[Abby88]

unfortunately, that is not in our budget. we are trying really hard to save up for a house and to cut down on most expenses.

believe me, I’ve suggested it!

[Abby88]

Thanks for the advice.

To clear things up, I’m in my late 20’s and he is in his early 30’s. In fact, he’s 33.

I think I will take your advice and just be patient and wait for him to open up. But there are a few things that really do upset me. Like how our normal schedule changes. Normally, we wake up together in the mornings and I make him breakfast, just a quick one so he can run out the door to work. I also pack a lunch for him. Not to mention in the evenings we make dinner together. But when this problem comes back, all this disappears. He no longer wants anything from me. I end up eating dinner alone and throwing his half out or putting it in the fridge for me to eat the next day. I see packed lunches purposely left on the table. Then I’m told in a not so pleasant way to stop doing anything. So, I do. I don’t demand that I get to do these things but I do wish he’d verbalize it in a nicer way that he won’t be eating dinner tonight or needing anything else for the day.

I guess since he’s so depressed it’s hard to say that and I should just KNOW that he is thinking it but it doesn’t come out the way he wants it to?

It’s just hard to be around him when he goes through this. There is a lot of negative energy. Energy that takes happiness out of me. I try my best to give a lot of space through times like this. By coming home a bit later and sometimes eating out with friends. Once I walk through that door tho, my body freezes up and I find myself going to bed earlier than normal, or reading a book in the bedroom then falling asleep. This part is hard for me. I feel that communication is very important. I feel that going to bed angry or upset doesn’t help anyone. I feel unloved because we don’t get to talk to each other. I do still get a simple, hello how are you, which I appreciate but this usually occurs days after but there’s no feeling in it and there’s no eye contact so it feels forced and as I’ve said before it happens days after…. so for those first few days…I’m pretty much invisible and trying to find the eye of the storm.

This problem seems a lot deeper to me. I know in a few days time things will get better and we’ll do the same thing that happened last time. I’ll sit down and tell him how I’ve felt and he’ll apologize and we’ll be happy again. But I still don’t forget those dark days. They set back a relationship a far ways and it’s hard for me to get up and jump up to where he’s expected me to be…you know?

Anyways, again thanks for the advice. I will definitely have a think about what I can say once a day that hopefully is a good pep talk.

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