It turned out he was cheating ;( He said that he only did it cause I argued with him everytime I saw him in the past few months…this is very true. I did do that A LOT. But most of our arguments stemmed from him not introducing me to his friends–I felt, even though he spent money on me and took me on dates, that he excluded me from his life–that I didn’t feel like a part of it…that’s where most of my upset stemmed from. I’m not perfect. There were times when I acted a little bipolar and wouldn’t just get upset too often. But he said the cheating is “my fault” now I feel like it is:( I feel like if I didn’t push him so much he wouldn’t have done it….he said “when we fight it feels like I’m not with you.” He said one girl, the one he cheated on me with, was a friend and the other was a girl at a bar he got when we broke up but I was always the girlfriend–he said he felt nothing for them and that he just mindlessly did it. That was his explanation for cheating…..I told him I never cheated on him….I even showed him texts of a guy I kissed when we were broken up who I said “You know I got back together with my bf right?” to prove how dedicated I was to him–that I was telling other guys to back off–that I love my bf. He just focused on the part that I kissed the guy when we were broken up…even tho he had sex once when we were broken up and supposedly had sex once recently with other girls during our relationship……I just feel like a fool…I pushed him away arguing so much….I just was so adamant about not playing games they tell you to in dating books like ignoring the phone and being distant if he upset, and instead I would always complain and tell him about problems–hoping that being authentic would work someday with some guy–even tho it hasn’t yet, and once again, it got me nowhere. He said I didn’t need to pester him–he would have immersed me in his personal life eventually and that he had to do it when he was ready–that because I was his first relationship in three years–he was just slower to incorporate me into friends and family, and that’s why I didn’t meet them, but I was going to eventually. He dumped me today, after I found out last night….the fool I am was going to stay with him because I thought if the cheating were for fights we could get along and prevent it…but if the cheating was purely physical reasons (which it wasn’t) there would be nothing I could do. That was my rational. He said he thinks I am his soulmate and dreams of us marrying and living together, but at this time we can’t be together and he needs to “explore other options” because he’s drained….he says after our break up, anyone else it would be all physical and he loves me:(:(:( I feel just awful….I feel very much that I had a hand in this undoing….and I feel guilt and extreme sadness…….I don’t want to date. I don’t want anything physical with anyone else…..I just want to work, do my hobbies, and I hope eventually he’ll come around. I feel like we can fix this–if the cheating was just due to emotional distance–and not a need for variety…I can fix it. Am I wrong for thinking that? Am I foolish? Stupid? What is wrong with me? Should I even bother hoping we’d be back again once more? Now I feel like, now that being honest about how i feel, and not playing games, and being a nice girlfriend who cooks and cleans and just wants a guy to introduce her to friends after maybe four months and expresses that never works…because I have showed the same behavior with all past bfs and they always in some way take advantage and run away…..or lose interest….even when they swear up and down that they love my honest and authenticity and my refusal to ignore, be distant, and play games…..I just feel like I need to be fake and play games if I am ever to find someone who loves me more than I love them for once… because it’s always me loving more…me getting hurt….
citylights777
Member #176,842