[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

The best way to get them to stop undermining your relationship is to not try to get them to stop. 😉 In other words….You can’t control them. And if you try to, you’ll be miserable and will probably fail. But, what you can control is you! 🙂 So when they do their thing, and act out, take a different tact. Kill them with kindness. Or, find your sense of humor. Or, ignore them. Spend less time with them. And that’s just for starters. What you’re doing has led you down this path. If you continue what you’re doing, expect more of the same, but if you change your own behavior, there’s a much better chance they’ll change theirs.

You haven’t mentioned your boyfriend’s feelings about this undermining behavior by his family. If it doesn’t affect him or bother him, then maybe the two of you can present a united front and just let go of the negativity. But if you’re worried that he’s less into you as a result of his family’s behavior, and they are successful in influencing him, this becomes more about the two of you, and not so much his family. Strengthen what works between the two of you, and play to your strengths in the relationship. Also, be forgiving and kind with his family, when you can. If he feels that you are trying to reach out and make things work, then it will be harder for him to turn on you. But if you play into their dynamic and fight back or try to force them to see things your way, the problems will escalate.

I hope this helps. Let me know if you need more help.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not sure of the timeline here — but when she sent you the text saying that she wanted to slow things down, that was a hint, to you that she was not interested in a serious relationship. Everything else she did after that just emphasized her lack of commitment to you and the relationship you have with her. After that initial text, she was up and down and all over the map. The only consistency she has shown is that she’s inconsistent! And from the way you wrote your last paragraph, it sounds like this dynamic is a deal breaker for you. If it’s not, and if you’re up for more inconsistency, there’s more to come. It really seems that’s on the table. But the problem here is that you want a serious relationship that is consistent and drama free, and no matter what she says, or how much sex she has with you, she doesn’t. She invokes drama and gives you emotional whiplash. This drama may be because she doesn’t want a serious relationship or because this is how she conducts all her relationships and this is what she’s used to, but bottom line is that she’s not going to offer you stability and that’s what you want in a relationship.

I’m very sorry you’re so upset. I know you are hurt and heartbroken, but I hope this will help you be less confused. There is a lot you like about her, but the drama and the living on the edge of the relationship all the time, is her thing — and it seems like it is a deal breaker for you. As much you feel for her, the two of you are not compatible when it comes to this drama in a relationship, so as hard as it is to move on, I think that’s your best bet. Try to find someone who is more compatible with you when it comes to the kind of relationship you both want, and understand that sometimes two people can be sexually compatible and have a lot of romance, but they’re not compatible in other arenas, and that, is what tears the relationship apart. Having a lot of sex isn’t always enough to keep things together in other arenas of the relationship. I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

He doesn’t want a traditional relationship and the two of you agreed to be friends with benefits, plus he’s brought up the fact that the doesn’t think you should wait for him because he’s not worth it. These are all signs that this is going to be a solid friends with benefits relationship, and that he’s not interested in more right now. If that’s what you want, then proceed. But I don’t think it’s what you want — I think you want a relationship that has a strong emotional connection in addition to the sexual experiences and I think you want some continuity and someone who’s going to be in contact more frequently and regularly. He’s not offering this — so you’ve decided to take what he is offering so that you don’t lose the relationship altogether. In other words, you cut yourself a deal that isn’t really what you want, and now you’re trying to figure out how to leverage it into more. 😕 This is a tough position to be in — but lots of people with not that much dating experience get themselves into this kind of a pickle. So, here are some options. You can continue with what he’s offering, and try to understand that you agreed to this and he’s been upfront about the terms of the relationship. Or, you can change your own behavior and only accept dates where he shows you that he values your time beyond sex, and wants to take you out, show you off, and make sure you’re happy. This means you’ll have to say no to dates that just involve sleeping over and napping and hanging out — and the risk is that he won’t ask you out on romantic dates and the relationship you have will fizzle away. Or, you can play the field and get to know other people and date other guys while you’re waiting for him to show up next. This is probably what he’s doing, and it’ll give you more of a sense of control over your life. But as long as you try to get him to show you emotions he doesn’t really have for you, you’re going to be frustrated. I hope you can consider this advice — and if you need more, I’m here for you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

This is a guy who likes drama. It keeps him from being bored, and he enjoys it. For him, it’s a sport. That’s why he cheats on his wife, and he cheats on his girlfriends — it amuses him. He likes the intrigue and the relationship puzzles he creates and solves, without regard for the feelings of the people who are the pieces in these puzzles. He isn’t looking for love — he’s looking for drama. He’s tried to stir it up with you several times, and this latest attempt to contact you is yet another attempt on his part. You seem to want a relationship that is based on honesty, loyalty, romance and fun — but you won’t get it with this guy. You may get some short term thrills and some short lived romance, but he’s not someone for the long-run. My advice is to ignore his “We need to talk!” text. It’s bait — and you’re the fish he’s trying to hook. If you take the bait, he’ll reel you back into his drama. And you’ll wind up back here, eventually. Why not start fresh with someone else, instead? Play the field. Find a guy who’s more interested in a relationship than he is with drama! Hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good advice — and good luck from me, too!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you should move on. This guy isn’t interested in you enough to make a commitment. It’s great that you had chemistry and liked each other, but after four months of dating, he wasn’t interested in more. That’s the moment when you could have known that he’s not your Mister Right and moved on. But, since then it’s been off and on with breaks and separations and no real commitment or excitement about your being together. It’s almost as if this relationship never really took off. Normally, when you start dating someone, after three months, you’ve both decided whether or not you want to continue dating each other. If you both do, then after six months, you decide if you want this to be monogamous. It doesn’t seem like either of those relationship goals have arrived with a thumbs up, so that’s why I think you should move on. It’s great to have feelings and chemistry — but if you want a commitment, there has to be more. There has to be a mutual commitment to the relationship, to monogamy and to a future together with some shared goals. You can do better with someone else — but that requires letting go and moving on. I hope that helps!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

There’s a lot of “junk” going on here and the best thing you can do is rise above it. Try not to engage Betty and Doug. In fact, keep a civilized distance. They’ve got drama written all over them. And if Betty tries to engage you in conversation to suss out what you and Robert have done or are doing, just smile and remember that you have a phone call to make! Same thing goes if she tries to talk to you about her feelings for Robert. Suddenly remember that you promised to take your mother out to buy a hat. In other words, politely disengage. Don’t worry if it’s awkward — awkward is better than a drama swamp. There’s nothing good that’s going to come from someone who tries to block your romance, when she’s already seriously dating someone else and blacks out drunk. Next! As for Robert, don’t engage him in any more conversation about Betty or Doug. If he brings something up, take the high road. If he doesn’t, don’t stoop and gossip. This is all a great opportunity for you to practice being your higher self!

I do think there is still a chance for you and Robert, but only if you don’t get into drama with his friends. Enjoy the Vegas trip and steer clear of Betty and Doug. Flirt with Robert and do your best to keep your distance from his friends within the group. Since there are 12 of you, and Vegas is a place to easily be social, do so!! And if he’s swayed by anything Betty and Doug have said about you, then you’ve dodged a bullet. Getting to know someone’s friends is an important step in getting to know them and their choices. So proceed, but with caution! I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

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