[toria]

She’s giving the “I’m not that interested” signs. Personally, I think she told you she would not consider it until January to avoid a complete rejection of the idea. She also may have wanted the opportunity to weigh it in her mind before making a final decision. However, most women know right off the bat if they are interested in a guy and given her actions, she’s not really interested.

I am the type of girl that has no problem confronting people I don’t care about. Yet, when it comes to people I actually care about, I avoid hurting them. I think that’s typical. Most people don’t want to hurt people they’ve come to appreciate and know.

I suggest you give her the all clear sign. She may be using some avoiding techniques (e.g. texting to call things off) because she is concerned you still have feelings for her and she doesn’t want to lead you on. To give her the all the clear sign, you back off of making plans and calling. She might see them as a reflection of your being interested instead of seeing them as you just being a friend. If you back off and she starts calling it means she’s back to feeling comfortable with you. If she doesn’t start calling, it means she really wasn’t interested on any level.

It may hurt but you deserve to be with someone who wants you just as much as you want them. You shouldn’t have to work that hard for someone to reciprocate affection.

[toria]

From my own experience, it’s better to close one chapter before opening another. Ask yourself why you are having feelings for the guy of 10 years. No one but you can really say for sure. If it’s because he is the one you compare everyone else to, it means he’s the ideal man in your eyes and you deserve the man of your dreams. If it’s because he’s the guy you’ve come to know the best so it’s easy to measure guys to him, you need to distance yourself from him until you’ve fully explored the relationship you’re in.

I say, start by putting distance between you and the guy from your past so that you can focus on the guy you’re with. If after a month or two of no contact with the guy from your past you can’t keep him off your mind, your current relationship isn’t strong enough to go to the next level and you need to take a break from it until you know which way to go with the guy from your past.

[Member]

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