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IwannafeelWEIGHTLESS
Member #20,038I think for now I’m gonna try to just focus on me and getting myself inline. I’m gonna try veryyyy hard not to contact him. Thanks April! Member #20,038I know that would be the logical thing to do but for some odd reason, we ALWAYS seem to find each other again. I mean…what if he does end up finding work out here? Should I just cut all ties with him now? The distance seriously wasn’t something I was worried about. I mean it did suck but it was awesome when I did get to see him. He’s a complicated fella. I really don’t want to just cut it all off. I don’t know why…it’s so embarrassing! I’m 22 years old…this is so weird… Member #20,038can you delete this one? I didn’t mean to put names in there Member #20,038Okkkk so this started up again. We talked again in 2013 while he was in afganistan. He apologized for bailing on me a hundred times and said that was not going to happen again. Well that time, I bailed on him for my ex boyfriend- whom I met in 2011 2 months after I posted about this feller.
Well we found each other AGAIN. Except this time, it was my turn to apologize and we were actually boyfriend and girlfriend. I could tell he was crazyyyy about me. He’s stationed in Dayton and that is about 4 hours away from me. We would text every 5 seconds, skype for hours, and talk on the phone for at least an hour every night. He ended every phone call with him telling me how much he cared about me and how crazy he is about me. If I didn’t answer within a couple hours, he would text “ya there babe?” Told me he was falling for me and all that. He asked me to be his girlfriend and everything seemed cool. He put in a request for an early discharge from the air force and he got approved! I was sooooo happy!! He was too. He’s a military cop but he hates it. He said if he couldn’t find a cop job then he was going to go to school in Georgia for 3 months for powerline junk and then come back here. That was the plan I knew of.
He wasn’t really talking to me and when I asked what was wrong he said he was in a funk. This went on for a couple days. He didn’t make it clear that this wasn’t caused by me so I was really confused. I told him I needed to know what was going on. He told me he can’t find a job and he’s going to go to Georgia and more than likely not going to be able to come back because he has to take the job that is offered to him and he can’t wait around for a job to be available in Ohio. I told him he was freaking out and needed to chill out because this all isn’t going to happen until September. He said he likes to have plans and we need to end this now. I said why don’t we just go with it and let everything figure itself out? He said he doesn’t want to drag this out and do what he saw my ex do to me. (my ex and I were happy for a year and then he drug me along ). I said “I really like you. You make me happy and I can be myself when I’m with you.” He said yes and that is all true on my end as well. I said dude you really like me why are you making this complicated? We were going back and forth and I said “well fine. I’m gonna end up in Tennessee anyway.” He said why did you date me if that was your plan? I started laughing and said I’d stay here if I had a reason to. We only dated for 3 weeks! The conversation wasn’t going well so luckily his phone died and it was over. I knew some of his freaking out most likely had a lot to do with PTSD.
I messaged him on Facebook and said I was really overwhelmed when we spoke and I would like to talk again because I need to get some things out there. He instantly called me. He was on his way back to this area (he comes out here every break he has. We went to the same high school so we’re from the same town.)I told him I just don’t understand all of this. He said how hard it is to find a job doing powerline stuff and that he more than likely wouldn’t be able to come back to ohio. Then I said ok that’s not what you told me. He said “yes I told you if I couldn’t find a cop job I’d do the powerline stuff.” Then he started talking about possibly getting a cop job which was weird because a few days before that he was opposed to staying a police officer. He got all hardcore and was like “you have to stay here for 2 years because of your program for school. Then when you graduate, I couldn’t expect you to come get a job by me in Texas or something. We wouldn’t even know if one is available.” I started laughing and said “dude we dated for 3 weeks! Why are you planning everything? Just let things happen.” He said he didn’t want to drag this out and do to me what my ex did and he doesn’t want to hurt himself by the long distance thing. I told him we don’t even know what jobs are going to be available at that time and how that changes. He said something about Texas- and I did get hardcore for a second- I said Texas has high pay for Physical Therapy Assistants. (my program). He said it could be any state and Texas was an example. I said “ok this does make sense I suppose but I don’t understand why you’re thinking all this stuff before it happens. You really like me.” He said something about jobs and all that. I said so now we never talk or see each other again? He said I never said that. I started laughing and said well that happens when you break up with someone. I said something about not wanting him to feel weird around me or whatever. He started laughing and said how I’ve seen his friends and nothing could make him feel weird. He said I can text him to say hey and just talk or if he’s in town and I want to go do something then we can. Some crazy ass way we started talking about his truck and all that. The conversation was just about over and I said so if things were to change, would things be different? (implying if he were to find a job in ohio or end up coming back here.) He said I don’t know what is going to happen. I can’t predict the future.
