we went to the zoo and makes me feel I’m in a general catagory like the pictures of her friends she has. I asked her why she didnt respond to the engaged confirmation and why she took the tagged photos down. She got mad and She said it was her page and she can do what she wants on it and she said that I didnt have being engaged or her pictures on my page until she got a facebook page. She said she deleted her page.

[Cainn66]

Thanks so much for your help. She has already accepted a job transfer and is moving in October. We are going to try the Long Distance THing. I understand her points about us being an interracial couple in the south and that it will be long battle for her to be accepted if ever by my family. I have been thinking about changing careers and retiring from the National Guard in the next 12 to 18 months. I have to see what kind of job opportunities I will have in San Diego. The fight we had, the initial contact with my parents and her moving has put some strain on our relationship. I’m trying to be positive and I’m trying not go into a shell when she talks about the move or her new job. Honestly I feel that I dont have any control and scares me. I’m going tobe positive and supportive, love her the best I can.

[Cainn66]

I’m 43 and she is 38, neither of us has ever been married. Her daughter is 19. The father has never had anything to do with her. Also we had a bad fight last week over the move but we have since made up. She came to my change of command ceremony, my parents were there. I was going to introduce them but my parents avoided her and left before I could. There was tension and it bothered my girlfriend.

[Cainn66]

I would like to stay here or in NC where she lives. That way I could keep my job ( 11 years and in the top 10 in my company), keep my military career ( 21 years of service, accepting a position as a battalion Commander this weekend and I will be promoted in April which means I’ll have to stay in the Reserves for 3 more years), and still be able to help out with my parents ( My father is a farmer and with his health he is not able to do the work he used to). I have told her this. Everything she has been doing the past 6 months has been getting her and her daughter to California. Evan after I have asked her not to move there (3 times) and she said she wouldnt. Sometimes I feel she loves San Diego more than me and that she is being selfish and self center. She says she realizes what I would be giving up to be with her if I move to California but I feel there has been no compromise. Her compromise is that I can join her next year or even in 3 years. She had a hard enough time with me being an hour and half a way but she said we can make this LDR work. I love her but I dont know what to do follow my heart or my head????I feel that I’m being selfish for asking her not to want to move. Until recently she didnt have a job there and was going to move anyway. I feel bad. I want her to be happy…I want the both of to be happy together.I’m afraid that I wont be able to get a good job there and I’m also afraid that what if our relationship ends after I move there…..I’m trying very hard not to be selfish..Also we are an interracial couple. She feels that we will never be fully accepted by my family or the culture in the south. I do realize this could be true. I do love her and giving up is not part of who I am. Semper Fi

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[Cainn66]

I asked her to marry me and she said yes. She also asked does that mean she can move to San Diego I said it means I love you

[Cainn66]

I asked her to marry me, she said yes. I proposed because I love her. After she said yes she said does this mean I cant move to San Diego. I said it means I love you.

[Cainn66]

UPDATE: We had a talk. I explained my position and I asked her to stay in NC atleast until I finished my Army time. She said it was to late put off her moving. She also said that she has tried to want to stay in NC but doesnt want to. I expressed my fears about her moving she said she wanted to atleast try to make it work. Is she being selfish? I’m afraid once she moves our relationship will end.

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