[April Masini, your AskApril]

In terms of getting her phone number, it sounds like you’ve got a lead! Awesome!! 🙂 As I mentioned before, you can also try her work phone. That should be easy to get — and if she’s moved jobs, often, a receptionist or assistant will tell you where she went, so you can reach her there. Once you do reach her, bring your A game! 😉 Turn on the charm. 😎 You’ve got to win her over, so striking a conversation that sounds like everything is normal, when it isn’t, is going to make her feel that you’re either out of touch or insensitive to all that’s transpired for her. You’ve tried to reach out on social media, you’ve emailed her a song you wrote and now you’re picking up the phone to give it one last try. Put yourself in her shoes and try to imagine why she hasn’t reacted to your last two tries. If you can figure that out, then you can adjust this third shot to show her that you’re not just showing up and trying to pick up where “normal” left off, but that you’re understanding of why the break up happened, why she hasn’t responded, and how you’re changing your life to accommodate a try at getting her back…. you’ll do better than if you just make “normal” small talk. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think that looking up her phone number online is stalking. If you don’t have it and you want to find it, the internet is a great tool! Plus, using it to simply ask her out on a date isn’t stalking. Obviously, don’t do anything illegal to get it — but rolling up your sleeves and working hard to get the phone number of a woman you want to date isn’t weird. It’s industrious! If you call her non-stop, that’s stalking and harassment, but simply searching online to find a number of a woman you want to take to dinner, and making one call, is totally fine! 😀 You could also ask a mutual friend for her number, or call her at work. If you really want to make that call…. there’s got to be a way to get a phone number. 😉

However…. if you ultimately can’t get her phone number, then I think it’s time to call it a day and move on. You’ve given it your best shot, and if she can’t see your value, or if she thinks you’re not compatible, then there’s not a lot more you can do. And sometimes moving on is the best thing to do. It’s great to try, but not to bang your head against a closed door.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry you didn’t get the response you wanted. I think that at this point, you shouldn’t write to her any more. Give it one last shot by picking up the phone and calling her. Leave her a sexy voice message saying you’d love to talk to her and better yet, take her to dinner. If she calls you back, it’s game on. And if she picks up make the phone call about her, and then about how much you’d like to take her to dinner. If she doesn’t pick up or return your call, then you need to move forward. 🙁 It’s important to take your shot and leave no stone unturned, so you don’t wake up nights wondering if you could have done things differently or better. And you have done that! If she’s not interested, for whatever reason, then you have to let it go and move on. So, make the phone call and if you get a green light, roll with it. If you don’t, know you gave it your all and it’s time to find someone new. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You need to Subscribe to access this Forum - Premium Private Forum

Username or E-mail

Password

The reCAPTCHA verification period has expired. Please reload the page.

Keep me signed in

 

 

Forgot Password

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Boy, you’ve done everything right… and he’s not taking the bait. Sometimes, a guy just isn’t ready when you are, or he’s not as interested as you are. It sounds like yesterday went really well, and the flirting is a great sign. Maybe he’s getting ready to ask you out. But…. for now, the ball is in his court. When you do see him, focus on flirting and not on friendship. Make sure he knows that you’re interested in him romantically. That means taking out all platonic messages. You might be surprised at how guys really need encouragement before risking rejection by asking you out. They get nervous that you’ll say no, and some really need a lot of encouragement. You may think he knows you like him, but he may need more cues from you in that department. Definitely don’t invite him out again — it’s his turn, and his move should be a date. So, increase flirting when you see him, and try to keep the rest of your life busy and interesting so you don’t end up appearing needy or desperate. If you do all that and he still doesn’t ask you out, move on. But for now, I think that because your day, yesterday, was so promising, he may be getting ready to ask you out. Fingers crossed — and if you have any other questions, I’m here!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You need to Subscribe to access this Forum - Premium Private Forum

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. I think this is a great opportunity for you to send her a gift that is romantic — a photo of the two of you, framed, would be perfect. So, too, would be a romantic novel, some music you think she’d like, or a piece of art — or even beautiful flowers. Stay away from anything that projects practicality or “friend zone”. 😕 In your birthday card, let her know you think about her all the time, hope that she’s doing the same. Less is more. Don’t send a letter, because you’re more likely to spill your hurt again, and she probably doesn’t want to hear that. Instead, send a romantic, upbeat and seductive birthday card. Stay strong — because strong is more attractive than weak, and enticing and seductive is more attractive than needy and desperate. 😉 When you have these opportunities in the relationship, try to use them to leverage your position out of the friend zone and into the romantic arena. If she can think of you as a romantic interest and not a friend, you’re going to have a better opportunity at another shot with her (that is successful!). I truly believe that she’ll see who this guy is, eventually, and she won’t like it. In the meantime, take care of yourself and do things for you — and when you do get these opportunities to contact her, make them romantic contacts. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

