[Dusty1979]

Ouch but thank you 🙂

I think this following week I have with her I will use the time to conclude as to how serious she is in fact to start over. It’s a bad place to be in, neither here nor there. She has now told me she wants to go for therapy WITH me starting next week, to get through this, she says she is going to resign and is moving back to the city. Its just been talk. She only has 10 days from now to do that otherwise her contract is automatically renewed for the new year and if she doesn’t I will have my answer clearly.

I’m a mess. Thank you for showing me the light. I’m am holding on too tightly!

[Dusty1979]

Also, I am a ‘softy’ but please understand that I also have my limits! I’ve dealt with my issues and will keep at it but it is very one-sided at the moment. I’ve fought for this woman, I’ve sacrificed, she needs to fight for me too. I mean we have names for our future children, a plan for our life together. She still drinks on occasions, in my presence. She only wears her engagement ring when she visits me, she’s done nothing but tell me to hold on and let us sort our separate issues out, but I’m starting to feel like a fool, I certainly look like one according to some of my friends. She needs to walk the talk if you know what I mean, otherwise, I will have to move on. I can’t go through another three months like the previous three. I love her dearly but she needs to take action too.

[Dusty1979]

[quote=”April Masini”]What’s upsetting you is that your girlfriend is not doing what you’d like her to do.

My advice is that a certain point — and you’ll have to pick that date — it will be time for you to move on if she doesn’t move towards you. Don’t give her an ultimatum — but do give one to yourself. Boundaries in your relationship with yourself and with others will help you, as will recognizing where other people are in their own lives.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b][/quote]

Hi there,

I now find myself in a position where I have to take action on the points mentioned above. The reasons are that my life is at a stand-still and it is not healthy for me. I need some advice:

1. Okay, concern has now taken over. I feel I need to explain this in a little more detail. I know that she can’t deal with certain issues at the moment due to no services available and until she moves back to the city I don’t expect her to. I do however feel that the longer time drags on the harder it will become for her to speak to her parents. This is putting extra pressure on her and me. Please correct me if I am wrong but I think that after more than three months it is time that she AT THE VERY LEAST, tell her parents that we are talking and want to resolve our issues. That is all. I don’t understand why she is not doing this as she is a 29 year old adult and frankly don’t need her parents’ go ahead or them telling her how to live her life. We will not be living together again until next year and then start afresh. This is getting a little silly as we are engaged and yes made mistakes but also share many successes and treasured memories, and we want to work our problems out, these visits in secret, the lies, staying confined in one place, it is also not very healthy and it is frustrating. Am I wrong?

2. Two days from now she will be here and spend a week with me. However, in that week she will be meeting up for two days with family. The reason for this visit is to say goodbye to her Gran, whom is moving abroad. This will be the first time she sees her family after the incident. Once she is done she will come back here to me. I know a lot of questions will be asked when she sees them, but I doubt she will mention that we see each other and speak daily. I don’t want to give her an ultimatum BUT this is a platform (and an opportunity) for her to at least mention this, not true? She wont be seeing them again until December. Would this be an unreasonable request for me to ask/suggest to her before she goes?

I understand what you said about everyone not moving at the same pace BUT this has nothing to do with forgiveness, dealing with our separate issues or making future decisions regarding our relationship, we’ve done that.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

[Dusty1979]

Thank you for the quick response, it does help.

You are right of course, I did want her to open up to her parents and own up to her mistakes. She’s had very little time to deal with anything other than work at the moment. I on the other hand have had nothing but time to rehabilitate myself. She does not need added pressure regarding telling her parents, when the time is right she will do that. I’m trying to be strong for her, she has always leaned on me but this time however I can’t be that person. I’m worried about her as she hasn’t spoken to ANYONE about the incident, not even her best friend. She’s lost lots of weight, she’s on Cilift and not eating healthy. Finances are a concern and adds to the stress. We’ve not depended on anybody ever but I’m afraid she has no choice as I only start working again in two weeks time. It is a complicated situation. When we see each other over weekends we make the most of it. We both get emotional and we miss each other. The good outweighs the bad and this has been a tough lesson.

I do not know what the future holds and over-thinking everything doesn’t help. I do believe that she is moving towards me and if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t travel 400 miles every second weekend to come and see me. I am just worried about her and yes, I do not like the fact that her parents relationship has taken precedence over ours but I know she needs the support. I just sincerely hope that they support the decision she has made when she tells them, and not leave her with a choice.

Thank you for your insight and hopefully I can check back in for any further advice 🙂

[Member]

Posts