I decided I was going to reach out to him ONE time. I told him I was going to be near him because I was going to church and asked if he wanted to go to the dam for a walk with me. He never answered. So I deleted our conversation from my phone, deleted call logs, and deleted his number. He is still on my snapchat, facebook, and skype though.
I am just so confused!! I seriously KNOW he really likes me. He would tell me how his coworkers told him how happy he has been since him and I started up again. I don’t really know what I’m suppose to do. My friend told me to stay away from him because he seems too intense and he’s too much for me to handle. It’s all just so weird…I honestly didn’t expect this to bother me this much. I mean, it did the first time we talked right before I started dating my ex in 2011…my ex and I would actually get into mini arguments about him and they didn’t even know each other.
He would tell me how much he liked me and how he doesn’t think he ever stopped. That he has always liked me from the beginning. I remember him saying on skype how he wasn’t planning on him falling for me this fast. How he didn’t expect me to mean so much to him. That all throws me completely off because if he was that crazy about me then why wouldn’t he hold onto me? When I said that to him (it was when we were arguing) he yelled and said “I just want you to be effin happy!”
Pleaseeeeee tell me what I should do…I mean, I know I’ve done all I can do and I’m not all about playing games but what do I do IF he contacts me again? This is so crazy….I didn’t expect any of this to happen…Member #20,038name dropped. blank message Member #20,038Ok problem….he’s been talking to me again..said that when he got to dayton they changed his cycle. [which means he’s going the next time or something. it’s confusing]. What the heck does this mean??? Member #20,038I am so incredibly upset right now. I looked on his facebook and he deleted anything that was pertaining to me. It feels like he wants to forget me and doesn’t want anyone to know about me. I told my friends and they said maybe or it makes him sad to look at it because he can’t be with me. Which is it? Member #20,038Alright. Well who knows. Maybe we’ll keep in contact here and there (casually) and when he comes home, maybe things will start back up again. But it is a year and that is a long time, a lot can change. Just sucks cuz it feels like we’ll never know what would have happened. Member #20,038I am getting so much information but this is the last I got; not good. I told him I needed to talk to him and I told him that it really bothered me he didn’t say happy birthday to me but I didn’t mean to appear to be a bitch about it if I was but I didn’t think I was. The connection between his phone and mine is always really bad so I could barely hear him. He said yeah that kinda freaked me out but (couldn’t understand this part so it’s unknown) I have something to tell you you’re not going to like.
He was stationed in korea for a year because it was kinda like a basic training type of thing? I don’t know I don’t know military stuff. But he just found out that he is going to be going to Dayton on November 1st but once he gets there, he’s being deployed overseas for a year. He said that he tried the long distance thing before when he was in korea and it ended badly. He came home for a friends funeral and found out she had been cheating on him the whole time. So he doesn’t want to do that again. I honestly don’t want to do that but it’d really bother me if we didn’t at least give it a try and see what happens and if we get hurt then at least we got our answer. I’ve been hurt so much that there’s no way I could be hurt more than I already have been so I’m willing to attempt the risk. He’s not at that point. He said he doesn’t want me to be sitting here waiting for him and worrying about him and vis versa. I guess it’s for the best. Because he’ll be able to focus on what he has to do there instead of worrying about me. He said that we can still talk and be friends and stuff but he doesn’t see it working if we tried the long distances thing. But I told him that if anything changed that I’d be here. I’m not gonna wait for him for a year but I want to keep in contact with him and maybe when he gets back? What do you think?Member #20,038This may sound lame or pathetic but I heard some people say that coming home is a hard adjustment and I just looked it up and this is what I got:
He will probably be exhausted when he returns.
It may take several days or weeks to readjust back to civilian life.
He may not want to go out or have visitors.
He may be with you physically, but seem very distracted or “not there”.That’s exactly what he’s acting like too. But I’m not sure what I’m suppose to do.
Member #20,038He texted me last night right after I posted this. We talked for like 2 seconds but he did text me. My friend Aaron told me that his buddy was overseas and when he got home his girlfriend went through a lot. Said that it was hard for him to adjust to being home because he was so use to being told what to do all the time and use to a different time zone and crap. He said that it only lasted a week(s). I mean I think that makes sense. Cuz going from something as intense as that and coming home would be kinda awkward and weird. Should I just lay low and see what happens? Member #20,038Alright I’ll just move past that thing. Thanks for the advice! Member #20,038Yeah but he couldn’t make a move cuz he’s my banker. Do you think that’s what’s stopping him from calling? Member #20,038Ahhh….I knew it….just wanted someone to tell me otherwise I guess. Do I answer him when he texts me? & if he wants to hang out what am I suppose to say?
Member #20,038Thanks April! I’m going to give it a shot and see what happens. Hope it works the way I want it to -
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