[arizonaisme]

April,
Yes, my girlfriend wants to get married to me in the future. As a matter of fact we discussed this very topic yesterday. She feels that her oldest son, the 35 year old, is becoming nervous because her I are getting a lot closer. He is afraid that she will kick him out of the house if we get married. She told me that we could get a house big enough for everyone. I did not know what to say in response. Things seem to have gotten a lot better after we spent quite a bit of time together this past weekend.

I personally do not want her children living with us. With the exception of her 16 and 19 year old. I am in love with her and I do not want to push her away or lose her. She is a wonderful woman! What would your honest advice be for me in this situation? I want us to have a happy and productive relationship. I do not want to get into another marriage and be unhappy and unfullfilled again. What can I do to make this relationship work?

Arizonaisme

[quote=”April Masini”]So your girlfriend doesn’t make enough money to support herself, and she has her adult children living with her in order to help her support herself. If you continue to date her, you need to understand that this is who she is, as well as a woman who’s only willing to see you on the weekends.

I guess the question for you is to find out what a future with her will be like. That’s where the dating process is important. Is she someone who wants to re-marry? If she re-marries, will she continue to have her children in your home, or will she ask them to move out?

You need to get to know her and find out if she’s someone who is compatible with you and what you want — not just now, but for the future, too. 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url]https://www.<a%20class=”ktg6us78hf8vdu7″%20href=”#”>facebook</a>.april.masini.9[/url][/b][/quote]

[arizonaisme]

April,
I believe that my girlfriend’s 35 year old son is still living at home is so that he can help her pay rent. Three of the four children work and help her pay rent and for food in the house. The thing that I do not understand is that my girlfriend has a 40 hour a week job which I believe she makes good money doing despite what she says. Now she has just started her masters degree program online and now that I have just moved here our time together is going to be like it was when I lived in a another city. She told me yesterday that we will talkj on the phone during the week and see each other on the weekends. This is the way it was before I moved here.

What should I do? Should I accept all of this? See what happens for awhile or should I let her go. Just give her space and leave her alone. Any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated.

Arizonaisme[quote=”arizonaisme”]April,
I have a problem in my relationship that I would like to discuss with you. I have been dating my girlfriend for six months. We used to live in sperate cities in the same state, but I have moved to the city that she lives in. So, before we would only see each other on the weekends because of the travel distance. Now that I am here in the same city with her I thought we would see each other more. I just moved here four days ago. The problem is her four children that live with her. Their ages are 35,21,19,16. Her oldest son trys to control my girlfriend in her personal life. I have been to her house a few times before and I never really felt welcomed by her children. It feels to me that they do not want me around.

Just the other day I was telling my girlfriend that I may stop by the next day and she told me no because she did not want her children to feel that I would be over all of the time. She said we would just talk on the phone. She has told me numerous times that her children do not control her or run her. But, I see things differently. I think they do control her and what she does concerning our relationship. Please help me! Can you give me any advice on what I should or could do to resolve this problem. To me this is a major problem in our relationship.

Sincerely,
Arizonaisme[/quote]

[arizonaisme]

April,
We did discuss this before I moved here. She even said that we would see more of each other. The main reason that I moved to her town was to be closer to her. Yes, I would like to see more of her. Before we only saw each other on the weekends and this was usually every other weekend. I just did not stop by she invited me over. Her oldest son tries to get her to go through him as far as my relationship with her goes. For eample, he told her at one point that in order for me to ask her to marry me I had to talk with him and the other children first and get their apporoval. Its pretty much the same type of relationship when I lived in another city. We would talk on the phone every night during the week and then see each other on the weekends. She also has a problem with us having sex at her house as she does not want her children to find out that we might be having sex at her house. So, should I keep things the way they were before I moved here to be with her and just ask her out during the week and only see her on the weekends? After all of this I really do not feel comfortable spending time at her house. I love her more than anything in this world and I do not want to lose her. But, I cannot continue to compete with and fight for myself against her children. Please any help or suggestions from you I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you for your time.

Arizonaisme[quote=”April Masini”]I’m not sure how a 35 year old child is controlling his or her mother. The mother is an adult who’s allowing her adult children to live with her — that should send up a flashing yellow light to you right away. Maybe you can fill us in a little on this situation.

What made you think you’d see each other more before you moved? Did you discuss this? Or was it something you just assumed?

Why did you move close to her? Was it specifically for her? Or was there some other reason?

It sounds like you’d like to see her more, and this is a new chapter in your relationship that’s gone from long distance to in town. Instead of acting on preconceived ideas, why not try and figure out what this part of your relationship is going to be like by starting fresh on the in town part. Invite her out on a date, instead of coming by, and take it from there. 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b][/quote]

[Member]

Posts