[OAl]

I appreciate your feedback. I am not usually this way when it comes to women. I’ve just been treating this differently because she is a close friend. But since your last reply, there have been a series of events that have transpired in the past week.

Due to a sudden circumstance, I was no longer able to attend her birthday party over the weekend. I used that as an opportunity to take her out on the day of her birthday. However, when I asked her, I did not tell her it was a date. But it didn’t matter because the night went well and she told me she had feelings for me. We shared a moment, but she told me she’s unsure of dating me for a few reasons:

1. Our friendship

2. She’s not sure if she’s ready to date because of her experience with the last guy she was seeing. She’s moved on, but said she needs to work out some personal issues.

3. Her busy schedule (school)

I tried to address these concerns of hers right then and there but was caught a little off guard by her revelation, so I couldn’t give her the most complete answers. She understood and we agreed that we would talk again to address these concerns to see what can come out of this. This was before the weekend. I had to leave town and didn’t come back until Monday night. We had a nice chat on the phone the night I got back, but didn’t talk about this because I thought we would address it in person and she had a final term paper to hand in on Tuesday. I thought I would see her Tuesday night but she wasn’t able to meet up for a reason I don’t know. She has had a few other things going on this week but she’s not as busy as she will be next week, when her summer courses start.

Is there anything you can suggest for me to mention when I address her concerns? I briefly did the night we went out, but we’re going to talk about this again so I want to be better prepared. I already have an idea of the things I’m going to say, but any insight you could provide would be great. She knows that I want this to work out, so it’s mostly in her hands at this point.

We’ve been texting regularly since this all happened, but she hasn’t said much about this. I know part of the reason is because initially I was out of town and she was finishing up her school work. But she’s been free since Tuesday night, so I’m curious to know if you think her silence on this subject means that she’s leaning one way or the other, or that she’s still thinking about it, or if it means something else. I am hoping to take her out this weekend, so that we can talk and move things forward.

Is there anything I should / can do right now to help the situation? Should I bring it up now (over the phone) or wait until we meet in person? When I text her, should I be flirty and suggestive? I haven’t been too flirty or suggestive since that night I was with her. But I have been saying some sweet things and complimenting her. I meant to tell you about this sooner but haven’t been able to.

[OAl]

Her birthday is in the next couple days. I’m going to see her. I will give her a gift, and then ask her. I just want to be sure of something…the first time I asked her out, she said no because she just started seeing someone else. Otherwise, we might have been together. She also said “if this topic comes up again, I’ll be the one to bring it up”, referring to any future chance of us being together. Since she explicitly said this, do I treat as if she isn’t interested, or do you think she could be playing games and waiting on me to ask her? Keep in mind that we haven’t spoken about this since I first asked her out in the fall.

Please advise on my approach…I plan to ask her after I give her the gift. I am first going to ask if she’s seeing anyone, and if she’s not, I will ask to take her on a date. I will also tell her that there is nothing to talk about, but that I will show her instead. She has a tendency to analyze (and overanalyze) things, so I will have to convince her not to think about it too much and just try it out. Do you have any suggestions on how I can convince her to not think too much about it and try it out? She might be scared to try it out because of our friendship.

On the weekend, we will be going out to celebrate her birthday with our friends. So I’ll be seeing her for a second time this week.

[OAl]

Thank you for the response! Sorry about the double post. I didn’t realize I had done that.

Just to clarify, I did ask her out in October. So this would be my second time asking her out. The first time, she said no because she had just started seeing someone else. Otherwise, according to her, it probably would have been a yes because she liked me too, but was scared to tell me. I’ve been trying to show her that I am still interested, even though we haven’t talked about it since that time.

Since being single, she hasn’t brought it up. So does that mean she’s not interested, or that she’s waiting for me to ask her out again? That’s where the persistence question came from. Aside from the affection and regular communication (in-person and texting), she hasn’t shown the same kinds of signals that she did when she first liked me, which is why I’m unsure. I just want to make sure that the window of opportunity hasn’t passed because I took too long in asking her out the first time.

She is a very close friend, so I have to approach it a little differently to keep our friendship intact. As this will be my second time asking her out, I’m trying to save face, regardless of the outcome.

[Member]

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