That “in love” feeling comes and goes. Long-term, committed relationships don’t stick because of chemistry. They stick because of loyalty, character and compatibility. And… they stick because both people want the relationship to work. The problem is that if he doesn’t want it to work, and if he’s looking for an excuse to end things, then it’s going to be hard to convince him otherwise. In fact, I don’t think you should convince him. If you want to [i]win him over[/i], then you should try that. That’s what I was trying to convey in the first paragraph of my last advice. 😉 When the relationship becomes about problem solving more than it becomes about happiness and peace, it’s going to wind down — especially if you don’t have a lot of history.

It does sound like this other guy is influencing your boyfriend, and the living situation you’re in isn’t helping, but since John is your roommate and your boyfriend’s roommate, he’s definitely a factor. That’s why you have to focus on the relationship — not John and not the problems John may be inciting. You need to make your boyfriend feel like he’s your hero, and he’s an amazing guy. You have to be the girlfriend he’s proud of and he wants to show off. If you can do those things, you’re on your way. But if you can’t — then this may not be a relationship that is going to go the distance. Try not to focus on controlling your boyfriend, but do amp up your own behavior. As for getting the spark back, there are lots of things you can do. Check out Romantic Date Ideas (https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html), and riff on them or implement them. 😉 I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’re doing everything right. By reassuring him that you’re in this for the long run, and that if his job takes him out of town during the week, and back to you on weekends, you’re okay with it, you’ve done the right thing. Make sure that your weekends together are restful and upbeat so that he can see that this is working for you and for him. If the weekends become stressful and full of conflict or guilt, he’s not going to stay in the game. But, if you can show him — not tell him, but show him with your behavior — that you understand the “for better or for worse” part of long-term committed relationships, he’ll be okay.

The only thing you have to watch out for is if he wants to break up and he’s trying to make the break up about his new job distance problem, so as not to hurt your feelings. Sometimes people who want out will look for a crack to leverage into a break. For instance, if he really didn’t want to continue the relationship, and he knows that one year is a landmark for people looking for a commitment, he may use this new work schedule as an excuse to end things.

But, if what you’re saying is true — that he wants this relationship to go the distance, but doesn’t want you to suffer because he can’t be there for you during the week, the way he used to be — then he’s just being sensitive to your needs and giving you the opportunity to walk. You don’t want to, so show him. If he brings it up, or if there’s a chance to talk about your future together, let him know that you’d be willing to move with him if it looks like he’s committed to the job and to you. 😎

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You need to Subscribe to access this Forum - Premium Private Forum

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You need to Subscribe to access this Forum - Premium Private Forum

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You need to Subscribe to access this Forum - Premium Private Forum

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You need to Subscribe to access this Forum - Premium Private Forum

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry you’re hurt. I get it. 😳 It sounds like the two of you just disagree on this. You can make it a deal breaker, or you can let it go. To make that decision, think about how you would feel about breaking up with him over this issue, and if you think breaking up is the right thing for you to do, then this is your opportunity. But if you don’t want to break up with him, then I think you have to accept that this is something he does that you just don’t like. Lots of couples have these issues. If the two of you go the distance, then perhaps down the line, he will let this behavior go. But for now, with the two of you in different countries, I think this is a problem you have to let go. I know it hurts your feelings, but he’s not going to change his behavior. Lots of times couples agree to disagree and then find ways to take care of themselves in that mutual disagreement. So while he’s away, be kind to yourself. Get a spa treatment. Visit friends. Do something nice for yourself, and understand that relationships (and especially long distance relationships), require understanding, patience, flexibility and creative solutions. You’re in one of those situations where you need to evoke your patience, flexibility, understanding and creative solutions. 😉 You’re not going to get what you want in this situation, so you have to make the best of the relationship, given who you both are — if you want to keep it going.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You need to Subscribe to access this Forum - Premium Private Forum

[Member]

Posts